A Roster Change Among Bridesmaids

BostonLauren83

thanks for the input.

frogurt814

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_roster-change-among-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:49c696b1-6a0b-4860-90e7-af71717edba7Post:da4a1da8-59c8-4acd-adaa-455e2afcb86d">A Roster Change Among Bridesmaids</a>:
[QUOTE]I really do love (most of) my bridesmaids, but gosh are they drama... Recently, my fiance's best female friends of 15 years, who was married to the best man, and was a reluctant choice for a bridesmaid, has decided to divorce her husband, and her behavior since has been erratic at best (drug, alcohol issues). She gave me an out and told me that she would understand if I didn't want her involved anymore, and based on her behavior, I have decided that would be the best choice and told her as such. Now here is the tricky part, I have a fairly new friend (2-3 years) who I felt as if in the beginning, I wanted to include her, but wasn't 100% on the bridesmaid thing. She invited me to be one of her bridesmaids around 6 months ago, and now that there has been an "opening" (so to say) in our wedding party, I really want to include her. <strong>Anyone got any tips for how to ask her so that she won't feel like she is a replacement?</strong> I wanted to ask her in the beginning, but decided it would be more fair for me to include the FI's best female friend. How do I not make her feel special?
Posted by BostonLauren83[/QUOTE]
She would be a replacement.  There's no way around it.  There's no "polite" or "correct" way to ask her to be a replacement.

You kicked out a BM, and now you will have uneven sides.  That's just how it is going to be.  Do not replace her.  You made the mistake in the first place of letting FI pick a BM for you. 

aerinpegadrak

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_roster-change-among-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:49c696b1-6a0b-4860-90e7-af71717edba7Post:da4a1da8-59c8-4acd-adaa-455e2afcb86d">A Roster Change Among Bridesmaids</a>:
[QUOTE]I really do love (most of) my bridesmaids, but gosh are they drama... Recently, my fiance's best female friends of 15 years, who was married to the best man, and was a reluctant choice for a bridesmaid, has decided to divorce her husband, and her behavior since has been erratic at best (drug, alcohol issues). She gave me an out and told me that she would understand if I didn't want her involved anymore, and based on her behavior, I have decided that would be the best choice and told her as such. Now here is the tricky part, I have a fairly new friend (2-3 years) who I felt as if in the beginning, I wanted to include her, but wasn't 100% on the bridesmaid thing. She invited me to be one of her bridesmaids around 6 months ago, and now that there has been an "opening" (so to say) in our wedding party, I really want to include her. Anyone got any tips for how to ask her so that she won't feel like she is a replacement? I wanted to ask her in the beginning, but decided it would be more fair for me to include the FI's best female friend. How do I not make her feel special?
Posted by BostonLauren83[/QUOTE]
Did your FI have anything to do with his friend exiting the wedding?  Had I shown one of my husband's friends the door without consulting him first, I think he probably would have called off the wedding and no one would have blamed him.

Your wedding is in three months.  She IS a replacement, and she's going to know it, there's no way around it.  If you really wanted her in the wedding, you would have asked her when you asked everyone else.  You already made the mistake once of thinking that having a certain number of people was more important than her feelings, I'd recommend not doing it again.

bablingbrooke

I bet your FI was thrilled that you booted his best friend from the wedding because she had the nerve to go through a personal crisis during your engagement.  If I were your FI we would be having words, because what you did possibly ruined his friendship with her.

I would recommend that you get off your high horse, accept that your wedding is not the most important thing in anyone else's life, and not replace the BM you fired.  You're walking the bridezilla line (and arguably crossed it when you booted the girl) and you need to stop before you go any further.

duckie1905

People are not props!  You arguably shouldn't have kicked the first girl out.  Now, there is no way to slide in a replacement without making her feel like a replacement because she is, in fact, a REPLACEMENT.

See how that works?

duckie1905

Oh, and I'm sorry that you didn't get the responses you wanted but deleting your post just makes you look like a baby.

trix1223

Just as they do in theater performances, have someone announce via the sound system:

"Ladies and gentlemen:  performing the role of bridesmaid in tonight's production will be understudy,  Bride's FairlynewFriend".

I'm sure your friend will feel terribly honored by that.

aerinpegadrak

"Now batting cleanup..."

Manwaithiel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_roster-change-among-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:49c696b1-6a0b-4860-90e7-af71717edba7Post:6494228d-82ee-460f-80b0-4f8f56e3c893">Re: A Roster Change Among Bridesmaids</a>:
[QUOTE]"Now batting cleanup..."
Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]

=)

kathrynhabibti

[QUOTE]I had to lol at your thread title. Like it's a little league team or something...
Posted by Manwaithiel[/QUOTE]
::chuckle::