Maid of honor guest troubles

coker90

OK. I have known my maid of honor literally since i was born. We were best friends growing up and we are still very close so its only natural that i would pick her as my MOH. The only problem is that her boyfriend is a total jerk, and no-one likes him. When i say no-one i really mean not one person. He is not even allowed in her parents house. So obviously she is going to be at the head table with me, and the only people at the wedding he will know is my FI and I my MOH and her family and my parents, and no way is he going to sit at my parents table, or my head table. So the problem is, what do i do with him? I know that her parents cant stand him so i know they wont want him at their table, and he wont know anyone else. Honestly i was not going to invite him, because i dont like him, and when she told him that we were engaged the first thing out of his mouth was "oh is she pregnant?' not so much. She already mentioned something about him being there, so that shot that idea down.  We arent getting married for another year and a half so should i just hope they break up between now and then?

What do i do?

mbcdefg

Hope that they break up between now and then (this is another reason why you shouldn't choose your bridal party more than a year in advance).

If they're not broken up by then, invite him. It's rude not to do so. Unless he is violent. If he's literally a violent guy then you probably have cause to exclude him. If by chance he pulls some kind of stunt at the reception, you can ask the reception site staff to escort him out. Otherwise, there's really no reason why you shouldn't invite him ... being around annoying or rude person isn't fun, but it's not a crime for him to be annoying or rude.


Suck it up and invite him, but ignore him. Say a polite "hello" and then excuse yourself and walk away if he gets annoying. I would be willing to bet that you will not have time to say two words to him ... at my wedding, I barely had time to talk to the people I actually LIKED (and that included the BP members and their dates sitting right beside me).

futurepivko

since you have a year and a half, they may break up, they may get engaged....they may get married! who knows. however, he is with your MOH and he obviously has won over her heart somehow. OF COURSE she would expect him to be invited....ive been to weddings without my FI (due to him having a golf pro conference and what not) and its AWKWARD.

 i think its a little unfair to "wish" they breakup...how would you feel if you found out someone "wished" you and your FI broke up?

give it some time. obviously, he has some growing up to do. when its 6 months before your wedding, THEN you can freak out over these details.

Beachy730

You could choose to sit the WP with their guests and that would solve the problem of where to sit him. 

And hope they break up.

bablingbrooke

We had a couple plus-ones at our wedding who I could have lived without seeing.  But that would have been incredibly rude of me.  So they were invited.  I spent about 30 seconds speaking to each one.  I otherwise didn't see them that much.  They're engaged.  You don't have to be happy about that, but you do have to invite him.  This is not the time or place to make a statement about how much everyone hates this guy.

i3rooke

You have plenty of time. I agree with DNBeach. Since you have so much time to plan, you can do a sweetheart table and let the WP sit with their families/significant others/friends. You might find your WP likes this better too, because it is less people staring at them eating =P.

megk8oz

I absolutely hated the girl our Best Man was involved with at the time of our wedding...and honestly, the Best Man was the only person attending that thought she was a tolerable individual. But they were in a serious relationship, and considered a social unit, so there was no way I could not invite her without looking like a total jerk.

I did a sweetheart table, and then sat the WP at their own tables with their dates. We didn't pick that option solely because she would have been otherwise difficult to find a seat for (Honestly, we just felt it was totally rude to the S/Os to make them sit by themselves all night) but solving that problem was definitely a bonus.

You've got over a year until your wedding, so if they don't break up, you still have more than enough time to back out of doing a head table-most venues will let you make a change like that up until the day before the wedding.

bablingbrooke

Meg I LOVE your new siggy.  Can't wait for Deathly Hallows!  Poor DH is being put through Harry Potter boot camp so he can be my date

saisongbird

You have to invite her with a date if she's in a relationship, and if she's dating this d-bag, then unfortunately, then he'll be there.  But save yourself the hassle of worrying about where to seat him by doing a sweetheart table, so you don't have to sit with him.  Then just seat her and her date with mutual friends, and voila!  Problem solved.  You're not sitting with him, and your family isn't sitting with him.

And pray that they break up in the meantime.

Summer2011Bride

We're planning on seating all our wedding parties' significant others together. If he has to be put with someone, it makes sense he go with them. I agree it is rude to not invite him if they are still together. Just hope they either break up or you are so busy on your wedding day you don't have to really interact at all with him.

banana468

You need to invite him - and you need to seat your WP WITH their SOs.  It's really rude not to.

Yes, it's no fun when your friends date people you can't stand but that's part of life.  You still need to treat them as a couple and seat them as a couple at the reception.  Don't be rude to your WP.

coker90

Thanks for all the good info!! I guess that I am just going to have to tolerate him and his terrible attitude. He is just such a d-bag. If she wears a shirt that he dosent like he throws a huge fit and degrades her until she is crying. When we were little it would always be my idea to do whatever it was that got us in trouble that day and she would just go along with it for whatever reason, and its the same way with her BF. He lives llike 3 hours away from our hometown and he controls here even from there! From what her mom told me my MOH had sent him the pictures of the bridesmaid dresses I was thinking about picking for the girls and he was screaming at her on the phone about how she has to wear such a "' skanky dress" for that bit*h's wedding'. No joke. and the dresses I was looking at were by no means skanky. They are all tea length and none of them are even slightly revealing I'm not trying to have them hanging out of their dress at my wedding. ( My plan is to pick 3 or 4 different styles of dresses and let my BMs pick the style they want because none of them are the same size.) I can only imagine the hell he is going to raise when she has to wear it. And that is only going to make the whole situation worse.

deepcovejackie

I agree with Retread.  This is a way more serious situation than just a wedding guest issue.

banana468

Ditto Retread.  This is way more serious than a wedding guest issue. 

tldh

Please take Retread's advice but also be sure to keep open every possible channel of communication between you and your friend.  Many women stay in abusive relationships because their Hs or BFs have managed to cut them off from everyone and they feel they have nowhere to turn.