was i wrong?

nickiccs

I had my bridal shower this past Sunday, it was small and that is what i wanted (only about 15-18 people) my immediate family is very close but as for my aunt/uncles/grandparents not so much. My aunts showed up but hardly talked to me and then pictures were posted of the shower. My step grandmother saw these pictures and is very upset that she was not invited. My reasoning was she is married to my grandfather who has had 2 strokes and is in a wheel chair now and can not speak. She always complains about driving by herself and hates driving far.. It is hard for her to do things by herself because she needs to find someone to watch my grandfather. The shower would have been at least 1.5 hours away. I have responded to her just saying i did not want her to feel obligated and i am just happy they will be able to join us for the wedding and i did not want her to have to plan for a whole separate day and apologized if i had hurt her feelings.. (my actual grandmother was not invited to this shower either just because we are not close and don't really speak.. that's a whole seperate story) was i wrong because i truly had good intentions??

bablingbrooke

You should have at least extended the invitation and left it up to her to decide whether it would have been too difficult to attend.  Making the decision for her was wrong.

mbcdefg

You're not a bad person for your reasonings, but it was wrong of you to decide on her behalf that the shower would've been too much for her. (No matter how much pissing and moaning she does about traveling.)

You've apologized, which is really all you can do. Just take it as a lesson learned. Leave it up to other people to decide what is and is not "too much" for them.

Robyn5298

Oh no, what a mess!  I understand that you had good intentions but since your step-grandmother was hurt, I think you need to eat a little crow to fix this.

Sending her the message was a good start.  I also think you should call her up and let her know how sorry you are and that you never meant to upset her.  Tell her you honestly felt that if you sent her an invitation that she would feel pressured to come and that you did not want to make her travel, especially with your step-grandfather needing care.  Say that now you realize that you should have sent an invitation anyway and again, apologize!

Good luck and I hope this gets smoothed over quickly!

trix1223

I (sorry) agree with the other ladies.  Your heart was 100% in the right place, and you didn't slight your step-grandma intentionally,  but deciding that she wouldn't want to drive was not your call.

You should have sent the invitation, and given her the opportunity to accept or decline.  But this way, it appeared to her (although you never intended it that way) that she wasn't wanted at your shower.

I'd call her up and apologize profusely.  "Grandma, I'm so sorry.  I made a big mistake, and it wasn't my place to decide for you whether or not you'd want to drive here.  Please accept my apology, and I've learned an important lesson."

good luck.  Again, your heart was in the right place, but as malphabet said, take it as an important lesson learned.

lalap69

I understand where you were coming from, but any time you make a decision "for the own good" of another adult, you're in the wrong.  You should have extended the invitation and let her make her own decision.  However, it's done and you've apologized, so hopefully that'll be the end of it.

Mrs.B6302007

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_wrong?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:576313a3-c3b8-4b1d-ac3f-b8a27f61b329Post:37e3e6fc-3c11-41e4-b8f3-437b6eae02f9">Re: was i wrong?</a>:
[QUOTE]You should have at least extended the invitation and left it up to her to decide whether it would have been too difficult to attend.  Making the decision for her was wrong.
Posted by bablingbrooke[/QUOTE]

this exactly.  You owe your s-gmother an apology.

Mrs.B6302007

Oops. I see now that you have.

eshaufle

I agree with the other girls as well.  You were well-intentioned but should have extended the invite anyways.  Kind of like inviting people to your wedding that you would want there 100% but know they couldn't go.  Same concept.

You apologized so I'd say that's pretty much all you can do.  But in the future, even if you know someone can't attend something but you'd want them there under normal circumstances, invite them anyways.  It's a nice thing to do and maybe they might just make it!

LD1970

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_wrong?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:576313a3-c3b8-4b1d-ac3f-b8a27f61b329Post:6ad9d90f-644a-473f-8438-d1266ad53704">Re: was i wrong?</a>:
[QUOTE]You're not a bad person for your reasonings, but it was wrong of you to decide on her behalf that the shower would've been too much for her. (No matter how much pissing and moaning she does about traveling.) You've apologized, which is really all you can do. Just take it as a lesson learned. Leave it up to other people to decide what is and is not "too much" for them.
Posted by mbcdefg[/QUOTE]
Ditto this.

suz62984

Your reasonings weren't hateful but the invitation should have been extended to avoid hurt feelings. From there it would have been up to her to decide whether or not she is comfortable driving or not. What's done is done. Don't beat yourself up over it. You apologized and didn't intentionally leave her out so move on.

jerseydevil

I understand why you did not extend the invitation to her, but you should have. Live and learn.