Wedding Party
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She is driving me insane. (Rant)

I have 7 bridesmaids. One of them was a good friend of mine but I was iffy on asking her. After little to no contact with her over the last few months, I'm really regretting it. Don't get me wrong, I'd never "un-ask" her.
Recently FH and I changed our wedding date for about a billion different reasons, so I was busy taking trips to the town where we're ordering our BM dresses. None of the girls could go on the same day/time but we needed the order placed ASAP so I took 2 on Friday, 2 Monday, and 3 Tuesday. This particular bridesmaid, I guess I will call her "S," went on Tuesday. All the girls knew they had to put $58 down for us to place the order. First, S told us she needed the window down (on the freeway) because she was carsick and she get "carsick when the weather is bad."

Seriously, I get carsick BAD. We were on the FREEWAY, and I've never heard of weather affecting your stomach. I didn't say anything, but it got better...or worse.

We get there, and as one girl is getting measured S pulls me aside and asks how much we need to pay. I repeated, "$58." She said, "okay...we have to pay that today? I don't think I have that much..."
Insert brutally rude voice in my head saying, Crap! I only told you that the last 3 times you asked for fun. We don't desperately need these dresses ASAP or anything. You take your sweet time and we'll wait for you. If you're going to ask something, can't you listen? You could've double-checked in your e-mail OR on your texts...
I understand if she didn't have the money- we're all in college and she's the only one of my BMs who isn't working, okay, I get it. Then like two minutes later she says, "Well I told my parents I needed the money and they said okay but I guess the forgot to give it to me."

I honestly didn't know what to think. I told all my BMs if they needed help I could provide some assistance, especially since we moved the date so much. First of all, if this was anyone else I'd be like, okay, yeah, but this is a friend who I've always been there for...but who was never really there for me when I was in a hard place. She's also kind of sheltered- as in lives in the dorms, wants to wait until marriage to have sex, will never drink or do drugs, parents buy her laptops and cars and all that, and she's never had a ton of friends...
I was just kind of flustered because I don't have much money to start with, and all the girls told me they were ready to pay.

Anyway, I accepted it, told her I'd cover what she didn't have (over 50%), and she went to get measured. She was between a 10-12 in the hips, and between a 12-14 in the chest. They told her to go with a 14 because in our flowy dresses, the chest is the biggest part and you can take it in other places if it's too big.
She went to try on a 12 and a 14 and while I was browsing random things with my other two BMs, we heard her telling the consultant she wanted to get a 12 because she was usually "smaller in the summer"  and she thought it'd be okay.
My BMs cringed and I had a mini heart attack.
Why. Why would anyone ever get a smaller size when it's so much easier to take a dress in then to let it out???

I heard the consultant explain that dress (sz 12) was already stretched because it'd been a floor model for a long time...and S still said she wanted a 12. I went over and she showed me both dresses. The 14 was barely zipping. BARELY ZIPPING.
The 12 looked like it had been spray-painted on in the bust/ribs/waist. Not to be rude but it literally looked like someone wearing too-small pants. Muffin top and everything.



I love her, I really do. I understand forgetting money or not having it. I understand being carsick. I understand wanting to fit in a size under what I actually wear.
I just...
was really, really frustrated. And aggravated.

I finally talked her into going with a size 14, promising we could take it in easily.
Then the whole way home she interrupted us by reading her notes on her biology midterm out loud, and when she was done with that she rolled her window down so the wind covered our conversation.
It was awesome.

I'm just thankful the order is placed.



Re: She is driving me insane. (Rant)

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    Unfortunately you can't always count on people to act the way you would in a certain situation. It sounds like this worked itself out though. I'm sorry that she seems to be a thorn in your side, but hopefully she was just having an off day. Besides, the dresses are taken care of and you don't have to worry about anything else from her wedding-related except for showing up to the wedding.

    And honestly, I'm not trying to be rude, but if giving her the money bothered you so much, why wouldn't you have made it a loan? Maybe you did and I missed that part, but I really wouldn't dwell on this. I hope your rant helped you get out some frustration.
    image
    It's a girl!
    BabyFruit Ticker
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    I shouldn't be focusing on this, but I feel the need to say something. Just because you don't drink, don't do drugs, and are saving yourself for marriage, it doesn't make you sheltered. I was that way through college (minus saving myself, but my parents paid for everything) and it wasn't that I was sheltered, they were personal choices that I had made. OK, off my soap box now...

    Honestly, she's annoying, but nothing she's done is really a big deal. Did you offer to pay for half of her dress? Or did you offer to loan her the money for her dress? There's a big difference and I hope you did the latter. Just brush her off, now that her dress is ordered and you've successfully convinced her to order the correct size, you don't need to see her again for a bit so just take a second to cool off. Sounds like she has a little growing up to do and that will come in time.
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    Sorry for not clarifying- yes, it was a loan, and no, I didn't mean that because someone isn't an alcoholic crackhead stripper means they're sheltered, I just didn't know what all to describe to explain how she is. Saying she has some growing up to do is a good way of putting it.


    Yeah, writing that novel made me feel a ton better :) It's just been intense all over since moving the date up.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_she-driving-insane-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:57b1f74c-9ecb-4d99-b81e-66e49891e10bPost:cb994df2-aba7-4f8c-bf9c-171791a9a1e1">Re: She is driving me insane. (Rant)</a>:
    [QUOTE]I shouldn't be focusing on this, but I feel the need to say something. Just because you don't drink, don't do drugs, and are saving yourself for marriage, it doesn't make you sheltered. I was that way through college (minus saving myself, but my parents paid for everything) and it wasn't that I was sheltered, they were personal choices that I had made. OK, off my soap box now...
    Posted by lauralaur[/QUOTE]
    I was going to comment on that, too.

    Not doing drugs and waiting until marriage to have sex and not getting tattoos and living in the dorms or what ever is not being sheltered. Those are life choices that this person has chosen for personal reasons. Someone who is sheltered is forced into those options because they are never told other options even exist.
    That is a big difference.

    Anyway, I don't like her excuse of, "I guess my parents forgot to give me to money." This tells us that she knew how much it cost because she had asked her parents for it. Furthermore, for some reason she thinks it's her parents resonsibilty to make sure the money is in her wallet.
    It's her responsibilty to bring the money, not her parents, and not yours. If she didn't have the money that day, then it would be up to her to get the dress another day.
    Her only real job of being a BM is to show up in the dress. If she can't squeeze herself into her size 12 dress, then that's her problem and not something you should be worried abotu right now. She'll be the one screwing it up for herself and there is only so much you can do.
    image
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    [QUOTE]Sorry for not clarifying- yes, it was a loan, and no, I didn't mean that because someone isn't an alcoholic crackhead stripper means they're sheltered, I just didn't know what all to describe to explain how she is. <strong>Saying she has some growing up to do is a good way of putting it</strong>. Yeah, writing that novel made me feel a ton better :) It's just been intense all over since moving the date up.
    Posted by ipwtfa91[/QUOTE]
    See, I still disagree with that.  None of those things mean that she has growing up to do.  College kids typically live in dorms and there's nothing wrong with that.  Her personal decisions don't make her immature and it really sucks to have those decisions be judged.  My parents paid for my car because they wanted me to concentrate on my schoolwork rather than trying to work a ton of hours.  I worked my butt off every time I came home on breaks

    But yes, it is disappointing that she's being difficult.  Is she normally like this or is something going on for her to be more flaky than usual?
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    That sounds like a fun day! It sucks that she forgot to have the money but it's a great thing that she went with the bigger dress.

    Don't bring up the "sheltered" thing though. Her not wanting to have sex before she is married and living in a dorm is of no importance. Don't judge someone for their personal beliefs about sex.
    Anniversary
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    I agree with PPs, but I also get what you mean about being sheltered. I have a friend who at the beginning of college was pretty similar, and for her it was more being scared to try things that felt really grown up/real world than having made a personal choice to specifically avoid certain activities. So I give you the benefit of the doubt on that one.

    It sounds like she was being a pain and a bit irresponsible, but you handled it well. I think she should have figured out the money situation beforehand if you guys had discussed it and agreed it was ok, but you also reacted like a friend rather than like a bridezilla by saying "well you said this was ok, so cough up the money or get out." Hopefully by adjusting your expectations of her to be pretty minimal you'll be able to avoid feeling disappointed in the future and just enjoy her friendship.
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    I guess I shouldn't try to come up with reasons why I see her as sheltered or why she's still fairly incapable of acting like the adult she is. I definitely picked bad examples- I respect her choices completely, and I don't drink or do drugs either.

    I'll try to explain one more time, but I don't think I'm getting it across right. I just meant she's the kind of person who's still learning and growing. She believes what people say and doesn't form opinions of her own. The only experiences she's had outside lovely Oregon were trips to CA, ID, or NV with her family.

    I guess traveling is a bad example too. None of my other friends have traveled as much as I have, yet some of them are way more "grown up" than me.

    Okay, my last attempt would be to say at this point in life, she is still very co-dependent. Yes, she focuses on school, but I know people that focus on school who are far more independent, thoughtful, and involved. Sometimes, the way she talks, it feels like she's only living life on the surface, at a superficial level, and that frustrates me because I wonder when she'll actually jump into living her own life.
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    Well back to the point of your rant...YA that does SUCK!!!  I feel for you, I'm having spome trouble myself but a bit different.
    One of my BM, who has always been there for me and stuck by me and has always been someone I could have fun with.  I MADE SUre I choose the girls who are fun and easy going, but now she is stressing about the cost of the dresses, they picked them out not me and stressing over the traveling cost, getting married in another province and I know it is not cheap.  But I guess I'm just disappointed, it's my speacial day and I thought it would be fun and exciting, now I find myself not talking about the wedding because I know it causes her stress.  Not really fair, I feel, seeing as I've been looking forward to this day in soooo long and now it is fast approaching.  But again, I had to just sit back and I'm sooo easy going that now I'm just leaving it as...let's see where things fall and not stressing over things.  I know she has a lot going on in her personal life and I want to be understanding but I guess I'm just TOO SELFISH to do so.
    I guess that was my little rant, hehehe.  Hope she relaxes a bit and remembers that this is YOUR DAY!
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