Looking for bride feedback- what standout thing(s) did your MOH do for you?

Kisses4Kev

Sorry if I'm missing an entire section dedicated to this.. it's been a while since my wedding in 2007, and the website seems to have grown by leaps and bounds since I last logged on! 

I'm going to MOH in a friend's destination wedding in 2012.  This will be my 3rd time as MOH- first time I was 21 and it was the first wedding I was in or at: I was useless & clueless, and the 2nd time was this year, but the timing turned out to be horrendous, I was pregnant for most of the planning and just had the baby come wedding time so I wasn't as involved as I'd have liked.  This time I have the time to prepare and barring any future pregnancies it should be smooth sailing. I am wondering if any brides can share what their MOH did for them, at any point in the planning process that was really special.. creative.. helpful.. surprising.. to give me some ideas.  The bride is a longtime good friend of mine from HS. 

Thank you! 

Beachy730

To clarify, I just mean if I said I had to go anywhere she would offer to go with me, or if I said I was working on invites, she told me to bring them to her house and we would drink wine and do them.  She also wasn't working at the time and new my H lived a few hours away and couldn't help.  I don't at all think its necessary to help or be that available, but i loved that she was always willing to go with me if i wanted her to, or offer help.  I wouldn't have judged her though if she hadn't, and don't at all think it was required of her.  Just really thoughtful and nice.

bablingbrooke

My MOH did the bare minimum (showed up in the dress), and I was not the least disappointed.  It was the most I could realistically expect from her.

gottahavashorti

Assured me that my shoes were awesome when our mom disliked them and said that they were business shoes and people were going to think I forgot my shoes when they saw them.

Designed our simple but pretty invitations.  I did not care about invitations enough to spend money on them and they wouldn't have been as well designed without her.

Those things said, my MOH was my younger sister who is in a graphic design type major.  And who happened to love my shoes.

The Mel and Todd Show

I have two...a maid and matron, and they both do different things to make me smile.  I'm not sure that any of the things they do are because I've asked them to stand up for me, though...they're still the same friends that they've always been.  My matron of honor kicks my butt into gear when I'm procrastinating (she made a good point last night about the fact that I do, in fact, need to get a dress for this wedding rather soon).  My maid of honor is always asking what she can do to help, and sending me pictures and ideas.  These are the same things they would do for me if I was simply attending a wedding, however.  The only thing that has changed is that the dress will now be white.  I think the fact that these roles that we'll each have for this one day haven't changed anything about our friendships is the thing that I appreciate most about them. 

filaw

One thing I learned from my experience, was next time I was in a wedding, I was going to make a point of making sure anything the bride takes off or sets down during the wedding gets back home with someone.  This is because I lost my veil, (because I took it off before dinner).  If I'm ever in the situation to keep someone else from loosing something special, I want to be proactive about it.

LD1970

Headed up the planning of the shower & bach party.

jenmitens

My MOH was AMAZING!!!!!  The best things she did was
1. Came in early the day before my wedding.  It wasn't a local wedding for us, my family was golfing, and my husband wasn't getting in until right before the rehearsal. So she came in and helped me get all the last minute things done.  It was so beyond wonderful. 
2.  She was my voice of reason that day.  Dealt with vendors that were being difficult, and other BMs who were getting lost.

I couldn't have asked for more.  That last minute help/ coordination was the best!!!

mrstfuture

MY MOH is my sister and I couldn't be more disappointed.  I understand that she has kids and all but I've asked her to help me with things to which I get the standard reply, "I'm busy with the kids, " so I've stopped asking.  I've tried to talk to my mother but all she does is support whatever my sister says.  This is getting more and more frustrating cause I really don't have anyone to help me with anything.  I'm in a new city, and although I have work friends, I wouldn't really feel comfortable with asking them to help me with wedding related things. 

Ask my other bridesmaids you say??  Well my fiance's sister is just as much as a flake and I can't even get my other bridesmaid to even go get a dress let alone help with anything.  All of my email messages about things such as asking them if they want hair/makeup appts, etc go unanswered.  Everyone lives in different states, including my fiance, and I have just accepted the fact that I really don't have any help with all of this.

Sorry for the rant, needed to vent.  Thanks Gals!

mana8503

I was a MOH July 2009.  I offered to help with anything my friend said she was working on (mainly helped with Invitations), went with her to try on dresses, talk to the florist (I wasn't much help since the Monday before I was in a car accident and don't remember the meeting haha).  Planned bach-ette party with WP and bridal shower with WP and both moms... and made sure all BMs knew what was going on (with 7 of us I used FB and a private group to send things out including RD and WD schedules).... Mmmm gave a speach at the reception.  Even threw a "party" to made Bridal shower favors with the other BMs, we had a BLAST and ended up meeting up with the bride later.  I had one BM really help a lot with ideas, she was crafty so it was great.

That said, those are all the things I WANTED to do.  I'm a very Type A personality.  I hear things about only showing up that day... but when I said I'll be a BM or MOH I know all that goes with it.  If I didn't WANT to do it, I would decline the offer... which I wish I did with one wedding.

SeptemberFall2011

I WAS the MOH...the things I did was listen to her rants and raves about her wedding planning, suggested solutions to problems, held her shower, bach party, helped her dress, and went on about how she was the bride of 2010.  I also did the "boring" stuff like watchin her try on the exact same dress at several different bridal shops and still wld go oh thts so pretty on you.  (but trust me in my head I was saying "just buy the darn dress already!!")

Also helps to know what she wants you to do.  She may need your hand in everything or she just wants you to show up and stand next to her!

beamer84

My MOH was awesome. I don't think there's any way I could have had a better MOH. And this is despite the fact that she lives 1.5 hours away. Here's what she did:
- was always happy and willing to talk about anything wedding-related
- made it very clear that she was willing to help with whatever she could when it came to the wedding
- came to as many wedding-related outings as her busy life allowed (dress shopping, etc)
- asked about the shower/bach party way in advance (did I want them to be a surprise? did I have any special requests?). I wanted to be surprised, and I had few requests (just to be able to go out and get drunk during the bp with no one needing to drive)
- worked closely with my Mom and other BMs to plan my surprise shower. It was an awesome party, and I was very surprised! She designed the cutest invites for it too!
- worked closely with my BMs and a little with my Mom on planning the bach party. Again, this was a rocking party and I was very surprised!
- continually made sure I was having fun during the 2 parties described above
- contacted me more frequently as the wedding approached to be sure she had all the details down. She wanted to be the one keeping track of things instead of me.
- on the wedding day, she did everything I needed or wanted. Sometimes she did these things before I was aware I needed them! She held my train when I walked, and adjusted it for pics, and kept a few of my personal items in her purse (cell, meds, etc). She helped calm me down after she had to break the news that my DH forgot the sand ceremony things. She worked with my parents to figure out how we would get the sand. She helped me into my wedding dress and adjusted it between ceremony and reception.

Overall, she was endlessly patient, considerate, hard-working, and helpful about everything related to my wedding. She didn't stop being so until the dancing started at my reception. Then, she relaxed and drank and had fun.

What made it all even better is that I never asked her to do any of these things. She offered on her own or just did them.

fyrefairie

It depends alrgely on what you are able to do for her.  Do what you can and want to and make sure you do it joyfully and willingly.  If you find yourself feeling the seeds of resentment over having to put centerpieces together or plana party, don't do it...your bride wants your relationship more than those things.  THat said, if you don't have the ability to plan any parties it might be nice to talk to mothers, sisters and other BMs and see if anyone else can pull it together instead...while not obligated to do so, I think most brides feel alittle sad without the traditional events  It depends on your circumstances. you don't have to spend tons of money on stuff. My MOH helped me address my invties (for some reason this was the task i found most daunting..don't ask) because she enjoys calligraphy.  We had lunch i bough a bottle of wine andit was a nice afternoon.  SHe threw me a lovely shower that i think was pretty budget friendly for her, I loved it because it was fun and thoughtful and time with my loved ones.  She has been great helping me pcik flowers and keep my flaky BM on track, but none of this was expected. 
Mostly, I thnk just being there when you can to provide emotional support or feedback.  Depsite what some people say on these boards, wedding planning is stressful (fun too!) and there are moments when vendors back out or other things come up when it can seem like a big deal even if it isn't.  So be there when you can to provide a few words of reassurance or offer solutions to a panicked bride who can't see the forest for the trees.  Go dress shopping if you want, don't if you don't.  THe biggest thing with my MOH is that she has just been there to reassure me that it's OK that I am not able to make EVERYONE happy with every little detail and to stop trying to to bend over in three different directions to accomdate every last whim. (i.e. yes you can bring your children even though we didn;t invite kids, but no, you cannot bring your pet ferret!)
I think just by the fact that you want to be a great MOH you are destined to be one. 

Soon2BeMrsTing

My MOH was so incredibly thoughtful- she did so many helpful things I never would have dreamed up! 

The number one most helpful thing she did, though, was take away my cell phone just before the rehearsal dinner started, saying I would not see it again until the reception was over.  That thing was blowing up all day, and I sat relaxed and happy because I didn't have to deal with anything or make a single last minute decision!  I slept in until 10:00 the morning of the wedding and was so chill all day because she was making all the tough calls while I was oblivious to the chaos.

phut_action

My MOH is my sister who lives out of state so she probably wont be very involved, as I was her MOH and wasn't terribly involved in her planning until the week prior. 

I've been a BM and an MOH before and the best thing I think I could do is be there to listen to venting. It gets old after a while but she's gonna need it because this is a lot of stress. Be as available as you can sanely be (because we all know some brides are REALLY needy) to help with miscellaneous tasks. After that it depends on the bride's personality. I kinda like being in control (and I'm ok admitting it) so I dont like delegating too much to others. But some girls really need people to step up and take charge sometimes.

I was a BM in my friends wedding this past summer and the day of we went to check her into her hotel room while she got us lunch. The hotel was giving us a hard time about early check in and so me and the other BMs had to really step it up and play hard ball with this woman at the counter, she was being really difficult. The hotel told the bride she'd be able to check in early and now they're giving us a hard time? I dont think so. THEN her room was a disaster and definitely hadn't been cleaned when they told us it was ready, so we traded her room with another' BM's so she wouldn't know or get more stressed and just let the front desk know they had work to do still in that room. We had a few other hiccups during the day that the other BMs and I managed to head off and not share with the bride util the next day when it was more laughable.

phut_action

ALSO at my sisters wedding, the groomsmen were kinda... lacking in the usefulness department. Luckily I had a toast prepared because the Best Man apparently wasn't going to do it and the groom didn't know until we were at the reception. Thank goodness my toast was pretty well rounded about them as a couple and not just about my sister! 

So just be prepared! Think ahead! There's an article on here for the brides day-of emergency kit which was super useful. We added Tums and Immodium AD, those oil-blotters from Neutrogena, foot powder, deodorant, and a few other items that we thought we would need.

http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-planning/diy-do-it-yourself-weddings/articles/the-brides-emergency-kit.aspx