Wedding Party

BacheloretteZilla.... Need Advice!! Kind of Long...

I'm the MOH for my best friend and she is the MOH in my wedding which is 2 weeks after hers. Her original date was September, then beginning of May, then end of May and then finally 2 weeks before ours.  Due to her date being before mine, we sat down in February to try and figure out when to do bridal showers and bachelorette parties so that our friends, which are bridesmaids for both of us, don't get stretched too thin financially since they have to buy 2 dresses, help with 2 bridal showers, bachelorette parties, etc. 

As soon as she got engaged (6 months after me) we cancelled the original plans for my bachelorette party because she said it was too expensive and with her now getting married she didn't want to spend that kind of money. (We were going to Nashville for the weekend.) I was totally fine with that because as long as I was with my friends, I would have fun anywhere.

Fast forward to a few days ago.  The other bridesmaids and I had already planned her bachelorette party, invitations had been sent out (except to a few people she had just added) and the other girls and I were already getting ready for it.  The party was planned for June 19th, two weeks from yesterday.  We had planned dinner at my house with a Lingerie Party for her followed by a night out downtown listening to some live music.  On Wednesday, she texted all of us and said that wasn't what she wanted to do. She and her FI had talked it over and decided THEY wanted the bridal party to take them to a casino boat a few hours away, stay the night, gamble and go to the bars at the boat.  At first I was a little ticked off that she didn't like what we had planned for her and took into her own hands to tell us what we were doing for her.  However, I looked into the cost and about had a heart attack.  The rooms alone were $350 a night and we'd need atleast 2 of them.  This doesn't include gas to get up there, gambling money, drinking money, and money for dinner ... all of which is more expensive on a gambling boat. I relayed all the information to everyone so they could have a look at the numbers before everyone just agreed and most of us agreed that we just couldn't pay that kind of money for 1 night.. I'm getting married in a month, 2 other girls have newborn babies (which she said they could just leave them at home for the night) and another girl just lost her job. 

Her response to all of this was... "It's my wedding and my bachelorette party and I'm going to do what I want to do and I want to go to the casino boat whether you all are able to make it or not."

Our end solution, we told her we wouldn't be there, yes her own bridal party just couldn't make it, but we would still like to do the dinner and lingerie party the night before (Friday) as we had planned.  She told us she had stuff to do the next morning and would try to make it.  At this point, those of us not going are so upset with her that we really don't know what to do and on top of this I've got my own wedding to think about.

Did we handle this right? Or are we just bad friends for thinking about our own financial obligations first?

Really Sorry this is so long !!!

Re: BacheloretteZilla.... Need Advice!! Kind of Long...

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    Nope you handled it well. SHE handled it terribly and sounds like a B.

    She shouldn't have a hand in ANY of the planning minus the guest list. It was fine to plan something for her like you did and when she tried to force more it's absolutely okay to say you can't afford it. She'll regret not having you all there and maybe she'll realize that being all together is more important than fancy casino boats.
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    You did the right thing.  Your friend is being a selfish, entitled brat..  Good for y'all for standing up to her.
    The Bee Hive Est. June 30, 2007
    "So I sing a song of love, Julia"

    BFAR:We Defined Our Own Success!

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    You did everything right.  I'm sorry your friend is such a brideszilla.
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    Thank you all for the support.  We thought we had done the right thing for her but now she isn't talking to us and she is hosting a bridal shower and bachelorette party for me next Saturday. (Yes, all in the same day because that was all she could fit in her schedule). My other bridesmaids have re-assured me that it would still happen rather she felt like hosting it now that we've made her mad or not. 

    Now to come up with a MOH speech for her wedding with something nice to say. 
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    Yep, she's being a bridezilla. You basically did the best you could for her nasty and negative actions. The girl is lucky all her WP isn't dropping out because that is a total slap in the face in what she did to you ladies.

    Don't worry about your parties, like you said, your friends will definitely make sure it will happen with or without the nasty friend. Have a good time and don't be too surprised if your friend does come and turns into the Green jealous dragon, I can feel it with this girl being dramatic rehashing about her party. 
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    This is one of those times that the bride needs a good shaking.

    I'm not sure if she really "gets" that she's not supposed to dicate to others what she wants to do, nor is she really in the right to say, "What you planned I'm vetoing - not because it's against my beliefs or morals - but because I want something more expensive."

    At this point, I'd honestly say, "You know I love you but I need to let you know that I put a lot of effort into planning this and it really hurts me that what I've done isn't good enough for you now."

    You handled it well, but I'd lay some guilt on her as well to let her know that SHE is the one hurting your feelings.  You don't have to do it now - even after the wedding is OK.  But I'd make it known to any good friend when I felt that she was treating me like a bag of dog poopee.
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    A bachelorette party is a gift and she is a brat.  If she doesn't like what you planned then she gets nothing.  By the way, I'd be thrilled with the bachelorette party you planned if I were the bride!
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    If she's refusing what you offered because she wants what SHE wants, then your friend is 100% wrong. 

    And you don't owe any other explanation than "I'm sorry I won't be able to attend.  It's just not in my budget.  I hope you have a wonderful time."  Then repeat often~as often as she says anything, just keep on saying the same response.  Over and over and over and over and over.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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    That's awful, I'm sorry. I hope that you all have a great party on the Friday night, whether or not your "friend" deigns to make an appearance!
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    Wow! Your friend is very rude. It was very generous of you to still offer to host the lingerie party after what she said to you. I would have told her to have a great time and cancelled the party.

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    You are right.  She has gone off the deep end and is wrong.  Send her here and we'll set her straight :)
    Courtesy of megk8oz
    "I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.

    A word of warning from your friends at Remember that text is going to be how you make your first impression over the internet; if every third word you type is misspelled, people will automatically assume that you're a moron.
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    So is anyone actually GOING on her self-promoted bachelorette?
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