I have an ethical dilemma that I thought I had decided long ago, but now I keep going back and forth.
I asked my two sisters (who both live 2,000 miles away) to be the two people in my bridal party when I got engaged a year ago. I knew neither of them could participate or host any sort of activities and I was fine with that; I just wanted them to be standing next to me and taking part in everything on my big day. I asked my older sister to be the MOH and she happily accepted. Well, long story short, old beef was stirred up and we had a falling out... she stepped down as Maid of Honor in September 2011, but decided to be a Bridesmaid. I figured I would just have 2 bridesmaids, no Maid of Honor and move on (as I thought she was being ridiculous as only the title changed... no duties changed, what-so-ever, because of the distance anyway).
Well, an old childhood friend of mind and I reconnected and although we're 2,000 miles apart she has been such an uplifting, supportive breath of fresh air. She is also so sincere and I love 'er to death. Soon after my MOH dropped out I added this girl to my bridal party and she's been totally cooperative and got her dress, plane tickets, and hotel reservations before ANY of my family.
Ethical issue: We're almost 2 months away from my wedding and I've been debating asking my friend to be the Maid of Honor. I feel like she'd be more honored than offended, but you can never be too sure and I don't want to offend. I would notify her of the tradition to make a speech at the reception (as Idahoans don't always know the New England (NY) way), but definitely wouldn't pressure it and understand that no other duties could be performed; I'm okay with that. I just feel she deserves a more suitable title and am happy to give that to her. She's also coming out a few days earlier than my family so I wanted to treat her to a spa day anyway. Definitely deserving to stand out above the two other girls who just didn't really want to be involved much and complained about everything... my own sisters!
My ideas was to buy the Lil Angels Maid of Honor Journal, fill it out for her, and send it asking her if she'd be my Maid of Honor. http://www.lilangelgifts.com/maid-of-honor.html