Too many Bridesmaids?

mishkamichelle

Hello,

I am getting married in February and have not yet asked my bridesmaids.  I have been so worried about hurting the feelings of those who I am not going to include, that I have not gotten myself to a point where I neeeed bridesmaids to help me out with things and I have none around to help. 

This is my plan - I thought I would run it by you fine ladies (and maybe a gent or two who may be on here) to see what you think.

I plan to have 8 bridesmaids.  I know - large number - and we are only having 6 groomsmen.
My MOH is my sister, and I also would like to ask my fiance's sister, a cousin from each side of the family (this is very important to me, to have included both sides of my family), my closest friend from University, my best friend, and two of my other very close friends whom I have known for at least 15 years and I actually speak to on a daily basis.  Sometimes more than once a day

Here lies my hesitation... There is one more girl who hangs out in my close group of friends who I like a lot, have even travelled with, but while I speak to my other friends daily - I maybe speak to her every 2 - 3 weeks, sometimes much longer then that, and I do not see her very often.  Only when all of us go out or get together for something big.  That being said, I know that if I needed her, she would be there for me.  I have already asked an amazing guy to be my MC, and I was thinking of asking her to be co-MC with him.  She is an eloquent speaker.  I do want her to be involved (but really, 9 bridesmaids?).  Thoughts?

Then there are two other girls who I have known for 27 years.  We went to pre-school together, grade school together, I was in one of their weddings about 5 years ago (the other is not married).  And while we may now go months without speaking (the married one has only met my fiance 2x in the past 4 years, and lives a few hours away), these are my oldest friends in the world.  We have never lost touch completely, and I see their families at Christmas even!  I think they are going to be very upset when they realize they aren't BMs.... But I was planning to ask them to read at the church, and then to do a joint speech at the wedding.  Thoughts?

The wedding itself will be about 320 people, so I hope 8 bridesmaids and 6 groomsmen isn't too crazy of a number. 

You folks are honest on here... Comment away please

Oh, and the way I am asking each one mentioned above is that I have written them each a very personal letter including a funny "how-to" book on being a bridesmaid for the BMs / MOH, and a small gift for the MC to be, and the two readers/speech givers. 

Thanks!

bablingbrooke

You are really, really overthinking this.

You don't need to make the asking into a production and I'd return the books.  "How To" books, even funny ones, have a funny little habit of being taken the wrong way.  The honor is in BEING asked, not in HOW they are asked.  I've been asked over the phone, casually over lunch, and via email.  I felt honored every time.

Knee-jerk reaction: Who do you want standing next to you when you say your vows?  That is your WP.  Don't think about numbers or symmetry or tit-for-tat or anything like that.  I think you'll find you'll be happiest using that methodology.  You don't "owe" anyone a spot in the WP, but if it would look bad to not ask someone (i.e. 5 of you hang out all the time and are really close but you only ask 4, or if you ask one sister but not the other, or FMIL and FSIL are bringing it up every 5 minutes and they're the type to hold a grudge), then I'd consider asking them.  I had the obligatory family member in the WP and no regrets.

As far as numbers go, I don't think there's anything wrong with it.  I once went to a wedding with 14 GM and 16 BMs, so by comparison I don't think yours is too big.  But remember that for every WP member you have to buy an extra bouquet, an extra plate at the RD (plus their SO), an extra gift, etc.  Just bear that in mind--it wouldn't do well to realize that a month before the wedding and try to find a way around paying for these extra things (there is none that doesn't make you look bad).  Good luck!

trix1223

What brooke said.

heyimbren

8 bridesmaids is a larger number, but it's fine. And then 9 bridesmaids is only one more than 8... so not too much of a difference. Same with 10. But I do think you need to draw the line somewhere, you can't always be thinking "oh but this is my best friend from kindergarten...". You'll just drive yourself crazy.

Also, it'll be great if they offer to help you out with things, but remember that they do not have to by any means. If you ask them and they're willing and able to help, then that's fantastic. But don't expect them to do certain things for you- it doesn't always work out well in the end.

I also don't see any problem with asking people to be a reader or an MC.