Bridesmaid not ordering dress

estelle d

Ok so I do not know how to approach this situation without affending anyone.

When I first set a wedding date a year and 1/2 before my wedding I asked my bridesmaids to be in the wedding and they said yes. In July I asked them all if October would be good for each of them to order the dresses and I gave them the price range of the dress asking if this was affordable if not I could continue to look and all said yes it was fine. When it came to order the dresses 2 bridesmaids did not one being my maid of honor.

Now it is January and my wedding is in June and they still have not ordered their dresses. I do not know how to ask them without affending them.

Does anyone have any suggestions on how to appraoch this without hurting anyones feelings. I do not want to ruin any friendships.

banana468

Stage is right on. 

1) Rather than name a range and see if it fits, ask them what their budget is or the dress.

2) Now that your wedding is in under 6 mos, find out when the dresses MUST be ordered (you probably have plenty of time).  THEN, let the ladies know when the drop dead ordering date actually is. 

mbcdefg

Ditto PPs. Saying something like, "I think you should expect to spend $xxx, is this O.K.?" sort of puts them on the spot. They may have felt pressured to say yes even if they were uncomfortable with the price. (Or who knows, maybe their financial situations have changed since then.)

It's nice that you at least asked, but remember that our society unfortunately labels bridesmaids as "biitches" very often if they don't go along with exactly what the bride wants. And even if that's not the case here, many good friends don't like to say no to a happy bride.

I would call each of them, or talk in person, and say something like, "Hey, I'm realizing now that I asked you in the wrong way about your dress budget, and I'm really sorry since I feel like I may have inadvertently pressured you into a price you might not have been comfortable with. I apologize if this has given you a hard time. I want to start fresh ... please be 100% honest with me and let me know if you are unhappy with the price, or with the style of the dress. If there's some kind of problem I'd like to know so that I can help work it out."

And like PPs said, too, they may still think that they have plenty of time to order (which they probably do). Call the shop and get a real deadline. You jumped the gun with asking them to purchase so far in advance.

emilyinchile

Yes to what everyone's said.

I'm a big proponent of finding the real deadline and giving your BMs that information. It's your job to be clear that this is the last day they can order and hope to have the dresses in and altered in time, but once they have that information, it's their job to order. Bugging them about it will probably just end up annoying all of you.

aerinpegadrak

Even if the drop dead date has passed, she can still get the dress from eBay, Craigslist, or the Trash to Treasure board, pay extra for rush charges, call around to different shops until she finds a place that has it in stock in her size or something close, or find another dress that's close.

My wedding is in April and three of my six girls still don't have dresses.  It's FINE.  If she's really an important friend, you'll want her up there with you even if she's in her pajamas.

liacin

I'm not sure if I agree with the rest of the posters.

It sounds like you gave your bridesmaids plenty of notice and was very honest about the fact that they would have to buy their bridesmaid dress.  If you asked them in July and it is now January, that has given them 6 full months to save up money for the dress, so I don't really think that budget is the real issue here, unless your bridesmaid dresses were ridiculously expensive.

I think that it was okay for you to have said "Here is the bridesmaid dress I like, is the price okay?" because it is your wedding.  People know that when they are a bridesmaid they are expected to buy their dress.  If they really can't afford this expense they could always DECLINE the offer.  Also, if someone was really worried about the budget, I'm sure they would have spoken up about the price (I know I would have!)  

On the other hand, of course any bride should take her bridesmaids budgets into consideration!

When I was picking out bridesmaids dresses, I didn't actually ask them "Is this price okay?" because I think that question does tend to put people on the spot and they will automatically say yes even if it isn't true.  Who wants to say "No way!", right?  I knew my bridesmaids were ALL on a tight budget so I simply picked out the most reasonably priced bridesmaid dress that I liked and told them this was the one.  It was from Davids Bridal and was around $100-120 dollars I believe.

As far as how to approach them about the dress, I would do so very gracefully.  Don't say anything like "Have you gotten your dress yet?  My wedding is only 5 months away! Hurry up!"

Most likely they haven't bought their dress simply because they haven't gotten around to it yet!  3 of my Bridesmaids haven't bought theirs for that exact reason (and I know this to be the true reason)

Maybe you could send them a nice email and say something like: "I was thinking it might be a fun idea if we all go into the store together and get your bridesmaids dresses, that way we can have some fun girl time and I can see how beautiful you look in your bridesmaid dress!"  That way there is less pressure.