Too many Bridesmaids...

Hannahandbrandononeal

I told 8 girls when I 1st got engaged that I wanted them to be my bridesmaids... However my finace only has 4 close guys that he wants to be his groomsmen. He is ok if my cousin if I ask my cousin (whome is more like a brother) to be one of his groomsmen so now he has 5. I am too picky to have the wedding party uneven, so how do I tell 3 of the girls that they won't be standing with me. I would really like for them to be involved somehow. What are some other things I can ask them to help with? 

saxy414

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_many-bridesmaids-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:506790d9-5ae8-4c35-af67-e507ac8f0575Post:590298ed-937a-4af3-8de0-fbc3aa59dc80">Too many Bridesmaids...</a>:
[QUOTE]I told 8 girls when I 1st got engaged that I wanted them to be my bridesmaids... However my finace only has 4 close guys that he wants to be his groomsmen. He is ok if my cousin if I ask my cousin (whome is more like a brother) to be one of his groomsmen so now he has 5. I am too picky to have the wedding party uneven, so how do I tell 3 of the girls that they won't be standing with me. I would really like for them to be involved somehow. What are some other things I can ask them to help with? 
Posted by Hannahandbrandononeal[/QUOTE]

You don't tell 3 girls that they won't be standing with you unless you don't want to be friends with them anymore.  If you told 8 girls you wanted them to be bridesmaids, you will have 8 bridesmaids, no matter how many your FI has.  Generally speaking, demoting or firing a BM for any reason is a friendship ending move.  Uneven sides are OK, and there are a ton of girls on here who have had uneven sides, and it's worked out just fine--they can even help with the logistics of getting them in and out of the ceremony if you have questions.

Also, please let your FI be in charge of his groomsmen.  The people who stand with you should be your closest friends and family, so he should choose those that he wants to stand up with him. 

frogurt814

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_many-bridesmaids-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:506790d9-5ae8-4c35-af67-e507ac8f0575Post:590298ed-937a-4af3-8de0-fbc3aa59dc80">Too many Bridesmaids...</a>:
[QUOTE]I told 8 girls when I 1st got engaged that I wanted them to be my bridesmaids... However my finace only has 4 close guys that he wants to be his groomsmen. He is ok if my cousin if I ask my cousin (whome is more like a brother) to be one of his groomsmen so now he has 5. I am too picky to have the wedding party uneven, so how do I tell 3 of the girls that they won't be standing with me. I would really like for them to be involved somehow. What are some other things I can ask them to help with? 
Posted by Hannahandbrandononeal[/QUOTE]
Sigh.

If you've already asked them to be BMs then they are BMs.  If you want to end your friendship with those girls, then go ahead and kick them out.

How would you feel if someone asked you to be a BM and then said "oh, by the way, you're not a BM anymore.  Oh, Jessica is still a BM, because I like her more than you.  Will you be our guest book attendant?"

mbcdefg

There's no nice way that you can kick them out just to keep the numbers even. Because it's shallow and bratty and a horrible way to treat a friend.

If you want to look like a total biitch, then by all means tell them that you want them out because you don't have enough guys to pair them up with. Good luck with getting them to participate in your wedding with another job, though, because they will probably tell you to shove that job right up your rear end.

(Assuming this isn't MUD because of the first post.)

aerinpegadrak

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_many-bridesmaids-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:506790d9-5ae8-4c35-af67-e507ac8f0575Post:590298ed-937a-4af3-8de0-fbc3aa59dc80">Too many Bridesmaids...</a>:
[QUOTE]I told 8 girls when I 1st got engaged that I wanted them to be my bridesmaids... However my finace only has 4 close guys that he wants to be his groomsmen. He is ok if my cousin if I ask my cousin (whome is more like a brother) to be one of his groomsmen so now he has 5. I am too picky to have the wedding party uneven, so how do I tell 3 of the girls that they won't be standing with me. I would really like for them to be involved somehow. What are some other things I can ask them to help with? 
Posted by Hannahandbrandononeal[/QUOTE]
Just sit them down and say "Sorry, but symmetrical pictures are more important than your friendship."  Because there has never in the history of the world been another way for that conversation to go down.

suz62984

You tell them that you no longer wish to be friends with them. If you end the friendship the wedding stuff will be understood. You may not want to end the friendship but it will if you ask them to step down. You are basically saying "You aren't as good as the other 5 to be in my wedding. see yah." 

There is no good way to do this. Uneven parties are very common and it still looks great. If you kick girls out of the WP you will end up looking like the bad guy to everyone. It comes off very bridezilla and snotty.

EDIT: Please oh please understand that you get no say in who your FI chooses just like he has no say in who you choose to stand with you.

emilyinchile

You have two choices.

Option A
"Hi guys! I'm just calling to say that I actually don't want you to be bridesmaids after all. See, FI only has 5 friends, and it's more important to have even sides than it is to have all my friends up there with me. And well, it turns out that you are not in my top 5 closest friends - you guys are ranked 6th, 7th and 8th. So you understand, right? I mean, if it would make you feel better, you can still do some wedding-related jobs for me. That way I don't feel as bad about having kicked you out because you'll still be helping at least. Can't wait to see you at the wedding!"

Option B
"Honey, I know you're going to have 5 guys, but I'm going to have 8 girls. I just can't imagine not having all of my closest friends by my side on my wedding day, plus I already mentioned it to them, and it would be pretty shady of me to go back on my word. No one expects us to have the exact same number of best friends anyway, and it'll look just fine - thanks for being on my side when it comes to valuing friendships over appearances."

gottahavashorti

You can't.  What are you going to say, "sorry, you're just a number to me?"

If the lack of symmetry bothers you that much, stick with his original 4 GM if the 5th hasn't been asked yet and alternate BM and GM somehow rather than having BM on your side and GM on his:
GM BM BM BM BM GM Bride Groom GM BM BM BM BM GM
BM BM GM BM BM GM Bride Groom GM BM BM GM BM BM

Or have them all sit in the front row during the ceremony.

trix1223

Can you take a minute and imagine yourself on the receiving end of the conversation that you want to have with your friends?

"Listen, Hannah.  I know I asked you to be in the wedding party.  And I know that you were excited and said you'd be honored.  But well, we've decided it's just too many people.  So we're cutting some of the girls.  Because, see, I had more girls than FI did......and the lack of symmetry would really bug me.  So I had to toss out 4 of you.  And well, you didn't make the cut."

So how do you feel? 

Please, you made the decision to ask.  Now you live with the consequences of that decision.  And that means that you have 8 in your WP.

And let's continue the original conversation with your friends, shall we?  "Oh, but don't worry!  You won't be in the WP, but I'm going to let you hand out bubbles {or be the guest book attendant; or cake cutter; or punch pourer; or gift table attendant; or personal assistant}!  Isn't that just so fun?" 

Grown ups live with the consequences of the decisions they make.  Welcome to the world of grown ups.

AdeleDazeem

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_many-bridesmaids-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:506790d9-5ae8-4c35-af67-e507ac8f0575Post:7a8e37c7-2666-4d1b-9a62-44a8c8291142">Re: Too many Bridesmaids...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Too many Bridesmaids... : Just sit them down and say "Sorry, but symmetrical pictures are more important than your friendship."  Because there has never in the history of the world been another way for that conversation to go down.
Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]

Win!

mysticl

You can:
A) do what everyone else said and end your friendships with 3 girls by kicking them out (and possibly screw up your friendship with other 5 when they see how you treated those 3). 

get over being picky

C) Tell all 8 bridesmaids and all 5 groomsmen that you have decided not to have a wedding party at all and the 2 of you stand up there alone.  No Maid of Honor, No Best Man, No Bridesmaids, No Groomsmen, No Flower Girls, No Ring Bearer.

Personally, I'd go with B

mattycam

you can still make it work! You can double up or have them walk in singles.

DavidandAmyClark

Oh wait I have another idea! Why don't you just hire 3 male models to be "stunt" groomsmen, because WP members are just chess pieces you and add and get rid of right?  

Kidding, but I hope this idea sounded just as ridiculous as kicking out your friends.

Manwaithiel

"I'm too picky to have uneven sides."

You sound just like someone else I had a Knot war with the other day over this exact same issue. Scroll back a few pages and you'll find it if you're interested in what I'd type if I wanted to restate everything.

heyimbren

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_many-bridesmaids-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:506790d9-5ae8-4c35-af67-e507ac8f0575Post:2550d4b9-7422-410c-81b6-89675654dadd">Re: Too many Bridesmaids...</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh wait I have another idea! Why don't you just hire 3 male models to be "stunt" groomsmen, because WP members are just chess pieces you and add and get rid of right?   Kidding, but I hope this idea sounded just as ridiculous as kicking out your friends.
Posted by DavidandAmyClark[/QUOTE]

This. Your honour attendants are not models you hire to stand up with you. Face that fact and move on. If you want models, pay to hire them as many as you want to wear whatever you want.

banana468

Please just have uneven sides.

And PPs, PLEASE watch the language!!

Hannahandbrandononeal

Thanks for all of the input. I know it sounds like a complete Bitch and trust me reading these make me feel like one.  You all are right about my WP such be with my closest friends. I almost like the idea of the WP sitting in the font row instead of standind with us. We are getting married married in/in front of a gazebo. So that might look better anyways. I'll talk to Brandon and see what he's thoughts are about that. The girls know that there are only 5 Groomsmen and how I have always been about having things even. The last thing I would want to do his hurt their feelings.

emilyinchile

Yaaaaaay, sane OP! Honestly, your original idea was a bad one, but the fact that you realized that and are now making the right choice in terms of your friendships means that you most definitely are not a bitch.

trix1223

Good job, Hannah.  I'm glad you were able to listen and then hear what people were telling you.  Stick around.  This is a great board to be a part of.

gottahavashorti

Good for you for changing your mind!  Considering a bad idea and not going through with it doesn't make you biitchy, it's part of the Bad Idea Disease brought about by wedding brain induced by the wedding industry.  Fortunately, some people such as yourself manage to fight the wedding industry and make decisions that are kind to their friends.

Hannahandbrandononeal

The wedding stress is most def. getting to me being that my FI in in Iraq right now and has been since a week after he ask me to marry him. "Lucky" me he also wont be home until 4 moths before Skpying him the updates. He tried very hard to help from a far. Still it just adds more stress, In the end you all are right and if not for the friends I have I wouldn't have made it this far. I guess it's normal to 2nd guess a lot of things, which is where a site like this where I can get honest input really helps.

aerinpegadrak

Yeah, don't worry about bride brain.  That's why the Knot's here, to knock some sense into you when you need it.  Happens to the best of us.

Manwaithiel

Yay!

I know it can be stressful (espeically without the help of your FI) but try to have fun with it too!

urregoserra

Who cares if it's uneven, it sort of sounds like you just don't want the 3 girls to be BM?? If thats the case than be honest with them, if they really know you than they will be happy for you and call it a day.

My FI only has 4 people as groomsman and I already know that I have 6 BMs plus a Jr. BM. and I have a feeling my family will be upset if I don't include my two cousins which would make my wedding party a total of 9BMs. We'll see how my situation pans out.

Good luck!!

Summerl30

If you are really sticky on having only 5 talk to them and be honest.  I find it hard to believe that they would be really that upset as to end your friendship over that.  if that is the case, I seriously question the friendship.  Just tell them that you hadn't discussed it with FI before hand and that you were really excited and jumped the gun. 

 My sister has already asked 8 as well.  Her FI has much less, but is amenable to having her fill in the rest of his bridal party with her family in order to accommodate her (my brother, my husband, our cousins).  I think especially if they are already married, then can understand getting excited and jumping the gun in this case.

Also, if some are young, like a teenager/tween sister/cousin, could you ask them to be a jr bridesmaid?  could you have a personal attendant that day who doesn't walk down the aisle, but spends the morning with you helping you get ready?  could you give some a reading or a song to sing in the service?

Summerl30

or are any HIS family, like sisters?  could they stand on his side instead of yours?

lenergyrlah

if they're sitting up front nobody will notice the lack of symmetry.  For walking out, try pairing MOH with BM, GM1 with BM1, and then 2 BMs for each of the other 3 remaining GMs.