friend upset she's not in wedding party

erica913

I got an email today from a friend who i was really close to in high school. She got married when i was in college and since then we drifted apart. We see each other 2 or 3 times a year. she's very upset that she's not in my wedding party and angry that she found out by visiting my knot website. she's also upset i didn't personally tell her after i got engaged. other than immediate family, almost everyone else found out about this via facebook. i feel like she (and almost everyone else i know) is making a much bigger deal about our wedding than we are. we're just low-key people. i don't care much about weddings and am only having one instead of going to the courthouse because my fi thinks down the road i would regret it. how do i get her to understand i wasn't out to intentionally hurt her? and how do i get her (and everyone else) to understand that our wedding isn't such a huge deal to me? it's the rest of our lives i care more about - not this one day.

mbcdefg

You were not wrong. Your friend was wrong for assuming that someone you haven't been close to lately would ask her to be a bridesmaid.

She needs to get over it. You can say, "I'm sorry that you're hurt, it was never my intention to insult you" if you'd like, but I think that you absolutely do not owe her an apology, or an explanation. It's not your fault that she took it personally.

As for how to let other people know that you don't want to make a big deal of things ... I guess just go about your plans and don't let others talk you into anything you're not comfortable with. People will probably offer suggestions and advice, so I would personally just smile and thank them and say, "We'll consider it!" or "Thanks, but we already booked that vendor already, but we appreciate the advice!" I'd also advise not bringing up the wedding if you don't want unsolicited comments, and politely change the subject if someone else is the one to bring it up.

CTGirl30

Your friend committed a faux pas by guilt tripping you upon finding out she wasn't asked to be in the WP. I'm sorry she put you in that position (how awkward) and if you feel you must say something an "I'm sorry you're hurt - it was never my intention for you to feel that way" would be appropriate. You don't owe her any more explanation - it's her reaction to not being asked...not you doing anything impolite. The WP is a very personal choice for brides & grooms and it's unfair of friends & family to question it directly to the B&G.

And yes, if you prefer to keep your wedding on the down low, just go about your planning....do be prepared that some friends & family will be likely to ask you how it's going from time to time simply because they care and you can just give them a quick recap without rehashing everything if it's not your style.

erica913

Thanks guys... this has really bothered me. i feel like i'm supposed to feel guilty and that's the last thing i want to feel about my wedding! i appreciate all your advice. it gives me a great starting point for crafting my reply.