My MOH is becoming a Sisterzilla need advice!

Blinkingelf13

First of all for a little bit of a background on things. My sister and I have never quite been too close. We are five years apart in age and complete opposites when it comes to lifestyle and personality. When my FI and I started to plan our wedding she basically invited herself into my MOH position and me being who I am and her being herself I did not agrue knowing I would save myself from months of harassment and anger.

Then in April when we were picking our wedding date we chose August  27th of next year for very specific reasons. The most important reason is that it is the ONLY weekend in the entire year that we would have a full week off for our honeymoon afterward due to our school schedules, my intern schedule, my company's schedule, and FI's research schedule. When I told her the date she said that the date was absolutely out of the question because it was my niece's first weekend at her new school in 2011 and if we did not change it her, my two nieces, and brother-in-law would not be coming. So after a few days of being upset I changed our date to September 3rd, 2011 knowing that FI and I would only have 2 days after the wedding before returning to school! However, it was a comprimise we became okay with.

Now, that I am in the essential stages of planning and just asked my sister on the date she was thinking about for our wedding shower so we could look for plane tickets she has not called- emailed - text - or facebooked message me back in two weeks! Also, everytime I talk to her about our wedding she says she doesn't care and says she has to go or changes the subject to her!

I talked to my mom and she says she doesn't know what is wrong other than because she is not in the center of attention she doesn't care and will make my wedding about her.

I know this is extremely long but does anyone have any advice?

sister2groom

You need to stop being a pushover. I don't think you should have changed the date unless she had a really good reason it wouldn't work, and who goes to school on a weekend?

Also, you shouldn't be planning your shower and it kind of sounds like she doesn't want to plan one either, so if you don't have a shower you don't need to worry about tickets for it.

emilykathleen511

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-becoming-sisterzilla-need-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:539d577d-4824-41db-869d-66e2e50434bcPost:43612d7c-bcb0-4175-a9e4-dcafa3440ee9">My MOH is becoming a Sisterzilla need advice!</a>:
[QUOTE]First of all for a little bit of a background on things. My sister and I have never quite been too close. We are five years apart in age and complete opposites when it comes to lifestyle and personality. When my FI and I started to plan our wedding she basically invited herself into my MOH position and me being who I am and her being herself I did not agrue knowing I would save myself from months of harassment and anger. Then in April when we were picking our wedding date we chose August  27th of next year for very specific reasons. The most important reason is that it is the ONLY weekend in the entire year that we would have a full week off for our honeymoon afterward due to our school schedules, my intern schedule, my company's schedule, and FI's research schedule. When I told her the date she said that the date was absolutely out of the question because it was my niece's first weekend at her new school in 2011 and if we did not change it her, my two nieces, and brother-in-law would not be coming. So after a few days of being upset I changed our date to September 3rd, 2011 knowing that FI and I would only have 2 days after the wedding before returning to school! However, it was a comprimise we became okay with. Now, that I am in the essential stages of planning and just asked my sister on the date she was thinking about for our wedding shower so we could look for plane tickets she has not called- emailed - text - or facebooked message me back in two weeks! Also, everytime I talk to her about our wedding she says she doesn't care and says she has to go or changes the subject to her! I talked to my mom and she says she doesn't know what is wrong other than because she is not in the center of attention she doesn't care and will make my wedding about her. I know this is extremely long but <strong>does anyone have any advice?</strong>
Posted by Blinkingelf13[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Yes, my advice is to just stop talking to her about the wedding. Her only "jobs" are to get the dress and show up on the day. A bridal shower is not owed to you. If she wants to throw one (or if anyone else does) she will offer. You should not be involved in the planning of it. Also, if you only expect the bare minimum from your sister, you can't be disappointed by her. Just remember, no one will be as excited about your wedding as you are (and that is okay).

</div>

Meredith5683

I can't believe you changed your date like that! You must be one heck of a good sister because I don't think I would have taken the week long honeymoon away just for a sister I can't stand. Personally I would try to get the date back if I could. If she can't make it, she can't make it, and that's starting to sound like a great idea. Other than that, don't include her in anything. If she brings it up answer her question and if the convo starts turning south, change the topic. Good luck!

bablingbrooke

As RetraedBride always says, "NO is not a four-letter word, don't be afraid to use it."

Stop telling her your wedding plans, and stop acquiescing to her demands.  Call her bluff once in awhile.  "Sorry you won't be joining us; I hope you change your mind because we still very much want you there."  I bet you anything she still shows up to the wedding.  And if she doesn't, it doesn't sound like it would be a huge loss.

Finally, even the most enthusiastic BM doesn't want to hear about wedding plans 24/7, so ease up on the wedding talk in general for awhile.  

orangecrush32

I cannot believe you changed your wedding date because of her. That's ridiculous. I understand wanting your sister to be there, but if she doesn't have a legit reason then say "Oh I'm sorry you won't be able to come. We were really hoping to see you there."

zitiqueen

You don't have a sister problem, you have a you problem. You brought all of this on yourself by being a doormat and allowing her to walk all over you. One simple "No" in the beginning would have nipped all of this in the bud. Instead, you gave her exactly what she wanted and what are you getting in return? The months of harrassment and anger you thought you'd avoid if you let her call all the shots in your life.

It's way past time you started being a grown-up who stands up for herself to others.

Manwaithiel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-becoming-sisterzilla-need-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:539d577d-4824-41db-869d-66e2e50434bcPost:1aa9fbcc-f250-4c47-8fc8-0de0451a2ccf">Re: My MOH is becoming a Sisterzilla need advice!</a>:
[QUOTE]You don't have a sister problem, you have a you problem. You brought all of this on yourself by being a doormat and allowing her to walk all over you. One simple "No" in the beginning would have nipped all of this in the bud. Instead, you gave her exactly what she wanted and what are you getting in return? The months of harrassment and anger you thought you'd avoid if you let her call all the shots in your life. It's way past time you started being a grown-up who stands up for herself to others.
Posted by zitiqueen[/QUOTE]

Seconded.

And a shower is not a requirement. Unless she offers to throw you one, then don't bring it up again.

saisongbird

Honestly, if I were you, and it wasn't too late, I'd say screw it and change my date back so she couldn't go. But I'm feeling nasty and spiteful this morning.

As for the shower, anyone can throw you one.  They're not a requirement, but they don't have to be hosted by the MOH. If your mom feels the same way you do, she can host it.  

lalap69

Stop being a doormat.  Plan your wedding the way you want it, you don't need to consult your sister on every step along the way.

SSaltzman87

I agree with PPs, don't be a doormat. You don't need a stamp of approval from your sister, it's your wedding-not hers! I do agree though that your sister is definitely in the wrong and shouldnt've insinuated herself into the MOH role.

Limit wedding talk with her to the bare minimum, like letting her know where the RD dinner is and what time to show up for the ceremony.

TheCranberry

I'm with the PPs who say that you have a "you problem" not a sister problem.  What will happen if you stand up to her?  Nothing.  She has no control over your life.  You teach people how to treat you, and you've taught her that she can always get her way with you.  You need to change that.

I also agree that if you can, you should change your date back.  Your FI is super understanding if he was willing to forego a HM just so your wedding date can be convenient for your sister.  I know it's probably important to you that your sister be at your wedding, but it doesn't seem like she appreciates or is worth the sacrifice.

megandjay

I also can't believe you changed your date for her! Either she can attend or she can't.

Other advice from PPs is good as well. Just let her know what to where and when to be there, if she declines, that that is her loss.

Sorry you are going through this, I can't imagine having such a selfish and insensitive sister.

Sarah5683

You are a much nicer person than I. I had one girl try to push her way into my wedding party who doesn't even want to go to my wedding otherwise. I agree with PP. If at all possible, change your date back! I would hate the idea of going back to class with a serious lack of honeymoon and so quickly after the wedding.

Also, when she does this "If you don't do this, then I'm not going to be there" thing, have a new MoH ready to go so it doesn't phase you as much. Nobody wants a wedding party pooper!!

I'm sorry this is the situation but you can handle it. Good luck!