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What did you do wrong?

I don't think there has been one of these polls in a while and since it seems like we have a lot of new ladies, I thought I put one up so they know that we don't see ourselves as perfect.

So in terms of WP, what faux pas did you commit?
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Repeat this to your self: My Wedding Party is made of my family and friends and I should treat them as such.

Re: What did you do wrong?

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    I picked the bridesmaid dress without any input from my bridesmaids.  I didn't ask if they liked it or even what their price range was before I picked it.  Luckily it was only $50 and everyone could afford it and luckily it look great on everyone.  If I could go back, this is the one thing I would change about my wedding.

    I also originally bought all of my bm's a pearl earing/necklace set.  Basically I was doing what I thought I was suppose to do.  I later found these boards, realized the folly in my plan, and returned all the pearls (even though I lost $40 in the process since it had been so long).  I'm so glad I returned them and got everyone something that they wanted.

    I don't know if this one really counts, but I picked the hair salon that each girl would get her hair done at.  (I offered to pay and almost everyone took me up).  In hindsight I wish I would have asked the ladies for any preferences they might have had.
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    Repeat this to your self: My Wedding Party is made of my family and friends and I should treat them as such.
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    I'm not married yet, so there's still time...  Tongue out

    I picked the dress without asking the girls anything about their preferences or letting them try anything on.  (Since they are all in different states a group shopping trip wouldn't have been possible.)  I did send it to the honor attendants first and found a new (similar) dress when MOH said she wanted something with straps, and I had no problem with SIL wearing a bolero with the dress, but I really didn't ask for any input.  I figured it was ok since I was paying for the dresses, and maybe it was, but... meh.

    I also feel a little bad that I told MOH I didn't want a shower and then my mom insisted so she and FMIL and my aunt ended up planning one and MOH didn't get to be involved.
    Married 10/2/10
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    WP related, I almost wish I hadn't let FI go crazy with picking his GM.  We had 7 GM on his side, and my brothers on mine, along with my four BMs.  Every single person that was in the WP was important to us, but yeesh, it was a LOT of people. 

    Kind of BM related, I wish I had kept looking for another hair dresser to do our hair the day of (but couldn't afford another $60 consultation a month before the wedding!).  The day of my consult, the owner's two kids and DOG were there bc the babysitter bailed.  She was really nice, but the whole time everyone gossiped about girls that worked there but weren't there at the time, and the day of, TWO of the hair dressers didn't show up.  So it was the owner and the other girl, and she ended up being practically straight from beauty school, and had no idea what she was doing.  Needless to say, it was pretty disastrous, but it's funny now.

    Just to throw it in- best thing we did was take pics before the wedding.  We wouldn't have had time to do them all after the ceremony. 
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    I asked really early. Not that I want to kick anyone out but I probably wouldn't have included my SIL. We aren't that close and I was doing it to be nice. She had been complaining about how she didn't feel like part of the family so I asked her so that she would.

    I would have asked for their budgets individually before picking a dress. I'm a cheapo so I chose a really cheap dress anyways but I also let everyone know that if they were having a hard time making the payment I would help out. No one has needed help and everyone loved the dress. I sent them choices and they actually picked the most expensive one out of the choices because they liked the style. It still could have been a burden. If I had a redo I would ask.
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    I asked early.  There haven't been any problems, but I still did ask WAY before I should have.

    And I worried constantly about whether or not my last BM would get her dress.  She's getting it tomorrow.  I should have just STFU and let it be.
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    I had a WP dance.  Yes, I know.  I didn't want it but FI insisted.  It was actually half way through our first dance.  They didn't want to but they did it for us.  
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    I didn't ask my girls for their budgets before we looked at BM dresses. I did keep it as reasonable as possible, though, and gave them several different style options - turns out they all liked the same style since it proved to be incredibly flattering on all 4 of them. They looked absolutely stunning it in (floor length, strapless, A-line dress from DB). 
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    I didn't ask for a dress budget either. But they were being so difficult about the style that I didn't really care anymore. I found a really nice Dessy dress for about $120 and they all got 10% off because it came from the same store where I bought my wedding gown, so at least I saved them some money!
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    I still have almost a year, so hopefully I won't commit any major faux pas from here on out. 

    But, I wish M and I had talked more about who we wanted on each side--not for it to be even, but to keep it under control.  As soon as we got engaged 6 months ago, he ran off and asked 2-3 GM, and I'm kind of thinking he's going to wind up with everyone he's ever been friends with on his side.  Eh, at least I like all his friends. :-)

    I also asked most of my BMs right before the year mark, but I knew they were getting antsy, and I can't imagine there are going to be any problems. 
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    I asked early, kind of.  My sister was a given and another put me on the spot before I was engaged.  I didn't know it was okay to say that I didn't have a clue yet.  So I went ahead and asked the other BM and that was more of an "of course you're in the wedding."  At that point we thought the wedding was 1 year away and not 2.

    I didn't realize uneven sides were okay.  It was just something I'd never thought about.  We did know we wanted to keep the WP small to save money, though, and if we went for a slightly larger WP we probably would have had 3-4 more on each side and doubled our WP size.  The other ones we ended up not asking were must-invites for our b-parties.

    We didn't consult about attire costs.  I just never thought to do so for the BMs.  I searched hard but didn't find any non-bridal lines that either had one dress I thought would either work for everyones' bodies or had multiple options in one color that I thought they'd actually like, so I tried to keep it to the equivalent of DB prices.  Since they were choosing their own dresses, I figured they'd look at the price tags when trying on, but they didn't.  DH had the GM get a $6 pocket square and tie of their choice to wear with their own suits.  It seemed silly to consult them about attire under $20.

    We didn't do WP dates.  I don't agree that they're a requirement for various reasons and +1s just didn't fit into our venue limits.  There was no one else to cut from the guest list to allow +1s and I couldn't find anything etiquette based saying they were necessary, only knotties' opinions.
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    Eek, I'm very WP sinful.
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    After way too many cocktails I mentioned being a bridesmaid to a friend I'm not as close with anymore (I was feeling all warm and fuzzy inside).  She's a good friend, but I kinda wanted a smaller wedding party.
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    megk8ozmegk8oz member
    First Comment
    edited July 2010

    We asked people literally within hours of getting engaged. But we only had my sisters, his sister, my brother and his 2 closest friends (Like they've been best friends since high school and he considers them "brothers"). You know how I always ask people "Is having the sibling in the WP going to save you a ton of drama every Thanksgiving for as long as you both shall live?" ... yeah, I'm in (and married into) a family were we spared ourselves a huge headache by making the choices we did.

    We also did matching gifts, buy post-wedding we fixed it. The guys were given pocket watches, and the girls were given BM jewelry. The original plan (Which I had mentioned) was to give everybody gift cards to their favorite restaurants, but at the last minute, we had a budget mishap and we just couldn't afford to do it.

    But we do know we "did bad" with that (Obviously, I was a reg here at that point), so after we got back from the HM we took each person (And their S/O) out to dinner at the place that we would have gotten them a gift card for.


    If you fire a WP member, you're against America.
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    megk8ozmegk8oz member
    First Comment
    edited July 2010
    Oh, I also sort of had a "This is why you're not a BM" conversation. No surprises, but it was my BSC friend that really kept pressing for me to ask her. I told her I wasn't adding people, I kept up with the bean dip and eventually started avoiding her entirely, but we still invited her and her husband (Who we still like, lol) to the wedding.

    At my shower she actually tried to push the issue again. My shower was the week before Thanksgiving, so I was less than 2 months out at that point.

    I know everything about this moment was so completely wrong, but I finally just said to her "Look, it's nothing personal, but we have even sides, I really just can't add anybody else at this point". She actually was like "Oh, I didn't know. Yeah, you really can't have uneven sides" and she finally dropped it after that (FYI, when she got married, she found a friend that she wanted to include after the WP had been selected, so she had her husband ask DH to be a GM just to balance the sides out).

    My only justification (Besides her being such a pain in my @$$ about it) is that it was my effin shower. Who the hell really tries to pigeon-hole the bride into asking them to be in her WP at the bridal shower? Plus, even with my lame reasoning, it was way better than telling her "I just don't like you, get over it!", lol.

    If you fire a WP member, you're against America.
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    "Meg cracks me up on the regular. Now she gets to do it in two different forums. Yay!!" ~mkrupar
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    I didn't ask my BMs individually for their budget, but I did try to find the cheapest dresses possible. 

    I also mentioned a bridal shower to two of my bridesmaids.  And I posted a wedding website on my facebook before I even set a date.
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    murrayed
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    I kicked out my sister after a fight we had.  Then I apologized and told her I really wanted her to be in my wedding.  Then she said, No.  Then we figured all that crap out and it all worked out in the end.

    Other than that - nothing.  I didn't ask them to do anything.  I let them pick their dress, shoes,  jewelry, whatever. 
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    We asked our WP really early...however, in my defense, our BM and GM are all either family (his sisters are BMs, my brother is a GM) and very good friends we've had for years...I have a few doubts about one of my BMs (I asked her when we were out and slightly inebriated and it's not that she's not a good friend, but I hadn't planned to ask her...) but I figure I'll count on her being there and if she decides that she can't do it, I'm more than happy to have her there as a guest :) I'm not worried about uneven sides or anything, so it's not a huge deal...
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    filawfilaw member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
    We asked our 12 person wedding party at about a year out. which I guess was technically "wrong".

    No regrets tho.  I'd already been engaged for almost 2 years, had a deposit on the venue on our date for several months, and was so freaking antsy to ask the people that pretty much everyone already knew were going to be in the WP anyway.  So I'm glad I just asked.
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    I asked all the girls to wear their hair up.  I didn't make them get an updo at the salon, but I told them that I wanted it up.

    I also made them jewelry as part of their gift.
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    I asked my MOH almost 2 years before the wedding date.  I wanted to ask in person, and I didn't know when I'd see her again.  She still doesn't know if she'll be in the country (another reason I asked so eary), but I don't regret asking her early.

    I haven't asked about dress budgets either.  I know I don't need to choose a dress yet, but I'm keeping my eyes open for dresses I like that are under $100.

    I don't know if this is wrong, but...One of my BMs was saying that she'd probably make the BM dresses when she gets married (2 or 3 years away, not engaged yet).  I said she could make the dresses for my wedding if she'd like.  She said she's not comfortable making something fancy for other people yet.  (The only item she's made for someone besides herself was a jacket for her mom.)  She's going to practing drapping and making corsets, so I'll just enjoy seeing what she makes for herself!
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    I asked way early.  I then sent out a LONG and rambling email talking about all of the details and ideas I had.  I'm really embarrassed about that now, especially because, a few months later, we had to pretty much toss everything out and start over.  Had I not already asked all of my bridesmaids, I probably would have just worn my awesome dress to the courthouse.

    I remember posting at one point about eight months out fretting that no one had picked out their dresses yet.  I only told them to wear black, it wasn't like it was difficult (well, except for my MOH and her BFF, but that was because both are plus-sized and were on a tight budget, not a good combination), but for some reason I was stressing over it.  Thankfully, the ladies knocked some sense into me.

    I also asked the groomswoman to get a specific style of shoe to match the guys.  She was agreeable to it, though the pair she brought to the wedding wasn't quite what I'd asked for.  Luckily, by that point I didn't care.
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    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
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    I asked my ladies to have their hair up.  Even though I paid, I think this was definitely zilla-ish when I look back.

    I asked my ladies to pick their own silver shoes.  You couldn't see them anyway at any point.  Should have truly let them pick what they wanted.

    I thought sides needed to be even.  This really didn't change much though as I think my wedding party would have been the same.  We may have just kept it siblings though.

    I asked everyone a little early- about 10 months before.  Thankfully this worked out for us.
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    I never asked my BMs what was in their budget for dresses.  I had never been asked before, I was always just told this is the dress.  I never knew until on here that you should ask them all.  Luckily the dresses they got were $135 which they all thought was really cheap.  And I feel like I sort of made up for that by letting them pick the dress they wanted out of a few styles from the matching DB line.  So at least they are all really happy with their dresses.

    I also never knew about mixed gender WP until after we had chosen and asked our WP and everyone knew, so it was past the point of asking anyone else.  Had I really ever thought of having a mixed gender party I probably would have put my brother on my side. 

    And I did want even sides, but more because I used them as an excuse not to have people in the wedding I didn't want.  My mom thought I should add a cousin I didn't want "because it would make them happy," and I said I couldn't because FI didn't have another guy to ask. 
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_did-wrong?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:62684753-0d21-40bc-96a4-658216db403bPost:41d8c426-7318-4d0a-a96d-fb5fb920481d">Re: What did you do wrong?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Oh, I also sort of had a "This is why you're not a BM" conversation. No surprises, but it was my BSC friend that really kept pressing for me to ask her. I told her I wasn't adding people, I kept up with the bean dip and eventually started avoiding her entirely, but we still invited her and her husband (Who we still like, lol) to the wedding. At my shower she actually tried to push the issue again. My shower was the week before Thanksgiving, so I was less than 2 months out at that point. I know everything about this moment was so completely wrong, but I finally just said to her "Look, it's nothing personal, but we have even sides, I really just can't add anybody else at this point". She actually was like "Oh, I didn't know. Yeah, you really can't have uneven sides" and she finally dropped it after that (FYI, when she got married, she found a friend that she wanted to include after the WP had been selected, so she had her husband ask DH to be a GM just to balance the sides out). My only justification (Besides her being such a pain in my @$$ about it) is that it was my effin shower . Who the hell really tries to pigeon-hole the bride into asking them to be in her WP at the bridal shower? Plus, even with my lame reasoning, it was way better than telling her "I just don't like you, get over it!", lol.
    Posted by megk8oz[/QUOTE]

    I can't believe that she would go that crazy asking to be in your wedding.  You'd think she would get the hint after the first time.  Kudos to you for not bending, because i probably would have gotten so sick of it that i just said okay to her.
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    I asked my wedding party WAY WAY too early. Like, the day I got engaged...3 years ago, lol. No biggie, it is my sister, FSIL and BFF, so I haven't ever had any huge issues.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_did-wrong?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:62684753-0d21-40bc-96a4-658216db403bPost:5760a0f9-4e64-4d4e-aedd-7918a032bf87">Re: What did you do wrong?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: What did you do wrong? : I can't believe that she would go that crazy asking to be in your wedding.  You'd think she would get the hint after the first time.  Kudos to you for not bending, because i probably would have gotten so sick of it that i just said okay to her.
    Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]

    Some of the regs will remember this but my friend was hell bent on getting into my WP ... and I still really don't know why. My guess is that she's never been a BM and since her wedding, 3 of her 5 BMs (Including me) have gotten engaged/married and nobody asked her to be in theirs. But she was such a nightmare of a bride, that nobody really wanted anything to do with her after her wedding.

    But the good ladies here told me I wasn't obligated to ask her and gave me a place to vent when she got on my nerves. I'm so glad I didn't cave. I definitely would have regretted it if I'd backed down.

    If you fire a WP member, you're against America.
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