Wedding Party
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Large Wedding Party - HELP!

I have always dreaded the "who would be in my wedding party if I were to get married tomorrow" question. Growing up I have never had a really close tight knit small group of friends. I've always had a few larger groups of great friends...and no sisters. Right now I have 10 girls who I am really close to that I want standing up at my wedding and my fiancée has 8. Ideally, I would like to match his 8 but I can't (and really dont want to) pick 2 girls to cut. I guess my question is - is it tacky to have so many people in a bridal party? In no way am I showing off, I just have so many close people that I want to be apart of my big day (I keep repeating an old crabby co-workers comment when my friend got married with 8 people on each side - something to do with showing off! and for some reason her criticism towards love really bothered me!) What is the general opinion on this topic??

Here is my lineup:
-Two girls who I have grown up with (they are the sisters I never had - they are also sisters)
-Four high school girlfriends who I am equally close to
-Groom's Sister
-Three girls who I have recently become close to the last two years who are married to a couple of the groomsmen and are a big part of my fiancée and I's relationship - one I will be asking to be the MOH.

So am I just over-reacting about what people will "think" - I know it's MY wedding and I shouldnt care...but just wanted to get a few opinions!

Re: Large Wedding Party - HELP!

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    Do what you want.  Uneven sides are just fine.

    One question: do you have a very small wedding?  It's not an etiquette issue but having 20 or so people standing up might seems odd if there are only 30 in attendance.
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    You're right, it'd be really mean to cut two close friends just for the sake of matching sides (which nobody will notice or care about anyway).

    Have who you want. Numbers don't matter if you are honoring your dearest friends. If you are wavering between 8 and 10 bridesmaids, I don't see how two additional girls would really make a difference.

    I'm going to be attending a wedding in a few months that'll have over 10 bridesmaids, and maybe 10+ groomsmen. It's a much larger wedding party than I would personally like (we only had 4 total attendants), but I would never fault someone for having their dearest friends up there with them. 

    When people start bringing in random people to fill in the sides, though, then that's when I think it gets utterly ridiculous and unnecessary. I wouldn't bat an eye if both partners truly had 15 close friends ... but when I *know* that one of them asked people they weren't really close with just for the sake of matchy-matchy sides, then I raise an eyebrow because of the stupidity of it all.
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    I have a 300 or so wedding and have 6 standing up on both sides.

    Things to remember- can you afford them? you buy gifts and pay for rehersle dinner....

    are you going to have enough time to make sure they all get there dresses in time

    is there enough room in the church or wherever your getting married in

    can you see yourself talking to all of them when your 50 years old at your own kids wedding?
    LOVE IS SWEET!
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    eternalmariaeternalmaria member
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    edited April 2011
    If you want 10 and he only has 8, it's fine! I personally dont notice when there's uneven sides. Just as Foreverurz said, make sure you can afford them! Good luck!
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    Thank you everyone for your advice!

    slwager: The wedding will be about 150-200 people...I read somewhere that you should have 1 BM for every 50 guests...oops! haha


    foreverurz23: Yes I think we should have no problem affording them.

    My friend who had 8 girls had two hairstylists at her house and they were easily able to do 7 hairstyles the morning of the wedding...therefore we may have to employ three stylist the day of or go somewhere with three available stylists.

    My thinking is that I would have our wedding party line up in two rows, 5 in each row on my side and 4 on his side...that way it wouldnt take up that much space and wouldnt look so "long"

    I would love to say I will be close to everyone in 25 years... but who knows where anyone’s life will take them 25 years from now - all I know is when I look back at the pictures, I will know it was these girls who made me the happiest on my big day :)



    Hellokatie0517: Yes I totally agree! My party will be all shapes and sizes and I know not everyone looks the best in the same dress - I will encourage the variety!
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    slwager: The wedding will be about 150-200 people...I read somewhere that you should have 1 BM for every 50 guests...oops! haha


    That's not true.
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    If your siggy is correct, your wedding isn't until June 2012.  If that's correct, then I wouldn't ask anyone until Thanksgiving at the earliest.  There's no reason to choose anyone yet, and relationships might change in the next 6 months, and then all of this pondering will resolve itself.

    After Thanksgiving, please don't base a WP on symmetry.  That's choosing form over substance.

    A big good luck to you.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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    Lemon... Since your wedding isn't until June 2012, I would hold off on asking anyone to be in the WP.  Maybe wait til fall.  Not trying to crap in your cheerios or anything, but that number might dwindle down by then on its own.  It's always best to wait to choose your WP.  As you said, no one knows where life them... or you.

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    Maybe you could have some of the girls do something else in the wedding besides being bridesmaids. Like doing a reading or being an usher or greeter. They'd still be involved and feel important but would help with the size of your party. But ultimately its up to you who/how many you want to stand up for you and should go with your gut.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_large-wedding-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:35e9b0eb-219f-4d60-85c6-9497a9798778Post:0c8fd24c-8147-4397-bf70-f2e3a94a994f">Re: Large Wedding Party - HELP!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Maybe you could have some of the girls do something else in the wedding besides being bridesmaids. Like doing a reading or being an usher or greeter. They'd still be involved and feel important but would help with the size of your party. But ultimately its up to you who/how many you want to stand up for you and should go with your gut.
    Posted by RaeRae1126[/QUOTE]

    Just be careful about giving out "pity jobs" just to make people feel involved. A lot of these, reader excepted are usually just work that people don't really want to do.
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    Thank you again for all the advice!

    Its not so much the symmetry I was worried about, it was just the large number of having 10 girls! Even 8 sounded like a lot to me at first! But I'm glad I have a man that wants a large WP  as well :) But what it comes down to is having my close friends and love ones share my big day - no matter what the number may be :)
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    I feel your pain.  My FI were planning on just a small wedding with about 100-150 ppl.  I had chosen my MOH and 2 BM's.  Well the teenage daughters of the MOH and one of the BM's kept on me about being left out of the wedding party.  Well my solution to the problem was they could both be BM's as long as THEY purchased their own dresses and shoes for the wedding.  They are to get NO help from their parents.  They both agreed so I have 5 BM's for a wedding of 100-150 ppl, and honestly I don't care.  If someone has a problem with it they can either stay home or keep their mouths shut because it's not about what they want it's about what you and your FI want.  And if you want 10 BM's so not to hurt anyone's feelings.  They by all mean have 10 BM's.  Congrats on your engagement and best of luck in your planning.
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