Need Advice

prm2012

I am getting married in October and I have asked my fiance to decide who he wants standing up there with him so I can have a good count on the wedding party. He tells me he wants one of his friends he has known his entire life, but this guy makes me so mad when he comes around I cant even be in my own home when he is there! There is just something about him that makes me angry and upset whenever he gets around. I told my fiance how I feel and he says "well he is one of my best friends and I have already told him he is in the wedding so"...  Not sure what I need to do? Do I keep insisting that he find someone else or just deal? My problem is I don't want to have to be angry and upset on my wedding day and years after when I have to see his face in my pictures!

DBean00

I know its hard but your fiance has spoken.  As much as you dislike him you should value your fiance wishes.  I know it will be hard and you may even experience some drama throughout the planning but only you can control how you feel.  Let him be in it and tell your fiance that you love him and are doing this because your wedding day is just as important to him and it is you.  If there is drama or things you dislike, just let them go and remember your wedding day is about celebrating your love to one another.

aerinpegadrak

Why do you need him to ask his attendants so you can ask yours?  Sides don't have to be even.  You ask your people and he asks his.  Unless this guy has tried to sleep with you after you got together with your FI or has assaulted you or otherwise committed a crime against you, you don't get veto power. 

What do you have against him, anyway?  It sounds like you dislike him for no rational reason, which doesn't exactly make him the one causing the drama.

Summer2011Bride

FI should get to pick the guys who stand up on his side. Now if this guy tried to get in your pants recently or something and acted totally inappropriately, I could see having a discussion with FI about not feeling comfortable. But if you just dislike him just because (I couldn't really get a reason from your OP), then I think you just need to suck it up for the wedding day. You pick your BMs, he picks his GMs.

prm2012

I asked him simply to know how many people are going to up there. And me not liking him has alot to do with him, he is a rude lazy person who is very disrespectful to women and when he is around my fiance thinks its ok to be the same... and guess what its not..

DBean00

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_need-advise-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:5191e77a-a120-43ec-b23e-249fda899f63Post:65438408-4b29-4779-bf9e-a9edd23b6477">Re: Need Advice</a>:
[QUOTE]I asked him simply to know how many people are going to up there. And me not liking him has alot to do with him, he is a rude lazy person who is very disrespectful to women and when he is around my fiance thinks its ok to be the same... and guess what its not..
Posted by prm2012[/QUOTE]

Why doesn't your finance ask him to not act like that around you?  If its a respect issue you are not receiving then its your finances duty to stand up for you and ask his friend to respect you. 

aerinpegadrak

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_need-advise-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:5191e77a-a120-43ec-b23e-249fda899f63Post:3f322dd3-7100-48be-b7ae-01ae5b35a85f">Re: Need Advice</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Need Advice : Uh, this guy isn't the problem then, your FI is.  He turns into a douche when his friend is around?  That definitely speaks more to your FI's character. 
Posted by EaglesBride2012[/QUOTE]
Precisely this.  Forbidding this guy from being in the wedding doesn't remotely address the issue of the company your FI keeps and how he chooses to behave.

mcskatcat

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_need-advise-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:5191e77a-a120-43ec-b23e-249fda899f63Post:3f322dd3-7100-48be-b7ae-01ae5b35a85f">Re: Need Advice</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Need Advice : Uh, this guy isn't the problem then, your FI is.  He turns into a douche when his friend is around?  That definitely speaks more to your FI's character. 
Posted by EaglesBride2012[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Yeah, what she said.  If your FI changes how he acts around certain people, then that says way more about your FI than his friends.  So your FI doesn't respect you when he's around this guy?  That is not something I would want in a marriage.  </div>

mbcdefg

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_need-advise-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:5191e77a-a120-43ec-b23e-249fda899f63Post:65438408-4b29-4779-bf9e-a9edd23b6477">Re: Need Advice</a>:
[QUOTE]I asked him simply to know how many people are going to up there. And me not liking him has alot to do with him, he is a rude lazy person who is very disrespectful to women and when he is around my fiance thinks its ok to be the same... and guess what its not..
Posted by prm2012[/QUOTE]

Well, then, the <strong>actual </strong>issue here is that you're choosing to marry a guy who either doesn't believe you when you tell him that this guy treats you like crap, or that he simply doesn't care that his friend treats his future wife like crap.

ETA: And also that your fiance chooses to treat women like crap just because his buddy is doing it. That's not his friend's fault, honey ... are you prepared to marry a guy who'll willingly be crude and unfair to you just because of how someone else acts?

Stop thinking about your bridal party for now. FIX this problem with your fiance before you continue with the wedding plans. A ring and a marriage certificate won't cure him of this behavior, sweetie. If it annoys you now, it's only going to get worse and worse as time goes by.

beautifulvice

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_need-advise-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:5191e77a-a120-43ec-b23e-249fda899f63Post:65438408-4b29-4779-bf9e-a9edd23b6477">Re: Need Advice</a>:
[QUOTE]I asked him simply to know how many people are going to up there. And me not liking him has alot to do with him, he is a rude lazy person who is very disrespectful to women and <strong>when he is around my fiance thinks its ok to be the same</strong>... and guess what its not..
Posted by prm2012[/QUOTE]


That's a problem with your FI not with your FI's friend.