they want something that I can't quite afford

nanderson09

Hi everyone! I am lucky enough to have a mom who makes nice black pearl jewelry, and my BMs have requested that as their BM gift I give them a pair of my mom's signature earrings. At first I was excited that I could actually give them something unique and that they really wanted...until I came down to earth and realized that in order to pay my mom back even for what they cost her to make, they would be like $200 or more per pair (I have 4 BMs). So, I'm a little stuck. I will NOT let my mom pay anything for my BM gifts. I also don't want to tell them that I can't afford to give them what they really want...and they do deserve the best. So...what to do? Stress myself out financially to buy them all earrings? Suck it up and let mom pitch in? Get them something sub-par? Any advice would be helpful:)

bablingbrooke

$200 for black pearls?  As in the cost, not the retail value?   I'm really surprised.  

Could she make something similar using less expensive materials but in the same style?  Like using cultured pearls (which run incredibly cheap--you can buy them wholesale online, just google it) or with a different gemstone?

mbcdefg

I'd just be honest with them.

gottahavashorti

Ditto Brooke.  Look into cultured pearls, or maybe freshwater pearls.  $200 for just materials would be a lot.

bablingbrooke

@belle: If OP didn't know how much the materials cost, I seriously doubt the BMs did when they asked for the earrings.

Belle2Be

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_want-something-cant-quite-afford?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:4109c8e5-cf8c-4578-87fd-93d855f1f4fdPost:1b5341e5-f52c-4c7a-8d5d-bd08683af164">Re: they want something that I can't quite afford</a>:
[QUOTE]@belle: If OP didn't know how much the materials cost, I seriously doubt the BMs did when they asked for the earrings.
Posted by bablingbrooke[/QUOTE]

But the bridesmaids would know how much the earrings retail for right?

bablingbrooke

Not necessarily, if all they know is that OP's mom makes them and that they look nice.

Belle2Be

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_want-something-cant-quite-afford?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:4109c8e5-cf8c-4578-87fd-93d855f1f4fdPost:7c64af43-2243-40bc-b8f0-d190ba12b298">Re: they want something that I can't quite afford</a>:
[QUOTE]Not necessarily, if all they know is that OP's mom makes them and that they look nice.
Posted by bablingbrooke[/QUOTE]

I didn't really get that vibe from the OP.  Maybe she'll come back and fill us in :D

nanderson09

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_want-something-cant-quite-afford?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:4109c8e5-cf8c-4578-87fd-93d855f1f4fdPost:4ad489a9-f8bf-4bda-9feb-9bf91fcec49d">Re: they want something that I can't quite afford</a>:
[QUOTE]$200 for black pearls?  As in the cost, not the retail value?   I'm really surprised.   Could she make something similar using less expensive materials but in the same style?  Like using cultured pearls (which run incredibly cheap--you can buy them wholesale online, just google it) or with a different gemstone?
Posted by bablingbrooke[/QUOTE]

<div>It's actually the gold that bumps up the cost so much, b/c my mom is not a goldsmith, someone else needs to do that part, which is what makes them really expensive. the pearls themselves are less than half of the total price. </div>

nanderson09

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_want-something-cant-quite-afford?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:4109c8e5-cf8c-4578-87fd-93d855f1f4fdPost:51d7beb4-309b-4586-a34f-713bb96c2ad2">Re: they want something that I can't quite afford</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: they want something that I can't quite afford : I didn't really get that vibe from the OP.  Maybe she'll come back and fill us in :D
Posted by Belle2Be[/QUOTE]

<div>I'm back! Sorry for the confusion:)</div><div>
</div><div>Actually, they retail for probably about $400-$800, but it's a second job for my mom so she doesn't usually try to make a huge profit off of them. </div><div>
</div><div>As for whether or not my BMs knew the value of what they were asking for, I have told them the cost of some of my mom's cheaper stuff before (in the $40-$80 range), so I think they may have mistakenly inferred that the really nice earrings wouldn't be that much more expensive (I have a pair, love them so much that they are my day-to-day earrings, so I can see how they might think that.) They made it clear that their preference was for the nice earrings. I think what I might do is design them a pendant in the same style, so the there is less gold work and just pick out a really nice pearl for each of them. </div><div>
</div><div>I appreciate all of your advice and discussion on this topic! </div>

quotequeen

Your BMs shouldn't have been asking you for a particular gift in the first place.  Definitely do not feel pressured to spend hundreds of dollars on them.

mbcdefg

If you are O.K. with them choosing their own gifts (and of course if your mom is O.K. with creating these pieces), then bring them pictures of everything your mom offers in the $40-80 price range and tell them that they can each choose something amongst those choices.

emilyinchile

I'm confused as to why your friends are telling you what to get them as a gift. That's really rude.

If you can't afford it, that's that. I might want a pony, but I'm not going to get mad at my friend for not buying me one. Just get them something you CAN afford, and if there's something that your mom makes that's a more reasonable price that they might like, then go for that since at least you know they like black pearls.