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maiteoyar

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heyimbren

I'm always tempted to wear the shoes my friend had me buy for her wedding in May 2011. They're cute and I love them.

But she expects us to refrain from wearing the dress and shoes until the wedding day. So I'm waiting until then.

Honestly, I haven't been on these boards long enough to know what the etiquette is on a situation like this.

On the brightside, you should be flattered that she loves the dress enough to want to wear it. And it really is just a dress, and like you said there won't be an overlap with guests. I doubt people will be like "Hey, isn't that BM dress the one Sally wore to that other wedding?"

If you expect her to wear it after the wedding, will it really make a difference if she wears it before the wedding? I don't think it's going to get ruined after wearing it once.

But like I said, I've never seen this come up before while I've been posting on here. Some of the regs may have better advice than I do.

jagore08

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-wants-wear-dress-before-wedding-another-event?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:47ae00fa-ab93-41a5-b7d3-962e6c1a82d7Post:e96d8f6e-66b9-442c-9d5f-36e988d83924">My bridesmaid wants to wear he dress BEFORE the wedding to another event</a>:
[QUOTE]I know the ugly bridesmaid dress seems to be a trademark at weddings, but I want my bridesmaids to look great!  I chose a really cute dress that my bridesmaids will be able to use for many occassions.  I'm so glad they all love the dress! However, the downfall is that one of my bridesmaids has a wedding in one month and mentioned she kind of want's to wear her bridesmaid dress for the wedding.  I really don't like the idea of that.  Am I being to anal/controlling?  I mean she did pay for it, but I don't understand why she can't just wait to wear it.  I mean if she didn't have the dress what would she wear to the wedding?  She is going to a family wedding, so the only people that will see her in it at my wedding will be her immediate family, but I'm sure pictures will be posted on facebook as well.  I just worry about something happening to it and I want my day to be special... meaning I want her to save her special dress that I picked out for my day.  I don't care if she wears it every day after the wedding, but I don't feel comfortable with them wearing it before.  Advice?
Posted by maiteoyar[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>If something happens to it she'll have to fix it.  I can't think of anything really going wrong besides something being spilled on it and a good dry cleaners can get most anything out if it's done right away.  If she wants to wear her dress then that's her decision.  Like you said, she paid for it.</div><div>
</div><div>As for the pictures, it's not a big deal.  I could see if it were pictures of your wedding dress but no one's going to take that much notice of what she's wearing.  
</div>

stina93446

I'd let her wear it. That way, she can figure out what type of bra she can wear, if it'll move during dancing, and dude, who cares if she wore it once?!

trix1223

My only concern would be a spill or a tear.  But then it's her problem to be sure it's fixed before your wedding.  I wouldn't really see it as a big deal that she's wearing it before your wedding.

The wedding police won't barge in and invalidate your wedding because a BM isn't wearing a (techinically) brand spanking new dress.

Consider it a compliment that you did what you were hoping to do:  chose a BM dress that actually IS usable. 

banana468

If she owns it then there's not much that you can do.  If it's stained then it's no her to replace it.

Mrs.B6302007

As long as she's willing to repair/replace it should something happen to it, I don't see a problem.

megk8oz

 I really don't see the problem with her wearing it. If something happens like a spill or a tear, that's on her to fix (And not for you to worry about).

As far as keeping it a surprise goes, that's a little silly to me. According to your profile, your wedding isn't until August of next year. Even if there are pics on FB, I really can't imagine anybody's really going to remember what she wore, as the pics will be almost a year old by the time your wedding rolls around. Plus, while I can't speak for everybody, I know whenever somebody posts wedding pics FB, most people I know (Including myself) usually tend to only pay attention to what the bride and maybe the BMs are wearing ... so if she's not in the other wedding's BP, I really doubt anybody's going to give her attire more than a second's thought, even when the photos are "new".

Yes, it was initially purchased for your wedding, but the dress is her property at this point, so I think she should be able to wear it if she wants to. She's aware it needs to be in pristine condition for your wedding, so just trust that she's capable of making that happen.

sister2groom

Even if there are pictures, it's not like anyone will know until your wedding, and even then, only if they recall random FB photos.

I don't buy dresses for $100-200 much and I certainly don't get them tailored to fit me so I would get as much possible wear out of a bridesmaid dress. Maybe she doesn't want to wear it again at an event with a lot of the same people. Or maybe that wedding is the one other formal event for her that season, so she wants a chance to wear it that year. Futhermore, she did pay for it, so I think it's reasonable for her to want to wear it and it would be very sweet of you not to make a big deal out of it.

And if FB is that big a deal to you, what if you asked her to detag herself from photos for a month? How many photos could she possibly be in, maybe 50? It wouldn't take that long to do it if she checks FB regularly.

jenn.daniel

My roomie on college wore the dress she bought to be her sister's MOH before her sister's wedding.  It was fine.

bablingbrooke

This is not remotely any of your business or anything you can control.  People will not remember the dress from the prior event.  And if they do, so what?  No one is going to be tossing and turning with excitement over what the BM dresses will look like.  No one really cares but you.  Stop yourself before you drive any further toward Crazyville.

stephdonjon

She bought it, so she technically has the right to wear it whenever she wants. Personally, I would never wear a bridesmaid dress I had bought for someone's wedding wedding to another prior event, but that's because I'd be bound to spill something on it and have to get it cleaned before the wedding. And if your BM does spill on the dress, she'll just have to get it cleaned. As for the pictures, I wouldn't worry about it. She's just a guest, so a. how many pictures is she going to show up in compared to the WP and the couple, and b. no one is going to take much notice of what she's wearing. They might say, "Oh, cute dress." And if they do, then great, she'll feel even more comfortable wearing it at your wedding. 

aerinpegadrak

You could show your guests flashcards of every single detail of your wedding two days beforehand, and 99% of them wouldn't remember anything by the time of the party.  Because as long as the food is good, the music is good, and the booze is plentiful and free, your guests really don't care about anything else.

She paid for the dress, it's hers.  What she does with it before the wedding isn't remotely your concern.

jagore08

Please don't delete your posts.  You were already quoted so your words are there to stay but besides that, other brides may have the same issue as you and by deleting you're taking away answers to their same concerns.  

Mrs.B6302007

Nothing to add to the conversation?  Not even a "Thanks for the advice even though I clearly don't agree with it since I deleted my original post?"

kmar022

All of my BM wore black dresses (different styles) for our wedding.  One BM also was wearing a black dress for her sister's wedidng four months before ours.  I just said that it was silly for her to buy a whole new dress for our wedding.  I think it looked great and it never occured to me that people would even notice or care for that matter that she wore the same dress in both our weddings.