HELP PLEASE.... Moving my brother to another table!

halseyaa

My fiance are getting married in 1 month. Our reception is at a restaurat that only has tables that sit 8.  The wedding party is sitting with their dates or families, some of them at our table, but most of them not. When I made the seating chart last week, I put my younger brother (who is also a groomsmen) at our table. I did it to be nice because our wedding is small and I thought he would rather sit with other young people he doesnt know that well than our parents/grandparents.

Yesterday he sent me an email about how he thinks my fiance is controlling and he doesnt like him (!). My fiance and I have been together 6 years, are totally in love and if anything, I boss him around! LOL I responded with a polite email thanking him for his concern, assuring him that my fiance is not controlling, and told him I look forward to seeing him at the wedding. I mentioned that he was sitting with us at the reception. (I thought this would be some sort of peace offering)

Though I did not expect a reply, he send ANOTHER email detailing why he doesnt like my fiance. It is far too late in the game and frankly very rude to be starting this crap with less than a month to go. I am thinking strongly of moving him to my parents/grandparents table and saying that another couple changed their RSVP, and need to sit with us because they don't know anyone else.

Is it horrible to go back on my word? I don't want to spend my reception dinner sitting at the same table with someone who doesn't want me to be married! He is too preachy and on top of that he is the only one in attendance who refuses to drink and will probably lecture the rest of us. Sorry for the long post but I need advice.

momofayden

If you feel that this would best for both you and FI and your brother's sanity, then move him with your parents.  if he asks just say, "it seemed from your emails you might like to sit with mom and dad instead of us." and leave it at that. I doubt he is going to ask you though given his words about FI in the email.  I wouldn;t sweat it at all.   

mbcdefg

What is moving him to another table going to accomplish? It's just going to piss him off further, and it's going to make a very bold statement to everyone else about your feelings toward him.

Leave it be. Moving him will not "punish" him into changing his ways. It'll only create MORE drama.

My siblings were at our head table and I barely said two words to them all night (and we get along very well). I just didn't have the time. I think I was only really sitting down for more than 5 minutes when dinner was served.

swim1011

What exactly were his reasons for not liking your FI?  Is there anyone else that feels this way about your relationship?  I'm not saying your FI does treat you badly, but sometimes others on the outside see things those in the relationship don't.

That aside, if you want to change his seating arrangement, go for it.  I don't really think you need to make an excuse for why, and why sit with someone who will make you unhappy on your wedding day?  Let him sit with your parents and be done with it.

suz62984

Well this seems pretty new so I would give it a few weeks before making a final decision. Just tell him flat out that you are sadden by the fact that he is not fond of your FI but that doesn't change your love for either one of them. Let him know that you hope they both can get along seeing how they will forever be family. If he can't let it go...move him. It's not like you are kicking him out or anything. I personally wouldn't want to hear judging all night either; however this is all speculation of his actions on your part.  Curious: How old is your brother?

halseyaa

My brother is soon to be 21 (I am 23). I think the main reason he doesn't like my fiance is that he isn't religious, but neither am I. Though I was raised Christian and went to Christian school all my life, I am agnostic but spiritual. I am a very private, introspective person. I pretty much try to be the best person I can be but my religious beliefs are extremely personal to me. I live my life by being true to myself and not telling other people how to live their lives.

My brother, on the other hand, has been getting really involved in youth ministries. A couple weeks ago attended his baptism. Though his path isnt for me, I wanted to be supportive of his journey. Unforunately, he feels that it is his duty to tell everyone else how to live. He likes to quote bible verses to me. The theme of his last email was that "submission is love" and since my fiance and I are both srong willed we must not be in love... Not trying to make this discussion religious but just wanted you to see what I believe to be his perspective.

mbcdefg

Sounds like he's just a dopey kid who's caught up in this new lifestyle.

I would personally leave things as they are and ignore him ... moving him would just add fuel to the fire. You can't control what he says or does, but you can control how YOU react to him. If you don't react to what he's spewing, hopefully he'll get the point and keep quiet.

Take the high road. Hopefully, with time, he will realize that religion (ideally) isn't about judging others. But if you punish him now by moving his seat, he may still remember that and be hurt by it for years to come (whether or not this religious thing sticks with him). It's only a few hours out of one day of your life, but it could very well set the tone of how you and he interact for the rest of your lives. Trust me, family members sometimes hold ridiculously long grudges over the STUPIDEST shiit.

emilykathleen511

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_please-moving-brother-another-table?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:364a13e6-c49e-4d64-87eb-88571b207b39Post:51d8a19e-6c26-4ac8-93b6-4b7945e31b49">Re: HELP PLEASE.... Moving my brother to another table!</a>:
[QUOTE]My brother is soon to be 21 (I am 23). I think the main reason he doesn't like my fiance is that he isn't religious, but neither am I. Though I was raised Christian and went to Christian school all my life, I am agnostic but spiritual. I am a very private, introspective person. I pretty much try to be the best person I can be but my religious beliefs are extremely personal to me. I live my life by being true to myself and not telling other people how to live their lives. My brother, on the other hand, has been getting really involved in youth ministries. A couple weeks ago attended his baptism. Though his path isnt for me, I wanted to be supportive of his journey. Unforunately, he feels that it is his duty to tell everyone else how to live. He likes to quote bible verses to me. The theme of his last email was that "submission is love" and since my fiance and I are both srong willed we must not be in love... Not trying to make this discussion religious but just wanted you to see what I believe to be his perspective.
Posted by halseyaa[/QUOTE]

<div>Ugh, gross. My FMIL hates me because I'm an atheist. and ONLY because I'm an atheist. Sick.</div>

xoxob

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_please-moving-brother-another-table?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:364a13e6-c49e-4d64-87eb-88571b207b39Post:51d8a19e-6c26-4ac8-93b6-4b7945e31b49">Re: HELP PLEASE.... Moving my brother to another table!</a>:
[QUOTE]My brother is soon to be 21 (I am 23). I think the main reason he doesn't like my fiance is that he isn't religious, but neither am I. Though I was raised Christian and went to Christian school all my life, I am agnostic but spiritual. I am a very private, introspective person. I pretty much try to be the best person I can be but my religious beliefs are extremely personal to me. I live my life by being true to myself and not telling other people how to live their lives. My brother, on the other hand, has been getting really involved in youth ministries. A couple weeks ago attended his baptism. Though his path isnt for me, I wanted to be supportive of his journey. Unforunately, he feels that it is his duty to tell everyone else how to live. He likes to quote bible verses to me. The theme of his last email was that "submission is love" and since my fiance and I are both srong willed we must not be in love... Not trying to make this discussion religious but just wanted you to see what I believe to be his perspective.
Posted by halseyaa[/QUOTE]

Oh. My. Word.

He's just a kid who is really into his lifestyle. If he were mature, he would know: live and let live. He doesn't yet see the path of mutual respect.

30% of the adults and family that attend my wedding are Mormon. None of them has said 'boo hiss' about us providing alcohol. I mean, they may mind when we force funnel them to chug beers, but we'll see...

saxy414

Why did he say yes to being a groomsman if he feels this way?   Is this a new thing having to do with getting into this super religious thing?  I think I'd give it another week or two and see if he says anything else.  Hopefully he has enough sense to keep his mouth closed when he's sitting at the table with you guys. 

And really, Jesus probably drank plenty of wine.  I don't understand getting all judgey about that.

halseyaa

I just want to say thanks to all you girls for the advice! I didn't realize how active the boards were on the Knot. I wish I had looked sooner because I could have been talking to you all along!

I think for now I am going to wait a few days and see what happens. MBCDEFG made a good point that I don't want to do anything over a period of a few hours that will affect our relationship the rest of our lives. Once I cool off maybe Ill feel better about sitting with him.

Two things I forgot to mention that make the situation more interesting/hilarious– 1.) The wedding is in Vegas, and 2.)  He is escorting my Fi's step sister (who is a stripper!) His feathers are sure to be ruffled regardless of where he sits so Im done worrying about it!

suz62984

Sorry about your brother. The next time he brings something like this up tell him to read Luke chapter 6 "judge not, and ye shall not be judged"  I'm not very religious but I like to combat the "holier than thous" with the bible. They usually get thrown off by this.

And how is he even saying that your FI is too controllive if he believes in all the submission is love stuff. The bible says that wives are supposed to submit to their husbands(which is BS).

Simply Fated

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_please-moving-brother-another-table?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:364a13e6-c49e-4d64-87eb-88571b207b39Post:77bb78c1-8743-491e-b4c7-4cefdc9c6714">Re: HELP PLEASE.... Moving my brother to another table!</a>:
[QUOTE]ITwo things I forgot to mention that make the situation more interesting/hilarious– 1.) The wedding is in Vegas, and 2.)  He is escorting my Fi's step sister (who is a stripper!) His feathers are sure to be ruffled regardless of where he sits so Im done worrying about it! :)
Posted by halseyaa[/QUOTE]
For these reasons I think you're best just leaving him at your table. if he asks to be moved, then move him. Otherwise, I agree it's just create more drama.