So here is my dilemna. My fiance has one brother and one sister. Since the beginning of our relationship I have always made it a point to be friends with his sister. Over the years we have had this sort of one way friendship where she only comes to me when she wants me to hear all the drama going on in her life or talk about a new guy she has met. She never calls to say hello or simply just see how I am doing. She has not had a job for the last year and is living at home with her parents. She also has this very special way of always trying to make everything about herself, to be honest I have never known a more selfish human being in my life. Example, when we announced that we had gotten engaged her response to my fiance (her brother) "it is such a shame you had to plan this during a time where all of us are struggling financially." We live in California and had 20 of our closest friends and family come out for our engagement celebration/dinner. She was the only family member that did not show up. She said she could not afford gas to drive out and she could not afford to spend money on the dinner. She also told us that she read online that it is the future groom's responsibility to pay for the engagement dinner and did not understand why she would have to pay for dinner. I even told my fiance I would front the money to her so she could come because if it meant that much to him we would make it work. She had three months to plan for it and she has a difficulty holding down a job because partying seems to have always been more of a priority that anything. He said he did not want to condone her behavior and help her out like everyone always does, that she needed to realize that life isn't always about her.
Our engagement dinner came and went. The about a month ago she just came right out and asked who we had picked for our wedding parties. I told her who my finace had chose and vice versa. When she obviously realized I was not going to ask her to be in the party things got bad quickly. I explained to her it would not be fair to put the financial burden on her since she was not working and made it very clear how tough things were prior to our engagement dinner. She basically said to me that the future sister in law is always supposed to be in the wedding party, that our sides are not even, and that all she would have to pay for would be the dress. That my mother is supposed to pay for the hair and makeup. She also mentioned that their other brother was going to be the best man and it would be unfair that she was left out. (This is mildly putting it compared to the way she blew up on me)
Not a single mention of how important it was for her to be standing up with us on that day to celebrate or how much she loved us and wanted to participate in everything. She simply went on and on about all the reasons why it was wrong that I had not asked her.
She has never gotten along with any of my girlfriends (and makes it very known), and to be honest I would be so concerned throughout everything of how difficult she would be making things for my other bridesmaids...Complaining about finances, not getting a long with the girls, and more importantly venting to me about drama when that is just not the way I want it to be. Of course I stood my ground on the issue and just made it clear why I felt I could not ask her. Of course her response was, "great, have fun planning the wedding. see you next year."
At my wedding I want the most important people standing up there with me. The girls that I love the most, the ones who I know will be there forever. The ones who whole heartedly support me to the moon and back. I just want to make sure that I am not doing the wrong thing by not asking her because she will be my future sister in law..Am I supposed to ignore my gut and ask her to be in the wedding just because it is "the right" thing to do?