bachelorette party

louannholzer

Hi ladies. So I have a while until my bach party but one of my bridesmaids (she lives with me). Was talking about what she'd like to do for my party. In her eyes going to the bar, strippers, penis cakes and so on and so forth is the way to go. 

Well this kind of party may work for some but it is not what I want. I really just want to have a girls night in hanging out and enjoying my girls, I don't drink for personal reasons. She thinks this is "stupid" and said well your not planning it...well I appreciate her wanting to throw me a party but I am not into the party hardy scene as she is. 

Question is, how do I nicely let her know what I'd prefer and if my girls don't want to do it I don't need a bach party? 

Mrs.B6302007

It's a tough spot to be in because you don't want to look ungrateful but at the same time, if it's not what you are comfortable with then you should speak up. 

Here's a similar recent discussion.  Maybe this will help you some. 

http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_do-you-have-to-graciously-accept-all-aspects-of-a-b-party

Miss_2010

Just be up front and honest when it gets brought up. 

However, I have the same problem.  My MOH wants that, and my other BMs and myself and even my FI have told her no.  Now, I DO want the bar scene, but I don't need penises hanging off me, sashes, crowns, etc.  10 years ago I would have thought it was a riot, not now.  I want food, drinks, and dancing at a club, minus the blaring "look at me" attire.  But despite everybody's best efforts in telling her point blank, she is doing what she wants to do anyway, no idea why.  So I guess I'll see how it goes this Saturday.  I am sure it will be fun...but if there is a crown/veil/penis hanging off me, it may conveniently get lost after an hour of having it on

calliopeia2013

If she's honestly unwilling to change her mind, just decline any party she offers to throw.  But have you tried just gently saying, "Hey bridesmaid, I know I'm not the one planning the party, but I hope you know me well enough to know I'd have a miserable time at any sort of bar-scene, penis-draped spectacle? Especially since you know I don't drink?"

libby2483

When the party comes up again, I would just give her some input as to what you would like to do of not do. If worded kindly, I don't think there is anything wrong with this. For my bachelorette party we are doing a waterpark, dinner, and drinks at the bars. I was very clear with my MOH that I don't want a bunch of penis stuff there. I am a teacher and I don't want pictures of me wearing anything penis related to end up on the internet.

artbyallie

Warn her that you won't go if that's what she plans. She's free to waste her money on stupid penis-themed party favors, but you are not obligated to participate.

ElisabethJoanne

I agree with PPs.

Also, just because you're getting married does not mean you're no longer allowed to host other parties. In fact, a bride-hosted "tea" is traditional. If you want a girls' night in, I'd just plan it myself. You don't have to make it any way wedding-related. Just invite your friends for "a girls' night in" or a "get together" or whatever wording you would usually use.