Fiance wants his brother to be an usher instead of a GM....

abarlow12

My fiance had 4 GM picked out, but I only have 3 BM, so he decided to "demote" (his words not mine) his brother that he's not that close to anyway, to an usher. I feel bad because if I only had another person that I could ask to be a BM, I would. Should I let him "demote" his brother or try ask someone else to be a BM?

Also, what's the role of an usher? I know they seat people, but are they included in pictures and do they sit at the head table?

bablingbrooke

It's ultimately up to him, but I would let him know how 1) rude it is to his brother and 2) how bad it makes him look.  Google some photos of uneven WPs--my DH was initially against it but he ultimately embraced it once he had a chance to think about it.  

Uneven sides are not required and don't matter.  What a horrible thing to do to his own brother over something so silly.

jagore08

That's his decision but it's silly.  Sides don't need to be even and it's pretty rude to "demote" someone, especially a sibling, for this reason.

DavidandAmyClark

Do not let him demote the brother!! Uneven sides are totally okay!!!

However, my FI has 3 brothers and they are all ushers b/c he didn't want them as groomsmen, I thought it was weird. That is what the FI wants, they are his GMs so he can have whom he wants.  Just don't demote anyone, especially if they already know about it, and don't do this because of symmetry.

AutumnFair

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_fiance-wants-his-brother-usher-instead-of-gm?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:57e9cf28-7508-4219-ba27-04499508ec83Post:71ffcb61-5bf5-45a1-810a-87d47936db8a">Fiance wants his brother to be an usher instead of a GM....</a>:
[QUOTE]My fiance had 4 GM picked out, but I only have 3 BM, so he decided to "demote" (his words not mine) his brother that he's not that close to anyway, to an usher. I feel bad because if I only had another person that I could ask to be a BM, I would. Should I let him "demote" his brother or try ask someone else to be a BM? Also, what's the role of an usher? I know they seat people, but are they included in pictures and do they sit at the head table?
Posted by abarlow12[/QUOTE]

<div>Your FI should not "demote" his own brother just for even sides. You and your FI need to ask yourselves, "Is hurting someone's feelings worth the whole even "look"? I really hope not. The ladies at the Moms and Maids board have given you great ideas on how to adjust the way the WP walk up and down the aisle. </div>

mbcdefg

Ask him why numbers mean more to him than his brother's feelings. Hopefully he'll see how wrong it'd be to demote his brother at that point.

However, if he really wants to bump him down to usher, there's really nothing you can do about it.

suz62984

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_fiance-wants-his-brother-usher-instead-of-gm?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:57e9cf28-7508-4219-ba27-04499508ec83Post:0afecd6a-492b-4751-b222-469254d7b6e4">Re: Fiance wants his brother to be an usher instead of a GM....</a>:
[QUOTE]It's ultimately up to him, but I would let him know how 1) rude it is to his brother and 2) how bad it makes him look.  Google some photos of uneven WPs--my DH was initially against it but he ultimately embraced it once he had a chance to think about it.   Uneven sides are not required and don't matter.  What a horrible thing to do to his own brother over something so silly.
Posted by bablingbrooke[/QUOTE]

This.

Also, it would be interesting to tell him that if he demotes his brother that you are going to add him on your side as a bridesman. I wonder how he would take that? It would probably make his "i must have even sides" head explode. Just let him know that it isn't about even sides, it's about the people you love standing beside you.

jesibel14

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_fiance-wants-his-brother-usher-instead-of-gm?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:57e9cf28-7508-4219-ba27-04499508ec83Post:b9353c69-21fe-400f-8d36-97215d8612e8">Re: Fiance wants his brother to be an usher instead of a GM....</a>:
[QUOTE]People get way too wrapped up in doing what's "normal".  If you have 3 bridesmaids and he has 4 groomsmen, so be it.  No one will care.  Everyone will be thinking, "When is this ceremony gonna be over, cause I'm getting hungry and want a beer." 
Posted by sabatron[/QUOTE]

This.  I can not begin to understand how people can rationalize not having someone special in their wedding bc the sides may be "uneven".  Crazy talk.

AerikaAwright

Wow it's so not a big deal. My FI has a girl on his side....that's a struggle in and of itself so I just decided to let it go....whatever uneven sides or girls on the guys side...it's the modern times it'll work.

C*Mia

When FI were discussing BP picks I had 5 and he had 4. We never thought once "Either you find someone else or i'll nix one of mine" He ended up realizing he forgot a close friend that he did want in the WP. Numbers are stupid. If they mean something and he would want them by his side then this is an easy one. No demoting.

SineadHickey

I'm learning on this board that grooms are way more fussy than I thought! Anyways, I'm being redundant, but yeah don't demote him. Maybe if there was some deep betrayal or something, but not for pure esthetics. Besides uneven bridal parties can look just as great!

sessa35

I'm having 3 girls and 6 guys - and my FI's only brother isn't involved at all.  

Sometimes there are reasons for not wanting your sibling up there - it's totally his decision.  I didn't like it, but it was what he wanted.