Sister will be 9 months pregnant.....

Tatarelli1

HI everyone!
I just wanted to get some feedback on how you would handle this situation...
My little sister (also my MOH) just found out she's pregnant. She's only 21 and the baby is def. a "surprise" I still want her to walk down the isle and continue in her role as MOH but my problem is with the bachelorette party. We'll be going to the beach for the weekend and most likely will be hitting a lot of bars and just having a good time. She's stated more than once that she doesn't care if she'll be 8 mon. pregnant she's still coming to the party and will dance all night! The problem is  I'm afraid she'll get catty looks and mean comments shot her way all night b/c she will be very obviously young and pregnant at the time. Should someone who's 8 mon. pregnant  be hanging out in bars all weekend? Am I making way too much out of this?? Should she come to the shore and just not do the bar thing?? I don't know why this is stressing me out so much=) I guess I just don't want her to be uncomfortable all night...like right now she's fine with the idea but she's not even showing yet! lol. What do you all think?

gottahavashorti

[QUOTE]We'll be going to the beach for the weekend and most likely will be hitting a lot of bars and just having a good time. She's stated more than once that she doesn't care if she'll be 8 mon. pregnant she's still coming to the party and will dance all night! The problem is...I don't really know if I want her to be there. I'm afraid she'll get catty looks and mean comments shot her way all night b/c she will be very obviously young and pregnant at the time.
Posted by Tatarelli1[/QUOTE]

She's a grown woman, so let her decide whether she'll be comfortable being at bars.  Unless she is going to smoke filled bars frequently throughout her pregnancy, I don't see an issue.  And not all states even allow smoking in bars anymore.

If there are catty looks and mean comments because she's young and pregnant, that's not going to really change whether or not she is in a bar.  If she's old enough to be in a bar, she's not <em>that</em> young anyhow.  She can DD and carry no drink or a drink that is obviously non-alcoholic if she is worried about people thinking that she is drinking and pregnant.

brookelynpaisley

You don't get to tell a grown woman what to do. You asked her to be your MOH, which means that she should be included in all parties that she wants to be. She may decide that at 8 months pregnant, she's too tired to participate anyway. But she's the only one who gets to worry about catty and judging looks from men or anyone else. You need to let her make those decisions.

rainedrop6

It's sweet how protective you are of your sister. It sounds like you're just worried she won't have a good time when it actually comes down to being out in a bar all night and you don't want to see her uncomfortable or judged. 

I'm in the same situation, MY Sis/MOH will be over 8 months pregnant at our wedding. She also plans to participate in everything we do, in fact she's planning it (including going out to bars). I would hate for her not to be there. She's the most important person in my life and her being absent would ruin the experience for me.

I suggest being open to sis attending everything. Let her decide how she's feeling and if she's up to it. She may think she'll be a ball of energy now but if this is her 1st baby, she probably isn't going to know how she'll feel until the day of. I'd just have a backup plan in case she gets tired while you're out and wants to head back to the hotel early (get her a cab and have a backup DD). 

As for the possible stares and comments, I would hope most people would be smart enough (I know, I'm an optimist) to realize that a pregnant women has probably been highly educated by her doctor on the dangers of drinking alcohol during pregnancy and that just because she's in a bar, doesn't necessarily mean she's drinking. In fact, instead of obvious non-alcoholic drinkks, I hope my sister drinks virgin versions all night. If someone does have the balls to say something to her, I will just responded as sweet as possible "It's really not any of your business but come on, have some common sense. She's pregnant not stupid".

lyndausvi

ditto everyone else.

My BM was 8 months pregnant at my wedding and went to bars.  No one gave her looks.  It was obvious it was a celebration with the amount of people around.  I'm sure no one gave it a second thought.

MyNameIsNot

You are more concerned with what strangers in a bar would be thinking about your pregnant sister than about how she would feel if you told her she couldn't come b/c she's pregnant?

mwhitson14

Honestly, it's none of your business what your sister does. If she wants to come, there's nothing you can do.

Even if you did want to do something about it, what would you say? These kinds of questions make me shake my head, because even if you did make an issue of it, how would you go about it? Say, "Sis, everybody is going to think you're a total hag for coming to the bars at 9 months pregnant, so you can't come. Have fun sitting at home!"

No, you wouldn't do that and there's no way to do it without sounding like a heifer.

leeshab1982

I think it's totally normal to be thinking of these things.  I'm sure I would be thinking of the same things if I were in your place.  But all of the decisions will need to be made by your sister.  Just let her know that you'd be completely understanding if she ends up not feeling comfortable going to the bachelorette party or to the bars.  Maybe she's saying that she'll dance all night long because she's worried you'll be upset if she can't come.  Just be open with her and let her know that you'll be fine with whatever she chooses.  Then just support her like crazy!  That's how I'd handle the situation.  Good luck

Mrs.B6302007

I still want her to walk down the isle and continue in her role as MOH but my problem is with the bachelorette party.

I think you should be more concerned with whether or not she WANTS TO or CAN walk down the aisle and be your MOH  than not wanting her to come to the bparty.

Tatarelli1

thanks for the advice everyone! I didn;t mean that I didnt want her there..I worded that incorrectly. What I meant was I dont want her to come out of obligation if it's not going to be something she's comfortable with. And the reason I'm not concerned about her wanting to walk down the isle is B/c she's already told me she does and of course I want her to=) and if she CANT walk....well, that doesn't concern me b/c I can't control that. I HOPE she's feeling up to it=) More than anything I just didn't want her to feel uncomfortable all weekend and I should've written that better. Thanks again!

mwhitson14

isle = aisle

megk8oz

I think you're way over-thinking this, people being pregnant at a young age hardly phases people anymore (And actually, 21 is a legal adult, lots of people are having babies in wedlock at that age) it's not like she's 14 walking around with a baby belly. Unless she's trying to drink (Which I'm hoping she or somebody with you would be responsible enough to ensure that doesn't happen), there's nothing wrong or weird about somebody going out and having fun in that "condition".

The only concern I'd be having is if the places you're going to are going to be smokey, which isn't healthy for anybody to be around. I'm from a state that thankfully has banned smoking in bars and restaraunts (Makes going out way nicer), but I know that we're in a very small minority.

But even with the smoke, your sister is the only one that can decide how she feels about going and how much she's capable of doing at that time.

I've been around lots of pregnant women, I've seen some that were on their feet running around without missing a beat just hours before they went into labor, and I've also seen other women that at about 7 months couldn't do more than the bare minimum of physical activities without getting tired and needing to rest. The only thing you can do if she's feeling up to going is to just check in with her here and there to make sure she's fine. And also let her know that she doesn't need to over-do it for your sake, you won't be mad at her if at any point she needs to call it a night early if she is feeling tired.

amalama

I agree with everyone else that you should leave it up to her. I wouldn't automatically assume that she will DD, because then she will probably feel oblgated to stay out later then she may feel up too. Also, I would suggest if you really want her there to pick bars that won't be too crowded, and a place that she will be able to find a chair to sit down in, not packed bars with nowhere she can take a break.

My sister was pregnant for my last birthday but still came out with us. I told her I was fine with her just going to dinner if she wanted, but she decided to come to the bars for a little while with us too. She ended up staying out with us till the bars closed because she was still having lots of fun!

megk8oz

Oh, I just noticed you were from Philly, so I'm assuming you mean the Jersey Shore?

If that's the case, yeah, there's no smoking here, so really, it's just a matter of her feeling up to going at the time.

mbcdefg

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_sister-will-9-months-pregnant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:3727f5ed-0e42-481c-8414-7fb5e54d9536Post:db665563-c567-43fe-8248-933bf754ac06">Re: Sister will be 9 months pregnant.....</a>:
[QUOTE]What I meant was I dont want her to come out of obligation if it's not going to be something she's comfortable with.
Posted by Tatarelli1[/QUOTE]

That's fine to be concerned about it. But I would also hope that you have the type of relationship where you can be honest with each other. If you feel that she would do something that made her uncomfortable just to please you, then instead of worrying about it just try and build up the relationship to the point where you can both be 100% honest with each other and still not hurt the other's feelings.

And if you DO mean the Jersey Shore ... well, coming from someone born and raised in New Jersey, believe me when I say that a pregnant girl hanging out in a bar will be FAR from the trashiest or most shocking thing that happens in most part-centered Shore towns ;)

Tatarelli1

sorry, asile.....I'll be sure to re-read and spell check my posts next time;)

We'll be in OC MD so no need for a driver..there's the bus that runs all night.

I was def. over-thinking! I think it's b/c I have so many other ppl in my ear telling me what they would do or how they would feel. I kind of wanted the opinion of strangers I guess...ppl who don't know my sister or our complete situations. I think I'll just let her know that she can decide for herself when the time comes and if she feels up to it, she can hang out all night and if not, she's free to leave early or do as much as she feels up to. Thanks again!!

gottahavashorti

I can't for the life of me remember whether smoking is allowed in MD bars.  I think the smokers are usually outside on the sidewalk.  You're not going during Senior Week are you?  If you are, the OC MD bus is usually super crowded and full of drunk queasy 18 year olds at night.  Sounds like you've got a plan now, though.

Tatarelli1

Now that I'm thinking abt it..it might be during senior week....we could always change that though. I never thought abt. that. Thanks! As for the smoking, I'm not positive but I think ppl usually go outside to smoke....? It's been a few yrs. since I've been there...

gottahavashorti

It looks like it is banned: http://www.wtopnews.com/index.php?nid=25&sid=1109301

You may want to make sure she has a full driver's license without the "under 21 until..." bar just to be safe. I think MD requires horizontal IDs since that is how their licences work.  I've never seen it enforced but I have heard of places doing so on occasion.

Senior Weeks are usually all through June.

banana468

I think you may just want to make sure that she's OK to travel more than an hour while pregnant.  If she can't, I'd consider revising the bachelorette plans.

Beyond that, it's for your sister to decide if she can attend or not.