Untraditional Wedding Party

doonerv

For the most part at my wedding I will be sticking to tradition, but the wedding parties are the one big exception. I want my party to consist of people who are truly closest to me and not just have anyone up there with me. With that said one of the closest people to me is my cousin, he is my best friend, we have been through a lot together and he means the world to me, I want to incorporate him into the wedding party. He is friends with my fiance, but they aren't really close and at the reception I would like him to be the person who writes a speech for me. My fiance is not really on board with this idea of having a male in my party and I do want to stick to tradition but it is really important to have him beside me on the special day. I guess my question is is it too weird to have a mixed gender wedding party on my part? I keep watching the movie Made of Honor where the actress chooses a male as her Made of Honor and this is sort of the way I am hoping to approach it. Thoughts or comments please!

aerinpegadrak

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_untraditional-wedding-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:57eb76e3-5e0b-4962-a2ef-67861075280cPost:abeab05e-7438-4393-835a-f3da2f7041fd">Untraditional Wedding Party</a>:
[QUOTE]For the most part at my wedding I will be sticking to tradition, but the wedding parties are the one big exception. I want my party to consist of people who are truly closest to me and not just have anyone up there with me. With that said one of the closest people to me is my cousin, he is my best friend, we have been through a lot together and he means the world to me, I want to incorporate him into the wedding party. He is friends with my fiance, but they aren't really close and at the reception I would like him to be the person who writes a speech for me. My fiance is not really on board with this idea of having a male in my party and I do want to stick to tradition but it is really important to have him beside me on the special day. I guess my question is is it too weird to have a mixed gender wedding party on my part? I keep watching the movie Made of Honor where the actress chooses a male as her Made of Honor and this is sort of the way I am hoping to approach it. Thoughts or comments please!
Posted by doonerv[/QUOTE]
Your FI doesn't need to be on board with the idea.  He gets no say in your wedding party, just like you get no say in his.  Mixed gender wedding parties are becoming quite common.  (Though the movie you cited is really not going to win your FI over; isn't the MOH in love with the bride?)

lalap69

You get to pick your side, he gets to pick his.  That means if you want your cousin to stand up for you, then you can have that without your FI's approval.

I'm having my brother and BIL stand up for me, my FI is having his two SILs stand up for him.  I like mixed gender wedding parties.

megandjay

My DH had his sister as his 'best person' and it worked out wonderfully!

bablingbrooke

If a mixed-gender WP will give your family the vapors, they must be living under a rock.  They are very common.  Your FI doesn't like it?  Too bad.  Neither of you has veto power over the other's side in the WP, unless you have a legit reason (i.e. one of his GM tried to kill you, or one of your BM aggressively came on to him, etc.).  

sister2groom

Some people are bothered by really close friends of the opposite sex, but for you it's obviously different. I mean, it's not like anyone would think there's anything going on between you and your cousin.

banana468

Why would your FI be upset that you're close to your cousin?  Just let him know how much it means to you - this should not be something that takes a lot of convincing.

trix1223

This is hardly a new idea.  As long as 7 years ago, my friend had her brother as her honor attendant, and her DH had his sister as his honor attendant.

Tell you FI to get over it.  He doesn't get to choose who stands with you anymore than you get to choose who stands with him.

doonerv

Thanks everyone for your help, I will definitely be asking my cousin to stand up with me as my MOH. 

Yes in the movie I cited the MOH is in love with the bride, its such a great movie, I just liked the whole concept of it being okay to have a male as your MOH instead. 

It's just different to me, I have never been to a wedding in which this was the case.

But like you all said it doesn't matter age or gender or anything as long as that person is important to you. 

Thanks Everyone!

JennaV26

It's a great idea, I'm glad you decided to do it

aerinpegadrak

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_untraditional-wedding-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:57eb76e3-5e0b-4962-a2ef-67861075280cPost:b8c96c01-a41e-447c-9a20-a80bf6302b5f">Re: Untraditional Wedding Party</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm all for mixed-gender parties.  However, I haven't actually been in a wedding where this happened.  So my follow-up question in this thread is:  if you have a guy/brother in your WP, do they also attend the bachelorette party?  Or do they go to your fiance's bachelor party?  Or neither?  I would usually consider a bachelorette party a pretty girly event, and I'm wondering how people have handled this in the past or are planning to for their bachelor/bachelorette parties.  Same goes for a shower - the female WP would traditionally be invited to the shower - do you then also invite the male in the bride's WP?
Posted by naomikb[/QUOTE]
It's whatever everyone involved is most comfortable with, really.  Attendance is not mandatory at any pre-wedding events, so if a bridesman isn't comfortable attending the b-party or shower, he can just decline.  Or the group can plan something that the guy would enjoy as well.

We didn't have any pre-parties, so that wasn't an issue.  As far as getting ready, my bridesman went with DH and the groomsmen for a striaght razor shave, while his groomswoman stayed with me and the bridesmaids for hair and makeup.  But if they'd wanted to do it differently, we would have figured something out.

Kate61487

Ditto Aerin - Whatever they're comfortable with.  My bridesman (I'm not a fan of that title, any other suggestions?) will be invited to the bachelor party and his groomswoman (again, not loving the title) will be invited to the bachelorette and bridal shower.  But that's because 1) all the female wedding invitees are invited to the shower, so why wouldn't she be? and 2) that's what they're comfortable with.  The morning of the wedding I'm planning to do some photos where it's all of the same gender and some photos where it's each "side"; then of course the full group shots.  My bridesman will be getting ready with the boys; and the groomswoman will be primping with the girls.

However - my exSIL had a guy at her bachelorette; he wasn't even in the WP, but he was her gay BFF so she wanted him there. 

trix1223

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_untraditional-wedding-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:57eb76e3-5e0b-4962-a2ef-67861075280cPost:08984215-4108-484f-b700-a3ea3496dfd9">Re: Untraditional Wedding Party</a>:
[QUOTE]Ditto Aerin - Whatever they're comfortable with.  My bridesman (I'm not a fan of that title, any other suggestions?) will be invited to the bachelor party and his groomswoman (again, not loving the title) will be invited to the bachelorette and bridal shower.  But that's because 1) all the female wedding invitees are invited to the shower, so why wouldn't she be? and 2) that's what they're comfortable with.  The morning of the wedding I'm planning to do some photos where it's all of the same gender and some photos where it's each "side"; then of course the full group shots.  My bridesman will be getting ready with the boys; and the groomswoman will be primping with the girls. However - my exSIL had a guy at her bachelorette; he wasn't even in the WP, but he was her gay BFF so she wanted him there. 
Posted by Kate61487[/QUOTE]

Kate:  I'd just call them attendants.  I prefer that to "bridesman" and "groomswoman".

And just because it's a pet peeve of mine:  why was it necessary to include the sexual orientation of your ex-SIL's BFF.  Why couldn't you have just said that your ex-SIL had her BFF, who happens to be male,  at the b-party.  Who he sleeps with didn't really need to be included at all.

aerinpegadrak

We listed ours in the program under "Attendants to the Bride" and "Attendants to the Groom", because the apostrophe in the font I chose was kind of broken.