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little sister in WP? (long)

My younger sister and I don't get along very well.  She blames me for our dad and her mom's divorce.  To be honest, I really don't want her to be a BM.  I'm afraid she'll just try to start crap (making me feel bad or making herself look better than me seems to be one of her favorite hobbies).

However, I feel like I should include her in some way, if not in the WP.  I'm afraid if I don't, it'll cause problems between me and several other family members.  Like, I bet my stepmom (which is how I still refer to my dad's ex...the situation takes too long to explain to people) will throw a FIT.  And yes, normally, she should have no say, let alone be INVITED (let's just say she wasn't very nice to me...), but out of all my siblings, I like my older sister (my stepmom's daughter, ten years my senior) the best.  And I'm pretty sure if I don't invite my stepmom, my older sister won't come (and therefore my niece, who I'd like to be one of the flower girls) wouldn't be there either.

Not to mention that my stepmom has somehow pushed her way into my dad's family (comes to all our holiday gatherings, etc.), and I imagine if I didn't involve my sister somehow, my stepmom would find a way to get my extended family on my case (I'm kinda the black sheep anyway, just because i actually think for myself instead of just thinking how the rest of them think).  I love my family, and I don't want to be completely ostracized over something like this.

I'm at a loss.  Any suggestions?

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Re: little sister in WP? (long)

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    If not including her will cause you more drama later, ask her.  Think of it as buying yourself some family peace.  My sister and I don't get along at all, she was my MOH, and nearly a year later I still have no regrets.  And I could tell you stories about her that would curl your hair.

    Ask her.  If she says no, then it's on her and you looked like the bigger person.  But put the ball in her court.
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    If your step-mom is no longer a relative but you're close to your older sister, why wouldn't she come if your step-mom isn't invited?  How does your dad feel about his ex-wife being invited (not your mother, of course)?

    Since it will cause family problems if you don't have your younger sister in the WP, ask her to be in the WP. 

    The only thing she needs to do related to the wedding is purchase a dress within her budget where she is comfortable with the fit.  If you're not set on having all of the BMs wear the same dress, you can just give her any criteria you have or choose 3-4 dresses to let each of your BMs choose from.  My criteria were designer, fabric, length and color.  The only things she needs to know in relation to the wedding besides which dress to  buy are the last date the dress can be ordered without a rush fee, the last date with a rush fee, and what time to show up to the wedding.
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    AutumnFairAutumnFair member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited July 2010
    If its going to cause way too much drama that will make you sick just ask her. But if you have patience and balls of stone then don't ask and prepare yourself for the possible sh*t storm that awaits if her and her mom starts up. My best friend did not ask her sister to be in the WP because she dislikes her a lot but then again her nor her mom made a strong backlash either. So no you don't have to ask, but if you can't handle the stress of being nagged, threaten, etc, then save yourself the headaches, blood pressure pills and ask her.  

    Add: I should also suggest that she can be a Reader or female Usher. 
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    Keep in mind also that what she says can only upset you if you let it upset you.  It won't be easy at first, but you need to learn to just let it slide off of you.  Give it no meaning.  The more she sees that it won't bother you, the less likely she is to say mean things.  I made the decision that whatever my sister did wasn't going to ruin things.  It wasn't easy sometimes; it truly wasn't.  I was very tempted to boot her a couple of times.  But I'm so glad I asked her and I'm so glad I didn't boot her.
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    my brother and i are like oil and water....he did not have me as part of his wedding nor my other brother...fine it's his day.

    some family thought it was odd but i honestly took no offense his friends are closer to him due to his own choice...

    now i am getting married and he will not be in the wedding - my fi wanted my other brother to help out but i nixed that so there would be no hurt feelings for one brother taking part and not the other....
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    We aren't including our siblings in the wedding party...he's not close to his brothers or sister, and although my brother and I are super close I didn't want to pressure my FI to include my brother in his wedding party since they don't know each other well. My brother will be walking/seating my step mom.

    If you just want to save yourself from potential family drama, then ask her to be a BM, not necessarily MOH (that should be reserved to the person you are closest too). But if you can handle the drama, I wouldn't include her in the WP. I don't believe just because you are siblings that she should be included. The wedding party should be the people you want standing up there with you, not someone you are forced or coerced into including.

    But in the end the decision is yours.
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