Help! my mother stopped paying for the wedding...

chanelnjustin

since we my fiance and I may have to elope now (which we're not oppose to doing) what is a nice way to let people know that we've eloped and the wedding is off?

Thank you!

GoodLuckBear14

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_help-my-mother-stopped-paying-for-the-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:47112b6f-6d1a-4559-b078-b703eb1699caPost:6bb7ffcb-7236-4864-9e89-918f1cb7a09a">Help! my mother stopped paying for the wedding...</a>:
[QUOTE]I didn't know what catagory to post this to ask for help but I'm in a real pickle! My fiance and I are suppose to be getting married in less than 3 months, September 29th. But yesterday my mother who offered to pay for the whole wedding is now threatening to not pay for any more of the wedding (it has nothing to do with budget $2500 under). Although my fiance and I are okay with having a small ceremony and eloping, everyone got their invitations to the wedding yesterday and I feel bad canceling but we are in no way capable of paying for the wedding ourselves... what do we do?!!! If we do decide to elope what is a nice way of telling people that the wedding day has been canceled?
Posted by chanelnjustin[/QUOTE]

Sorry but we need to know why she is threatening to not pay for this before we can offer any advice.

To any other people out there getting financial help from the parents to pay for the wedding, this is exactly why we tell you over and over not to plan on having that money to spend until it is in your bank account or until the parent's signature is on the vendor contracts

Maggie0829

Why is she threatening not to pay?  We can't give you any advice or help you until we know the answer to that question.

chanelnjustin

she's threatening not to pay because she's crazy and she's bi-polar - obviously that is why I didn't want to post the reason why she's threatening to not pay.

The question was what should we do about letting our guests know the wedding has been canceled if we decide to elope?

runpipparun

Um, as someone with bipolar II, I take offense at the label of "crazy." If your mother is cycling up (hypomania) or down (depression), please realize that is a bigger issue than your wedding and you need to be cognizant of the dangers of that disorder. It is not about you, it is about a chemical imbalance in her brain. To act so unfeeling is... unfortunate.

I would do as others on the E-board have posted, graciously cancel, and elope. Unless your mom is in treatment and taking medication reliably (not just when she feels good) --- if she is truly BP (and this not just a cruel label you've thrust upon her) --- she will be difficult to deal with and depend upon. Your best bet is to be supportive, and to rely solely upon yourself and your FI.

GoodLuckBear14

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_help-my-mother-stopped-paying-for-the-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:47112b6f-6d1a-4559-b078-b703eb1699caPost:b4c6bde8-fd15-4d23-8c7f-f03f3fa818a0">Re: Help! my mother stopped paying for the wedding...</a>:
[QUOTE]she's threatening not to pay because she's crazy and she's bi-polar - obviously that is why I didn't want to post the reason why she's threatening to not pay. The question was what should we do about letting our guests know the wedding has been canceled if we decide to elope?
Posted by chanelnjustin[/QUOTE]

We asked for more information because in the heat of a moment, we can usually see a way to reconcile or compromise that isn't apparent to the poster.  I'm sorry you felt we were being intrusive.  Is there someone you can turn to to try to get her back on her meds (I'm assuming she went off of them).

Otherwise, the E ladies gave you some good suggestions.

ETA: Take Pippa's advice regarding the medical condition.  Clearly she knows about this.

chanelnjustin

I am not here to talk about mental illness, etc I was simply asking what the best way is to tell people the wedding is off if we choose to elope. Obviously, I didn't mean "crazy" as in a mental illness I meant it as in crazy (not showing good sense or practicality) since mental illness does run in my family I am not one to be incenitive to this topic.

So with all do respect if you have an opinion on a nice way to let people know that we've decided to elope and the wedding is canceled I would appreciate it!

Thank you!

Maggie0829

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_help-my-mother-stopped-paying-for-the-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:47112b6f-6d1a-4559-b078-b703eb1699caPost:6e691d3a-0161-4f45-9c73-ea5b91f78f52">Re: Help! my mother stopped paying for the wedding...</a>:
[QUOTE]I am not here to talk about mental illness, etc I was simply asking what the best way is to tell people the wedding is off if we choose to elope. Obviously, I didn't mean "crazy" as in a mental illness I meant it as in crazy (not showing good sense or practicality) since mental illness does run in my family I am not one to be incenitive to this topic. So with all do respect if you have an opinion on <strong>a nice way to let people know that we've decided to elope and the wedding is canceled</strong> I would appreciate it! Thank you!
Posted by chanelnjustin[/QUOTE]

Your question has been answered 100 times over on the E board.  So I am not sure what else you are looking for.

runpipparun

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_help-my-mother-stopped-paying-for-the-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:47112b6f-6d1a-4559-b078-b703eb1699caPost:6e691d3a-0161-4f45-9c73-ea5b91f78f52">Re: Help! my mother stopped paying for the wedding...</a>:
[QUOTE]I am not here to talk about mental illness, etc I was simply asking what the best way is to tell people the wedding is off if we choose to elope. <strong>Obviously, I didn't mean "crazy" as in a mental illness I meant it as in crazy (not showing good sense or practicality) since mental illness does run in my family I am not one to be incenitive to this topic.</strong> So with all do respect if you have an opinion on a nice way to let people know that we've decided to elope and the wedding is canceled I would appreciate it! Thank you!
Posted by chanelnjustin[/QUOTE]

<div>Oh, obviously...</div>

chanelnjustin

If you have nothing nice to say than don't say anything at all.

LittleMissCutiePie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_help-my-mother-stopped-paying-for-the-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:47112b6f-6d1a-4559-b078-b703eb1699caPost:bce860d1-54bd-48ac-bea4-e927a5770454">Re: Help! my mother stopped paying for the wedding...</a>:
[QUOTE]If you have nothing nice to say than don't say anything at all.
Posted by chanelnjustin[/QUOTE]

Calling someone with a mental illness, whether you know them or not, crazy isn't nice either, so maybe you should follow your own advice. Just a thought.

lpowers1118

LMC, I was just thinking the same thing. 

expats14

Ditto LMC. my thoughts exactly.