Maybe this gal thought the boards were too mean, too

bablingbrooke

Boy did she go to the wrong place for sympathy: 

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/09/23/AR2010092306481.html

Does this make Carolyn Hax a meanie too?

bablingbrooke

Boy did she go to the wrong place for sympathy: 

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/09/23/AR2010092306481.html

Does this make Carolyn Hax a meanie too?

bablingbrooke

Ooh, update during Carolyn's Live Chat:

Bridezilla : Hi Carolyn, thanks for taking my question in today's column. I've got good news and bad news. The good news is that the bridesmaid who sent the original email did realize her mistake, and apologized pretty profusely. It turns out she was the main one who felt that way, and the others had kind of been telling her to can it all along. She's got some issues of her own but I've forgiven her for it.

The bad news is my fiance called off the engagement shortly after I wrote that letter, for reasons probably having something to do with my anxiety over the wedding. Oh well. I do still have my friends, who are pretty wonderful in spite of everything.

Carolyn Hax: I'm really sorry--you've been buffeted by a few forces lately, painfully and publicly, when you were expecting the happiest of times.

I don't know how to say this without sounding insensitive, so I'll just say it: I suspect you'll eventually be glad the wedding didn't happen. There are couples who get swept up in their weddings, and couples who get swept up in each other, and it's rare when the twain do meet. You sounded like the former. It's worth holding out for the latter.

And, yes, it does sound as if you have wonderful friends.  

PeonyPrincesskdd

Nice excuse the bride said.. she is debatting telling her WP she can't afford a WP?

Ugh.

Seriously all that is required is to get them each a bouquet and boutinere right??

She would lie and tell them she can't afford a bridal party and just end up making herself look like an ass.

They will see right through her if she chose to do that.  She would look like a bridezilla arrogant bi^ch and on top of it , look like a liar of a "friend"

that's all I can say lol

PeonyPrincesskdd

Omg, called off the wedding.. wowy wow

AdeleDazeem

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_maybe-this-gal-thought-boards-were-mean?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:38fe96e8-9f38-4d84-ac5a-f521e6335f00Post:f01e02f2-f99f-4181-8f7d-0256dd98f53f">Re: Maybe this gal thought the boards were too mean, too</a>:
[QUOTE]Ooh, update during Carolyn's Live Chat: Bridezilla :( : Hi Carolyn, thanks for taking my question in today's column. I've got good news and bad news. <strong>The good news is that the bridesmaid who sent the original email did realize her mistake</strong>, and apologized pretty profusely. It turns out she was the main one who felt that way, and the others had kind of been telling her to can it all along. She's got some issues of her own but I've forgiven her for it. The bad news is my fiance called off the engagement shortly after I wrote that letter, for reasons probably having something to do with my anxiety over the wedding. Oh well. I do still have my friends, who are pretty wonderful in spite of everything. Carolyn Hax: I'm really sorry--you've been buffeted by a few forces lately, painfully and publicly, when you were expecting the happiest of times. I don't know how to say this without sounding insensitive, so I'll just say it: I suspect you'll eventually be glad the wedding didn't happen. There are couples who get swept up in their weddings, and couples who get swept up in each other, and it's rare when the twain do meet. You sounded like the former. It's worth holding out for the latter. And, yes, it does sound as if you have wonderful friends.  
Posted by bablingbrooke[/QUOTE]

This bolded sentence irks me.  A LOT.

I'm glad the bridesmaid realized her mistake.  What about you, bride?  What about YOU?

bablingbrooke

You should read the whole chat--about 4 people wrote in about her, none of them expressing sympathy (except for one who said maybe it's social networking that makes brides want to share so much).  

ETA: The bride also basically says that she went so over the top that the relationship suffered and she lost her FI at the expense of getting the wedding details right.  Cautionary tale.  I'm sure she learned her lesson and won't be doing this next time.  I have a theory that the more obsessed you are with the wedding, the less likely the marriage will be successful since you're putting all your energy into the wedding, not the relationship.  I also liked her comment about how some couples get swept up in the wedding while others get swept up in each other.  DH and I were the latter--we just wanted to be married and didn't focus on the party details.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/discussion/2010/09/17/DI2010091704731.html

I love how Carolyn repeats what we write here every day: No one will ever care about your wedding as much as you do, so stop expecting it.

aerinpegadrak

You know, I often wonder how many of the total 'zillas that we see on these boards actually get through the wedding, let alone the first year of marriage.

emilyinchile

I have a friend who was a total bridezilla, and I honestly thought her FI was going to dump her before they got to the wedding (and would have frankly found him justified in doing so). Post-wedding, thank god, she's returned to normal, and they're MUCH happier than they ever were during all of the planning, which is great. But at the same time it's sad/weird to me to think they lost those 8 months not even really liking each other that much because she was too obessesed with stupid crap and doing things her way, ya know?

Manwaithiel

It makes me sad. Really.

I sincerely hope I never get that caught up in it. Seriously. At least the bride did admit that the problems were her issues after some sound advice from Carolyn.

Most of my stressing about "wedding" is usually about the "marriage". For awhile it was "Where the heck are we going to live without selling our internal organs on the black market?" Now it's getting an affordable cell phone plan and health insurance, finding a job for me in the area that FI has now settled into. Usually the actual "wedding" stuff gets put on the back burner. I have to. I just don't have time to start having a stress fest over flowers, BM dresses, etc.

When I DO go overboard with the actual party (talking about it, stressing about it) one my best friends has this very good dismissive attitude that she'll take on. It's not mean, she just kind of lets me blah blah blah until I realize that I'm being a crazy and need to chill out. She expertly tells me to settle down without actually having to say anything. My sister can do the exact same thing. The girl in this article is very wise - it is so good to have such lovely friends.

I'm with Brooke. I want to be freaking married already. The rest of it is lovely and nice, but I just want to be FI's wife pronto.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_maybe-this-gal-thought-boards-were-mean?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:38fe96e8-9f38-4d84-ac5a-f521e6335f00Post:f01e02f2-f99f-4181-8f7d-0256dd98f53f">Re: Maybe this gal thought the boards were too mean, too</a>:
[QUOTE]Ooh, update during Carolyn's Live Chat: Bridezilla :( : Hi Carolyn, thanks for taking my question in today's column. I've got good news and bad news. The good news is that the bridesmaid who sent the original email did realize her mistake, and apologized pretty profusely. It turns out she was the main one who felt that way, and the others had kind of been telling her to can it all along.<strong> She's got some issues of her own but I've forgiven her for it.</strong> The bad news is my fiance called off the engagement shortly after I wrote that letter, for reasons probably having something to do with my anxiety over the wedding. Oh well. I do still have my friends, who are pretty wonderful in spite of everything. Carolyn Hax: I'm really sorry--you've been buffeted by a few forces lately, painfully and publicly, when you were expecting the happiest of times. I don't know how to say this without sounding insensitive, so I'll just say it: I suspect you'll eventually be glad the wedding didn't happen. There are couples who get swept up in their weddings, and couples who get swept up in each other, and it's rare when the twain do meet. You sounded like the former. It's worth holding out for the latter. And, yes, it does sound as if you have wonderful friends.  
Posted by bablingbrooke[/QUOTE]


Why should she apologize?? Ugh!! Maybe "sorry you found out" but not about writing it and certainly not about her 'own issues.' Good grief.

I mean, really??

Goodness, imagine what BM would have done without Bride's forgiveness for having personal issues. What a world, what a world.

bablingbrooke

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_maybe-this-gal-thought-boards-were-mean?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:38fe96e8-9f38-4d84-ac5a-f521e6335f00Post:dabafd43-957f-4480-9dc6-ecba26d99a4f">Re: Maybe this gal thought the boards were too mean, too</a>:
[QUOTE]Most of my stressing about "wedding" is usually about the "marriage". For awhile it was "Where the heck are we going to live without selling our internal organs on the black market?" Now it's getting an affordable cell phone plan and health insurance, finding a job for me in the area that FI has now settled into. Usually the actual "wedding" stuff gets put on the back burner. I have to. I just don't have time to start having a stress fest over flowers, BM dresses, etc. Wh
Posted by Manwaithiel[/QUOTE]
We were the same: We'd just moved to the east coast and knew no one, I'd just started law school, DH was out of work, the economy was collapsing and every day another major bank was failing.  Basically we got engaged and then the world collapsed around us and I'm not going to lie--it was a <strong>very</strong> difficult year.  <div>
</div><div>I wish we'd had the luxury of being able to focus our energies on something fun like a wedding, rather than wondering how we're going to pay rent or whether we'd have to spend the first year of marriage apart if DH had to take a job out of state (which he did).  I would have loved to lose sleep over the color of cocktail napkins instead of moot court briefs.  </div><div>
</div><div>Funnily enough, I'm actually really glad that was our engagement experience.  We stuck it out when things were at their worst at a time when we could have walked away from each other without any real consequences.  We didn't have to stay together.  It taught us the true meaning of commitment: Sticking it out even when it isn't fun.  I have complete confidence that we can handle whatever life throws at us because we were able to handle THAT.  Our engagement prepared us for marriage--seems like that should be the point.</div>

kathrynhabibti

[QUOTE]And the real moral to the story is that up to the minute that this bride saw the e-mail, she was positive that she had the nicest, happiest, most supportive WP ever. Kind of lends credence to the whole "people will say things behind your back that they won't say to your face, ESPECIALLY your family and close friends" thing, huh?
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]
YES. Good call. So many people here believe, for some reason, that because it's their family and friends, they would never ever say anything bad about how they are planning things; everything rude they plan on doing is completely acceptable to their family. I don't know where this idea comes from.

SEWF

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_maybe-this-gal-thought-boards-were-mean?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:38fe96e8-9f38-4d84-ac5a-f521e6335f00Post:dabafd43-957f-4480-9dc6-ecba26d99a4f">Re: Maybe this gal thought the boards were too mean, too</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm with Brooke. I want to be freaking married already. The rest of it is lovely and nice, but I just want to be FI's wife pronto.
Posted by Manwaithiel[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Me, too. I've only been engaged for two months, but we've been together for almost seven years. Yes, I'm excited for the wedding, but I just really excited to be able to call him my husband! And have babies! And get old with him, and fight, and make up, and have him make me breakfast and me make him dinner, and seeing him asleep on the couch with our baby on his chest! Geez! Can I just skip to the good stuff?</div>