Wedding Party

Do you need to tell your BM they are not the MOH?

I'm looking for opinions on how to handle a potentially sticky situation.

I'm having two attendants in my wedding. When I initially asked them to be a part of our day, I asked if they would like to be in the wedding. I did not ask either person to be an MOH.

The reason for this is that I had these two ladies....Lulu, who is a friend I have known since grade school. I was also Lulu's MOH (well, "co-MOH" but that's another story entirely) 3 years ago for her wedding. I anticipate she was expecting to have the favor returned in my wedding. Lulu is an important part of MY life...but the other attendant is an important part of my and DF's life.

Poppy, the other BM I've known as long as I've known DF. We see each other every day at work and she knows all the details of my life and has been there for me through ups and downs.

After some deliberation, I decided Poppy will be my MOH. I asked her. She accepted.

Now I'm wondering if I need to tell Lulu that she's NOT the MOH. (Or rather tell her that Poppy IS.)

Poppy has led the charge in organizing things and emailed Lulu. I also plan to list out the bridal party on my wedding website which will be included in my STDs to be sent later this month. I thought that would be a nice, non-confrontational way to get the point across to lulu.

Lulu is extremely passive aggressive and even if I tried to say something like "I'm so happy you're going to be in my wedding. Everything is falling into place now...Poppy agreed to be MOH, you're a bridesmaid...PERFECT!" She'll get all quiet and awkward and secretly be hurt, but never tell me. And if she is hurt...there isn't much I can do about it.

I'm not making this choice to hurt Lulu, I'm doing this honor my feelings, my fiances' and my dear friend Poppy.

I just don't know if I need to "say" anything to Lulu to make it clear that she's not "the one."

Anyone have experience w/this?
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