Extra people

Kristihotgurl33

So im getting married in August and am having 5 bridesmaids but also have two other girls i would like to kind of be apart of my wedding but not exactly be bridesmaids my bm are mostly family.  my fiancee had a hard enough time finding 5 gm. What would i have the girls do so they can somehow be apart of my special day

banana468

Well, remember that sides don't need to be even.  So it's fine to have 5 GM and 7 BM.

However if you don't want these people to be BMs you could ask them to do a reading.  Beyond that, there really isn't much (unless they'd want to sing) that you can ask someone to do.

But remember that it is an honor to be a guest.

bablingbrooke

Apart = separate.  A part = included.

You're just as married with uneven sides as you are with even ones; we had more BMs than GM and don't regret it for an instant (and yes, my DH is very weird about symmetry and my MIL actually has OCD about numbers and even they were fine with it).  You won't regret uneven sides, but you will probably regret excluding two people because the "numbers didn't work."  It's the sort of thing that doesn't matter one day after the wedding, so why make an issue out of it?  

Ask them if you want them in the WP.  If you don't want them in the WP aside from numbers, ask them to be a guest.  Giving someone a job so they feel included expires around 6 years old and is inappropriate for adults.

Kristihotgurl33

Well i was thinking like could they be my personal assistants... they would help with everything me and my bridesmaids need on the day.

bablingbrooke

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_extra-people?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:4c4c21f7-3f9a-4ff0-97a7-455588b3241bPost:e68d1e79-1475-4640-8aef-f882a0642991">Re: Extra people</a>:
[QUOTE]Well i was thinking like could they be my personal assistants... they would help with everything me and my bridesmaids need on the day.
Posted by Kristihotgurl33[/QUOTE]
This is what we call "sh!t work."  Something that you should pay someone to do, not ask of them as a favor.  It's inappropriate to ask them to do it under any other circumstance, and it's inappropriate to ask them to do it here.  Please don't ask them to be PAs.  <div>
</div><div>Think about it: Would you feel "honored" if a friend asked you to run errands, pick up things, and sit around watching them get ready under the guise of an "honor"?  I know I wouldn't.</div><div>
</div><div>ETA: No one needs one PA, let alone two.  Don't get caught up in, "I'm the bride and I need support!" craziness.  A wedding is a happy occasion--you don't need support during happy occasions. </div>

saisongbird

Personal assistant is NOT an honor, it's a paid position.  You pay someone to do all your grunt work for you.  Why would you want to be told, "You're not good enough to be a bridesmaid, but you ARE good enough to carry my bag and help me pee and carry my train all day!"  Personally, I'd say thanks but no thanks.  I'd rather attend the event as a guest and ENJOY my time there, rather than be forced to do all the grunt work and not even get to be called a bridesmaid.

You can ask them to be a reader, if you are Catholic you can ask them to bring up the gifts.  Otherwise, just let them attend as guests.

banana468

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_extra-people?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:4c4c21f7-3f9a-4ff0-97a7-455588b3241bPost:e68d1e79-1475-4640-8aef-f882a0642991">Re: Extra people</a>:
[QUOTE]Well i was thinking like could they be my personal assistants... they would help with everything me and my bridesmaids need on the day.
Posted by Kristihotgurl33[/QUOTE]

PPs are right about this.

Think about it this way.  How would you feel if someone said, "I know the WP is so full so how would you feel about being with me and the wedding party from start to finish?  You'd get to help us all in the wedding but you wouldn't be in the wedding.  And you'd be running around unpaid doing all the grunt stuff for me and the rest of the BMs all day.  Isn't that the best?"

Sorry, but if you want a personal assistant for the day then you need to hire a DOC.   That's not an honor to your close friends. 

aerinpegadrak

"Well, all of the WP spots were full, so instead you're going to do all my grunt work and not get to enjoy the party!  Don't you feel so special?"

If you want them in the WP, ask them.  If your numbers are more important, have them as guests.  None of this sort of, halfway, in name only, free labor disguised as honor nonsense.  In or out, pick a side.

Kristihotgurl33

Thanks see glad i asked i didnt even really think about all that..

bablingbrooke

Yay!  Glad you found the advice helpful.  Lots of times people try to argue that it's a huge honor and we must not have very good friends or be bitter about our own weddings to suggest that it isn't.

Now that this is (thankfully) off the table, decide whether to include them in the WP *without* regard to symmetry.  You certainly don't have to include them if you don't want to, but make sure you're doing it for the right reasons, not superficial ones like even sides.  

ETA: Also, don't overestimate how much other people want to be in your wedding.  People can be very excited for you and wouldn't miss it for the world, yet would also prefer to wear whatever they want and just be able to enjoy the party as guests.  

banana468

I'm SO glad you listened OP!

And PPs are right.  There's no need for symmetry in the WP.  As long as there's only one bride and one groom, you don't need the other sides to match.