Wedding Party

who pays for bridesmaids?

My situation is a little difficult because I was raised in a bi-cultural environment.  The older generation (my parents, aunts, uncles) were born in Vietnam, but the younger generation (me, my sisters, my cousins) were born and raised American.  So when it comes to my wedding, there's a little bit of a culture difference.  I've decided to lean more towards a traditional American wedding with some minor Vietnamese accents, however, I'm not sure if other members of my wedding party are clear on the rules.  I'm going bridesmaid and flower girl dress shopping tomorrow.  My sisters are my bridesmaids as well as my 16 year old cousin (a junior bridesmaid).  My two young cousins, 8 and 9, are my flower girls.  In Vietnamese tradition, the bride's family pays for bridesmaid and flower girl clothes.  According to American tradition, the bridal party pays for their own attire, which is something I'm going with because we're on a tight budget.  However, my cousins' mothers are under the impression that my family is footing the bill.  What is a tactful way for me to break the news to them that they're paying for their own attire?  I have a really huge extended family that tends to be easily offended and gossip a lot.  I don't want a reputation as a bridezilla, but can't afford to say yes either.  To be fair, my cousins' families are very well off so it really wouldn't hurt their wallets either, but I still want to approach the situation as sensitively as possible.  Any advice?

Re: who pays for bridesmaids?

  • Ask the mothers what their dress budgets are, they'll get the idea.  Or, for the flower girls, just tell them your wedding colors and ask them to get something that makes the girls feel pretty.  Hopefully, if they've been raising their children more in typical U.S. culture than Vietnamese culture, it won't be too big of a deal.  People get weird about weddings, though.
  • That's a very nice and subtle way of getting the message across, thanks for the advice, I think I'll give that a try.  You're right about people getting weird about weddings, though.  This is currently the least of my problems.
  • Ditto gottahaveshorti.  Talk to the mothers of the children and say, "Please let me know what your budget is for the girls dresses."


  • Well, we went looking today and didn't really choose anything yet, but I chickened out and didn't really say anything, however the subject of "who pays" never came up either.  I guess I'm in the clear...for now.
  • One other thing: Just call the 16 year old a bridesmaid...she does the same. exact. thing. as the rest of the bridesmaids. Just sayin'
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  • You're not in the clear.  You need to take the initiative or you'll be expected to pay for attire based on how it sounds.

    Just call up people individually .  "Hey, next time we shop, I just want to know what your budget is so we can look in the right price range."


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