Thought I wouldn't have a problem with this...

Vanessarf07

So...the ring is coming in the next week (on my birthday) and FH and I have been talking about what we want.  We were thinking of an October 2011 wedding.  We have been together for 6 years and want to get married next year for sure.  So...here's the problem...my sister just informed me that she is going to be doing a study abroad during the spring semester, the summer semester, and possibly during the fall semester.  I knew she was going to do the spring and summer one and now she wants to do this other one.  Great for her that she wants to travel, but I am supposed to change my wedding to 2012?  My family is going to say when  you have the opportunity to do something in school, DO IT!  But what about me!?  Any suggestions??? Do I wait another year or just do it and maybe she will be there but just don't have her standing up???

MyNameIsNot

Once you get engaged, talk to your sister.  If she is abroad, will she be able to travel home for your wedding?  She'd only have to come home for one weekend, and October should be early enough in the semester that it shouldn't be a huge deal.  You could plan to cover her flight as part of your budget or as a gift to her if $ is the issue.  

If not, you need to find out for sure whether she will be going, and if she is, you need to weigh whether getting married in 2011 or having your sister next to you is more important.  Either is a viable option.  

AdeleDazeem

...why can't your sister come home for a wedding?

emilyinchile

Yeah, I live in Chile and have no sisters yet somehow have made it home for 3 friends' weddings so far and am in another next year. This should be an easy fix.

emilyinchile

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_thought-wouldnt-problem-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:519cc2b0-5cad-45f1-ba60-15dbc517cf67Post:698c9292-20f4-4f95-9642-5ba62b1b8e8d">Thought I wouldn't have a problem with this...</a>:
[QUOTE]So...the ring is coming in the next week (on my birthday) and FH and I have been talking about what we want.  We were thinking of an October 2011 wedding.  We have been together for 6 years and want to get married next year for sure.  So...here's the problem...my sister just informed me that she is going to be doing a study abroad during the spring semester, the summer semester, and possibly during the fall semester.  I knew she was going to do the spring and summer one and now she wants to do this other one.  Great for her that she wants to travel, but I am supposed to change my wedding to 2012?  My family is going to say when  you have the opportunity to do something in school, DO IT!  But what about me!?  Any suggestions??? Do I wait another year or just do it and maybe she will be there but just don't have her standing up???
Posted by Vanessarf07[/QUOTE]

Manwaithiel

I think Emily knows what she's talking about with this. If my sister were getting married, you can bet I'd be on a plane to come to the wedding and I sure as heck would not ask someone to change their wedding date because I chose to go out of the country for a year.

trix1223

You're worrying about what I call a "maybe/what if" issue right now. 

Maybe you'll find a venue/church on a date you want in October.  Maybe your sister will be studying abroad in the spring.  Maybe your sister will be studying abroad in the summer.  Maybe your sister will be studying abroad next fall.  But maybe those things won't happen.

Then we come to the "what ifs?"  What if we are able to get a venue/church on a date in October?  What if sis is studying abroad?  Does that automatically mean she can't book a flight and come home?

Only you will know the answers:  will you sister choose to stay abroad and not attend your wedding?  Will that bother you enough to postpone getting married for a full year? 

Then let's complete the what if's?  What if she then gets a job abroad?  Will you be expected to postpone yet again?

From my POV, I think if you want your sister there, you say to her "What date would work best for you in October, 2011 for our wedding?"  Then you plan your wedding.  If she can make it, she will.  If she can't, she'll be missed, and you'll share via skype, or streaming online, or photos after the fact.

But I don't think you put your life on hold based on maybes and what ifs.

aerinpegadrak

Definitely ditto the others.  If you really want her there, I'd do a little research and find out what airfare will run for her, and build that into your wedding budget.  If she doesn't need the help, great!  But if she does, you can pitch in without hardship.

And if you want to have her as a bridesmaid, ask her.  You can either look exclusively at designers who are available where she'll be studying, do a little shopping with her before she leaves so you can get an idea of what dresses look good on her and what she likes, so she can make an informed decision and send you her measurements even if she can't try it on in advance, or just give all of the girls some basic guidelines with regards to length and color and let them choose their own.  If it turns out that she can't make it, she's still a bridesmaid, just an absent one.

Simply Fated

To be fair, I know money can be tight and it isn't always easy to fly home for the weekend. Plus, she'd run the risk of missing school which could, in effect, mean missing major exams and tests and what-not.
I've had friends study abroad and they weren't able to come home, even for Thanksgiving break.

She'll have breaks in between travelling, though, right?

I would wait until you know for sure what her deal is as far as when and where she's going. I'm sure you'll be able to find a day that she's free. And, if not, then she has a very important choice to make.

bablingbrooke

I used to live in Europe and while it's an inconvenience to have fly back to the US, it's not impossible, and worthwhile for something like your sister's wedding.  Planes go both ways, you know.  If you do set an Oct. 2011 wedding, then sis will have to find her way back, and I trust she will.  

If it makes you feel better, my DH is from Lebanon and nearly all his relatives from the old country came to our wedding in a non-major city in California where both sets of parents currently live.  They had to fly from the middle east to Europe to North America to that city.  Something tells me your sister won't have such a long, crazy trek across the world

You think you want an Oct. 2011 wedding now.  But things may drastically change once you look at your budget, venue options, etc.  If I'd had my choice, I would have had a fall wedding, but life happened and it had to be in July.  You need to stop worrying about the what-ifs and save your fretting for actual issues that arise.

ETA: I will say that while you aren't obligated to move your wedding for your sister, if you know you're going to set a date that she either can't make or would be REALLY difficult for her to make, I would move it.  That's me, though.  DH and I finalized our wedding date knowing that the "principals" (parents and siblings) would be available that day, barring an unforeseen circumstance.  Like I said, it's not an obligation, but it was something we considered.

bablingbrooke

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_thought-wouldnt-problem-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:519cc2b0-5cad-45f1-ba60-15dbc517cf67Post:06aeb6b2-52b5-41e2-ae01-412aa382db89">Re: Thought I wouldn't have a problem with this...</a>:
[QUOTE]I've had friends study abroad and they weren't able to come home, even for Thanksgiving break. 
Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]
Ditto PP, there is no such thing as Thanksgiving outside the US, and even within the US it's often not worth it to fly so far.  When DH and I lived in Boston we always did Thanksgiving with east coast relatives because it was too time-consuming and expensive to fly to California.  When I lived in England, I cooked Thanksgiving for my flatmates and we celebrated it there.  

Beachy730

Will she be coming home in between semesters?  And is an October wedding more important to you, or getting married at anytime in 2011?  I would try planning in between semesters if possible.  Or even do a wedding around Christmas next year when she would probably be home by then.  New Years Eve is a Saturday next year.  We were supposed to get married NYE this year but had to move it up, but I loved the idea of NYE.

I think you just need to decide what is more important to you.  Getting married in a specific month, or having your sister there.  If its having your sister there, try planning in between semesters when it would be easier to come home probably.  October would be taking a chance that she can come home, and would be able to miss classes.

bablingbrooke

Yeah that's half the fun of going abroad--very few hours in class, lots of opportunities to travel  I lived in a flat with 8 other exchange students, and most of my friends were exchange students from other countries, and believe me, I wasn't the only person who approached it that way  

Vanessarf07

I guess I should have stated that I do not have a problem with getting married in a different month of the year.  I just don't want a time when it is too hot (I don't like hot weather).  I have tried to talk to her about when she would be home in between the breaks but she doesn't know when those dates are.  It is important for me to have her there...I only have two sisters and I am only getting married once.  I guess I am trying to be flexiable, but she is making it hard for me...making it almost sound like I better do what she says or she isn't going to be there.  I guess there are only so many things I can control   Thanks girls!

emilyinchile

It is supremely unlikely that your sister will have THE one exam that will make or break her entire semester on the Saturday of your wedding. In the absolute worst case scenario, even if she can't get any time off from classes, she can fly home for the weekend. A friend just did this for another friend's wedding, actually - she was in the US for less than 36 hours. It's not ideal, obviously, but it can be done.