WP Tuesday!

banana468

Hi Everyone!

Any WP updates?

Manwaithiel

I'm wondering why someone is getting upset in an earlier thread that I said your future family is not your family yet. I mean...is that wrong for me to say? Is that untrue?

You say they're a future family for a reason. Because they are not your family yet. Whether it's nephews, stepson, whatever, they either need a "future" in front of them or you need to quit calling them that until you've actually married the guy/girl who's in their family.

Am I being weird?

On a lighter note (ha!) I'm taking a practice LSAT right now and it's giving me a headache.

Banana, do you have any baby updates? Are you getting excited, nervous, etc.?

bablingbrooke

I called my DH's nephew my nephew before we were married.  My ILs referred to me as their DIL starting with the day I met them (2 months into dating--that's Old World families for you!) and throughout our engagement.  I don't see why it's a problem to do so.  I felt very welcomed (if overwhelmed) by my DH's relatives calling me family even before we were married.

What would the negative be?  I'm just curious.

banana468

Personally I'm not a big fan of saying that they're nephews until they're nephews...but as long as the person is OK with being called that, I don't see the harm in it either.

No real baby updates.  I had an appt about a week ago and  at the time I was 28 weeks and my uterus was measuring 28 cm.  I've had some feet swelling issues which has led me to buy practical shoes.  The good news is that the baby is pretty active now and I get to see belly movement!

I'm nervous about so much at this point though.  Our condo is on the market but we can't move until it sells.  We buried a St. Joseph statue yesterday and we've started saying a Novena as well.  Hopefully it all goes well and we'll be in the house we love before the baby is born!

Manwaithiel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_wp-tuesday-12?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:42e522ca-a8ae-47d1-a317-562e463c93d1Post:07e60fe5-bc48-4037-94e6-6ee849d85755">Re: WP Tuesday!</a>:
[QUOTE]I called my DH's nephew my nephew before we were married.  My ILs referred to me as their DIL starting with the day I met them (2 months into dating--that's Old World families for you!) and throughout our engagement.  I don't see why it's a problem to do so.  I felt very welcomed (if overwhelmed) by my DH's relatives calling me family even before we were married. What would the negative be?  I'm just curious.
Posted by bablingbrooke[/QUOTE]

I don't mind it if it's just how you refer to each other. Personally, though, I just don't want kids calling me things that I'm not yet. Maybe because I'm young.

But, in this particular thread, the mom was talking about how she cut her stepson's hair because she didn't like how his mom had him wear it long, etc. And I guess I felt she was using the title of stepmom that she didn't really have yet as some kind of justification for what he did. So my only real issue with the whole thing is that if you're using it to exercise choices that are not yours, then I'm annoyed by it.

Also, with kids involved, if something horrible were to happen and FI and I did not end up married, I think it would be a really confusing thing for a kid to have deal with wondering where "Aunt Kate" went all of the sudden.

I don't think it's necessarily wrong as long as you know your boundaries, you know?

bablingbrooke

I've been Auntie Brooke since he was born (same visit to meet the ILs--2 months into our relationship) so Nephew hasn't ever known me as anything else.  Also he just turned 3 so it's not like he knew better

ETA: BIL is the one who started calling me that...at 2 months...again, old world family.  To see our relationship history, just rent My Big Fat Greek Wedding.  Word for freaking word.

Manwaithiel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_wp-tuesday-12?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:42e522ca-a8ae-47d1-a317-562e463c93d1Post:61fc46ac-0d9b-4ec3-a4cf-aef6a0a3779f">Re: WP Tuesday!</a>:
[QUOTE]Personally I'm not a big fan of saying that they're nephews until they're nephews...but as long as the person is OK with being called that, I don't see the harm in it either. No real baby updates.  I had an appt about a week ago and  at the time I was 28 weeks and my uterus was measuring 28 cm.  I've had some feet swelling issues which has led me to buy practical shoes.  The good news is that the baby is pretty active now and I get to see belly movement! I'm nervous about so much at this point though.  Our condo is on the market but we can't move until it sells.  We buried a St. Joseph statue yesterday and we've started <strong>saying a Novena</strong> as well.  Hopefully it all goes well and we'll be in the house we love before the baby is born!
Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]

What is that? Curious...

Manwaithiel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_wp-tuesday-12?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:42e522ca-a8ae-47d1-a317-562e463c93d1Post:e382cbf3-e301-4514-92ff-e86a34e99be1">Re: WP Tuesday!</a>:
[QUOTE]I've been Auntie Brooke since he was born (same visit to meet the ILs--2 months into our relationship) so Nephew hasn't ever known me as anything else.  Also he just turned 3 so it's not like he knew better ;)
Posted by bablingbrooke[/QUOTE]

See, I almost think the saying "Auntie so and so" is fairly harmless cause it's used for family friends as well. But someone called me immature and pathetic for saying that this kid was NOT this girl's stepson yet and she had no right cutting his hair or anything else just because she felt his MOM was wrong in how the kid had his hair. None. Anyway, I snapped back at her with the fact that her nephews (as that was the example she used to explain how awful I was) were her future nephews. Not that that's nearly as big of a deal and she clearly missed the entire point of the whole boundary/authority thing I was talking about. But whatever.

Edit: I just watched My Big Fat Greek Wedding for the 50th time last night. Totally understand your situation now =)

banana468

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_wp-tuesday-12?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:42e522ca-a8ae-47d1-a317-562e463c93d1Post:f30dbcfd-c0ae-44a7-a827-d9088bb55634">Re: WP Tuesday!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: WP Tuesday! : What is that? Curious...
Posted by Manwaithiel[/QUOTE]

It's a prayer or set of prayers that are said for nine days.  This particular one has a new prayer to say every day.

bablingbrooke

I agree with you, I think dictating the kid's hairstyle is crossing the line.

stina93446

I've been taking pictures non stop of Trixie!

Oh and DH came home tonight with dried liver treats which she is going NUTS over and she was playing fetch, sitting, and even went for a walk. She didn't do any of that for me.....guess he's the dog whisperer in our house.

trix1223

I thought it was presumptuous of the future stepmom to cut the little guy's hair as well.  I get that his dad was also apparently in on the decision to cut the hair, but clearly mom likes it long. 

I just don't see any way that the future stepmom comes out looking anything but bad in that scenario.

Manwaithiel

That's exciting! You realize your first act as a mom is to get log on to the Knot and tell us all the news, right? (kidding)

frogurt814

My nephew was born last September.  H and I were engaged at that point, and I called him my nephew from day one.  However, H also has a 6 or 7 year old nephew, and it has been harder for me to refer to him as my nephew (partly because we don't see him that often since H isn't as close with his brother as he is with his sister.)  Anyway, other than that, I referred to everyone as "future" until H and I were married.  Not because I thought that was right, but because it just seemed natural.

Banana, good luck with your condo, and I'm glad to hear baby Banana is doing well!

Stina, your puppy is just adorable!  I'm so glad that she is adjusting quite well!!

kathrynhabibti

[QUOTE]In Response to Re: WP Tuesday! : See, I almost think the saying "Auntie so and so" is fairly harmless cause it's used for family friends as well. But someone called me immature and pathetic for saying that this kid was NOT this girl's stepson yet and she had no right cutting his hair or anything else just because she felt his MOM was wrong in how the kid had his hair. None. Anyway, I snapped back at her with the fact that her nephews (as that was the example she used to explain how awful I was) were her future nephews. Not that that's nearly as big of a deal and she clearly missed the entire point of the whole boundary/authority thing I was talking about. But whatever. Edit: I just watched My Big Fat Greek Wedding for the 50th time last night. Totally understand your situation now =)
Posted by Manwaithiel[/QUOTE]
OH, okay. Yes that's crossing a line. I'm fine with dropping the "future" bit in speaking and such but when it comes to things like this, decision making etc then that boundary still needs to be respected.

Banana, saying a prayer for you. Hope everything works out well. That must be so exciting to see baby Banana moving :^)

kathrynhabibti

stina, Trixie is so cute!!

banana468

Thanks for the well wishes!

And of course one of the first things I'll do as MOD is update the board.  :-)

emilyinchile

I know it is now technically WP Wednesday, but I wanted to chime in on the future family thing.

In Chile, even when you're dating, you call people your in-laws (like Brooke's situation), so my ILs have been my "suegros" for years. Maybe that's why it doesn't seem weird to me? I would think it were silly if you were just beginning a relationship or weren't super serious, but I really don't see the big difference between engaged and married in terms of something like family status...it's not like just because you got married suddenly your new H's parents or whoever are going to care about you more. Although as I type that, maybe in some families that IS true (not necessarily care about you more, just take the relationship more seriously because now you're married and not "just" engaged), so I guess it all just depends on what kind of background you come from.

Manwaithiel

Emily, I think what you're talking about is fine too. Especially since that's just the culture there. But you're not jumping down someone's throat for not feeling the same way about their own future family. And you're also not making decisions as someone's parent when you're really not. That was the main issue I had.