Wedding Party

Not sure if I can accept possible Bridesmaid duties--help?

 I am nervous my friend is going to ask me to be a bridesmaid. We were very close friends in college, and we live in the same city, but our work schedules are completely opposite and I don't think I'd be able to do all my duties as a bridesmaid. Also, I am in a financially tight spot these days and I am concerned about being able to pay for all that the bridesmaids pay for. That being said I would like to be in her wedding party if she wants me to be in it. Is there a way to tactfully express this? What should I do or say if the issue arises? 

Re: Not sure if I can accept possible Bridesmaid duties--help?

  • edited July 2012
    In Response to Not sure if I can accept possible Bridesmaid duties--help?:
      I am nervous my friend is going to ask me to be a bridesmaid. We were very close friends in college, and we live in the same city, but our work schedules are completely opposite and I don't think I'd be able to do all my duties as a bridesmaid. Also, I am in a financially tight spot these days and I am concerned about being able to pay for all that the bridesmaids pay for. That being said I would like to be in her wedding party if she wants me to be in it. Is there a way to tactfully express this? What should I do or say if the issue arises? 
    Posted by redstik
    Here is how it is supposed to work (and you might want to strongly suggest she join The Knot message boards so we can try to eradicate the effects of wedding industry brainwashing):

    The bride is supposed to ask each bridesmaid privately what her dress budget is.  The one with the lowest budget sets the ceiling on the dress price (including alterations).

    You find a shoe and some jewelry that you already have, do your hair and makeup, show up sober at the wedding, clutch some flowers, walk down the aisle and back up and smile for pictures.

    If she expects any more, again, strongly suggest she ask us and let us set her straight.  If she insists on matching shoes, jewelry, profession hair and/or makeup, she pays.  Any prewedding parties like b-parties or showers are a gift and not something she can demand and in no way are you required to participate.
    Proud to be an old married hag!! image
  • In Response to Not sure if I can accept possible Bridesmaid duties--help?:
      I am nervous my friend is going to ask me to be a bridesmaid. We were very close friends in college, and we live in the same city, but our work schedules are completely opposite and I don't think I'd be able to do all my duties as a bridesmaid. Also, I am in a financially tight spot these days and I am concerned about being able to pay for all that the bridesmaids pay for. That being said I would like to be in her wedding party if she wants me to be in it. Is there a way to tactfully express this? What should I do or say if the issue arises? 
    Posted by redstik
    If she does ask, you can be honest and let her know that you're on a really tight budget.  If she's a good friend, she'll work with you and won't make you pay for unnecessary things like shoes, jewelry, hair, makeup, etc.  If she does start piling on the expenses beyond the dress (which is the only thing you should have to pay for), you can remind her that you're on a tight budget and can't afford that.

    As far as duties, your only duties are to get the attire and show up for the ceremony.  Yes, most bridesmaids offer to do more, but you shouldn't feel bad if you're not able to, and again, if the bride is a good friend, she won't make you feel bad about that.
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

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    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
  • I would just ask her up front what she expects from you and tell her what you can contribute: " I'm so honored that you asked, and I'd really love to be your bridesmaid. But I have to be honest with you ... I'm on a really tight budget and schedule. I can probably afford something around x for a dress, but I won't be able to buy any matching shoes or get my hair and makeup professionally done if those are things you'll be expecting of me. And I can't offer you a ton of help, but I'll try to do what I can. Tell me what you will be expecting of your bridesmaids and I can give you an answer."
    image
  • Like others said your only job is to show up at her wedding and the pre-wedding stuff is not required. But if you think you actually want to do something for her, but can't afford to much, maybe just have a movie night with the other girls, you can even redbox it!
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