Question about bridesmaid

katiej1218

Okay, so here's my issue. I've been engaged for a long time (since the middle of my sophomore year of college) and now that I've graduated, my fiance and I have finally set a date (July 13, 2013) and booked our venue. When I first got engaged, I told my friends the news and they were all very excited for me. I can't remember if I asked them to be bridesmaids or if they sort of assumed or what. Anyway, my best friend at college and I were super close, so we did talk about her being one of my bridesmaids and helping me with the wedding and so forth. Well, during my senior year, I lived at home and commuted to school. I saw her maybe a handful of times during fall semester and maybe two times during spring semester (I was only on campus once a week since I was student teaching). Well, I would always make a lot effort to get together with her and try to check in with her. Our friendship became pretty one-sided...I understand that we couldn't get together often because the times I was on campus weren't always convenient for her, but she never reaches out to me to see how I'm doing or anything like that. I began to feel like maybe our friendship isn't really a priority for her, or maybe she has just forgotten about me. I've had talks with her about it and it didn't really change anything. We're not on bad terms or anything like that, but I don't feel as close to her and now I'm unsure about whether I want her as my bridesmaid. Now that both of us have graduated, I don't know if our friendship will get stronger and I don't know if I want someone standing next to me that doesn't really put any effort into our friendship. I would of course still invite her to the wedding, but is it okay to go back on what I said before about her being a bridesmaid? I'm not really sure how to handle the situation. I know it would be rude to just confront her out of the blue about it...there's probably no easy way to do it.

longstrethvetrano

If she doesn't put much effort into your friendship now, you may have a hard time getting her to put forth much of an effort into helping you with the wedding and showers. If you have a friend you're closer to now and is active in your life you may be better off choosing her instead.

mbcdefg

If you've already asked someone to be a bridesmaid, then there's no graceful way or a way that won't make you come across to others as a jerk to kick her out of your bridal party. And no way to ensure that the friendship won't take a hit or even be destroyed. Lesson learned ... don't jump the gun.

Viczaesar

In Response to Re:Question about bridesmaid:[QUOTE]If she doesn't put much effort into your friendship now, you may have a hard time getting her to put forth much of an effort into helping you with the wedding and showers. If you have a friend you're closer to now and is active in your life you may be better off choosing her
instead. Posted by longstrethvetrano[/QUOTE]
She doesn't need to be involved in showers or wedding planning, and they shouldn't factor into this issue at all.

katiej1218

My concerns aren't about planning or showers or anything like that. It's more about just wanting an intimate wedding and wanting my closest friends to be the girls standing next to me on my wedding day. I'm not sure what I'm going to do, I'll wait to see if things get better. It's not like it would be the end of the world if she is one of my bridesmaids, she is still my friend. I just don't know how interested she is in my life nowadays.

aerinpegadrak

People don't change because you're getting married.  It doesn't bring strained friendships closer; if anything, it usually makes things worse. 

It's sad, but true that people do sometimes grow apart, and you're right, it's not the worst thing in the world if one of your bridesmaids is someone you're not all that close to anymore.  You can think of it as a way to honor the role she's played in your life, and as one last hurrah before you go your separate ways.

bratto06

I agree on that friendships usually get worse not stronger through something like a wedding...Feel it out in the end it is your day and yours alone if you dont want her up there just dont involve her in the BM's things 

starry08

The dynamics of college friendships change- especially if your group of friends move to their respective hometowns, accept jobs in far-off cities or states, etc.

I would say, give her the option of continuing to be your bridesmaid. Then it's up to her to evaluate her schedule and decide if she wants to make the commitment.