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Thanks to ALL for your advice!

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Re: Thanks to ALL for your advice!

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    Did she have any input on the dress and has it been purchased yet?
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    let it go, she bought it.. who cares if she hates it or not... not everyone loves their bm dress
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    Why should you love that she hates it?

    I disagree that BMs should have no input on their dress.  They are the ones purchasing and wearing it.  It doesn't need to be their favorite dress ever, but where possible it also shouldn't be something that makes them uncomfortable or emphasizes their perceived body flaws.
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    In some weddings, the MOH wears a different style dress than the other bridesmaids. Maybe the store will let her put it towards a different dress. Or you could suggest she take it to a seamstress, who could help her alter it more to to her liking.
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    She should have spoken up and said something. Call the bridal shop and first see if there is anything you cando. They may be able to order a different dress in the same color for the MOH or something. That wouldn't look strange at all; I've seen it many times.

    If they can do something like this just say "cousin, how do you feel about the BM dress? Are you comfortable with it?" If she yes, just leave it. She obviously doesn't care enough to speak up. If she says no, then give her the options you discussed with the bridal shop.
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    Maybe she told you it was pretty because she wanted to make you happy and go along with what you want for your wedding.  Maybe she thought she was telling your aunt in confidence how she felt and/or maybe your aunt overdramatized a bit.  If she hasn't said anything to you and is willing to wear the dress you picked out on your wedding day, I'd move on. 
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_not-sure-handle?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:5fcee899-cda1-4253-b1a4-2bb512e8d95fPost:7f3e374f-0b42-47bb-9ea6-2202f688edc6">Re: Not sure how to handle...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Correction: This ISNT her first issue! Sorry....typo's tonight! lol. Its an extremely flattering dress. In fact I girls of ALL sizes. She has even said, "well this dress will not look good with my hari, and make me look mousey" I mean who says that?!?
    Posted by emeraldeyez5191[/QUOTE]

    Who did she say that to?  I thought you said you had heard this third person.

    If she was saying it to the other person, and not to you, perhaps she said it because it will not look good with her hair and will make her look mousy?  And be careful about taking information from third person sources.  You don't know exactly what words or tone she used, or in what context the words were said, if they were even said at all. 



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    You may think it's a flattering dress, but if she doesn't feel comfortable in it, that's what really matters, and that's what will show in the pictures.  Also, frankly, if you dislike this girl as much as your post implies, why is she your maid of honor?  Because this really isn't how people should be treating their closest friends.
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    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
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    You may think it's great, but some people have their own issues with colors.

    My own hairdresser said, "Oh I'm in a wedding and she's putting us in this awful green color!"

    Just because you like the color doesn't mean they do.  Remember, you are asking them to do these things for you - they should like it.

    Personally, I'm not a fan of choosing dresses in crazy colors.  It's a recipe for disaster on your friends if they have different skin tones.  I'm a much bigger fan of dresses in neutrals with accent colors of flowers and sashes.

    But did you ever ask what they thought of the color?  If they're buying it, they should get some say.

    Just out of curiosity, what IS the color?
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    Also, keep in mind that she may be talking about the dress to someone else because she doesnt't want to hurt your feelings.  Most people I know don't want to hurt the feelings of the bride so they don't tell her their honest feelings because they don't want to hurt her.
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    It actually is good to put your BMs feelings first.

    I like bronze shoes but would probably look bad in a brownish bronze dress, FWIW.  A lot of people have colors that are difficult for them to wear.

    But since the dress is purchased and she probably didn't tell you directly so she woudln't hurt your feelings, just let it go.
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    Everything is not about what the bride wants.  If it is a true elopement with only the bride and groom present, than it is about what the bride and groom want.  Otherwise, they need to keep their wedding party, family and friends in mind when it comes to things that impact their happiness and how they are treated.

    No, you can't please everyone, so you please as many as possible or just try to keep people from being in attire that looks bad on them.
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    Well, a wedding can't be all about the bride.  It takes two people to get married, so it is about the bride and groom.  But when you start including other people, you have to take their feelings into consideration or be forever remembered as a bridezilla.  It's really not that hard to balance your own vision for your wedding with consideration for those involved.

    I think the whole "I want this to be all about MEEEEE" attitude that's out there is just really sad.
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    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
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    I would just pretend you never heard it.  If she was just going to wear the dress, let her wear the dress.  She will get over it.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_not-sure-handle?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:5fcee899-cda1-4253-b1a4-2bb512e8d95fPost:8aa90858-96e8-479b-86cc-d0e543d9c6ab">Re: Not sure how to handle...</a>:
    [QUOTE]But don't ya think, there will ALWAYS be at least 1 person unhappy? How can I possibly please all of them? They all love them (well from what I gather, now I am not sure). I just makes me sad, that she is going to be trying to enjoy the night in what she thinks is an ugly dress! I was in a wedding (well a couple acutally), I HATED the dress, but just SUCKED it up, and had a blast. And I would have NEVER even let them think for 1 second I didnt like the dress, cause I knew it would hurt her feelings. Isnt it suppose to be about what the bride wants?
    Posted by emeraldeyez5191[/QUOTE]

    Some people are incapable of being pleased.  BUT, you should do your best to please them.

    And it sounds like your friend IS sucking it up.  She's not telling you that she hates the dress.
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    No, the wedding is not supposed to be about what the bride wants and only what she wants.  They're spending the money and have to wear it--they should get a say.  And it's alarming to me that what the bride wants is making her closest friend miserable.  Is that really what you want, bride?

    Just because you CAN make your BFF wear a dress she hates doesn't mean you SHOULD.

    FWIW, when my BMs hated the color I had picked, they proposed a new one that I loved even more but hadn't even thought of.  I'm glad I listened to them--everyone was happier for it.  Yes, I could have forced my original choice on them and they would have worn it and not complained.  But I'm glad I kept my mind open.  I'm also still very much on speaking terms with everyone.  I cannot say that about every bride I've been a BM for.
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    If she hasn't said anything directly too your face about not liking the dress I would just let it go. Don't corner her and ask her about it (unless you want to get your aunt in trouble for blabbing)...just let it go. You can't please everyone and if she's not got enough guts to talk to you about it there's really nothing you can do.
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    Who was cruel to you?
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    [QUOTE]I just want to THANK everyone that really gave me good advice and helped. Just to clear up, I NEVER asked anyone to agree with me, I'm pretty sure that is why I asked for some advice! There were some people that were just SO cruel with your answers! I won't mention any names..I thought this website would really assist me, but I feel that hard negativity is not really what I was looking for. By no means did i want every post to agree with me. I was looking for a spectrum of both ends, because maybe I was just overreacting a little. But when someone tells you they LOVE the color from the get go, (even though you ask is there anyone that would rather keep looking) and 3.5months before the wedding, I hear she hates it, there really isn't much I can do! But again, thank you all who were very helpful! Good Luck to all the brides on here. I
    Posted by emeraldeyez5191[/QUOTE]
    There's not always a spectrum of answers.  But no one was cruel.
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    Stage's response wasn't cruel.  You were posting over and over about how you were right and the MOH was wrong and you weren't listening to what everyone else was trying to tell you.  Anyone could get frustrated reading that.  And Stage is the least bitter person I know!

    Cruel responses would be hurling insults at you, wishing that your marriage would go poorly, etc.  Blunt responses are not cruel.  Sarcastic responses are not cruel.  You have very much sent a message that you do not like responses that do not tell you what you want to hear.  Fine, you don't have to take advice that you get.  But to go around crying that people were cruel to you is unfair.
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    aerinpegadrakaerinpegadrak member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited July 2010
    How could anyone get the impression that you don't like this girl?  Couldn't at all be that you said that "you love that she hates the dress," or that you're belittling her reasons for feeling uncomfortable, could it?  No, it's probably that total strangers decided out of the blue that they just wanted to pick on you.  That makes much more sense.
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    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
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    LD1970LD1970 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    Did OP delete a bunch of her responses?  Some of this conversation doesn't make sense now, like there's stuff missing.
    You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough. ~Mae West
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    Yeah I had a post on page 2 that is now on page 1. 
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    "I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.

    A word of warning from your friends at Cracked.com: Remember that text is going to be how you make your first impression over the internet; if every third word you type is misspelled, people will automatically assume that you're a moron.
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    And yes, she changed what she said in a few of them.  More rational now.
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    "I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.

    A word of warning from your friends at Cracked.com: Remember that text is going to be how you make your first impression over the internet; if every third word you type is misspelled, people will automatically assume that you're a moron.
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    The dark side of the edit and delete buttons. 
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

    image
    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
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    LD1970LD1970 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    Only in terms of fixing your typos and adding stuff if you forgot to make a point you wanted to make.
    You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough. ~Mae West
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    Yeah, I go back to fix typos and clarify posts all the time, though I usually do it right after I hit post.
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

    image
    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
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