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Breaking up with a Bridesmaid

I know I have a LOT of time before my wedding but I'm having a problem with one of my bridesmaids. Lately we've been growing apart and she doesn't really seem to care about anything having to do with the wedding. Even though I have so long to go I'm really excited about it and want to talk to someone about all my thoughts and plans and she's the only one of my BM's in Florida where I live (the rest are up north where I'm from) and she ignores me or gives me an attitude every time I try to bring it up. I'm really starting to not want her anywhere near my wedding but I don't know if I'm just over reacting or if I need to find some way to get rid of her without hurting her feelings.

Re: Breaking up with a Bridesmaid

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    You're overreacting. Big time. There are a lot of threads on this board about people wanting to kick out their BM/MOH because they aren't excited enough about the wedding. That's just silly. Is your friend somehow less important than wedding plans?

    Take your wedding out of this. Is there a problem with your friendship? It's completely possible that she's just not a wedding person so you talking to her about it all the time is the only problem. No one is going to be as excited about your wedding as you are, so remember that during your planning process.

    Also, I think you asked your WP way too early, so be careful not to inundate them with all things wedding during the next year and a piece. It's not their responsiblity to be excited about your wedding, and quite honestly, if you're bombarding this poor girl with every little detail about it, she's probably going to get burned out the minute you open your mouth.

    Just relax, plan your wedding with your fiance and talk to him about details, and let this girl be a bridesmaid. Get the idea of kicking her out of your WP out of your head, because she's your friend. It's a hugely public slight to kick her out and will reflect badly on you.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_breaking-up-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:6402ac13-104c-43ba-99ee-f65e49694e78Post:44773456-3b64-403a-a921-0b2d44e83a86">Breaking up with a Bridesmaid</a>:
    [QUOTE]I know I have a LOT of time before my wedding but I'm having a problem with one of my bridesmaids. Lately we've been growing apart and she doesn't really seem to care about anything having to do with the wedding. Even though I have so long to go I'm really excited about it and want to talk to someone about all my thoughts and plans and she's the only one of my BM's in Florida where I live (the rest are up north where I'm from) and she ignores me or gives me an attitude every time I try to bring it up. I'm really starting to not want her anywhere near my wedding but I don't know if I'm just over reacting or if I need to find some way to get rid of her without hurting her feelings.
    Posted by Jasonbride[/QUOTE]

    JIC
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    Are you always starting conversations about the wedding? 

    Make sure that you're also asking about HER.  You're getting married and that's very exciting but you have to remember that she's still going to live her life for the next year plus until your wedding.  Remember to be excited and invested in her life just as you want her to be invested and excited in your life.  That means not talking wedding details all the time or things will be on overload for your friends.

    My advice: lay off the wedding talk and just focus on your friendship with her for a while.
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    If you want to talk about your wedding, may I suggest that you talk to your FI?  He's undoubtedly more interested than anyone else would or should be.

    Please understand, NO ONE will be as interested in your wedding as you will be.  As soon as you accept that, and begin to live it, your life will be much smoother.

    And may I ask~do you ever ask your friend about what's going on in her life?  Because brides (and pregnant women, and new moms) often get so wrapped up in this big life event that they monopolize conversations, hijack discussions, and forget that a simple "Hey, how's work going with your new boss?" works wonders.

    As for the bridesmaids who arent' local.....gee, if only there were some kind of communication method where you could get in touch with people who live far away from you.  boy, an invention like that could really help.

    Bottom line:  your wedding is 15 months away.  YOU'RE going to get bored with wedding planning and it's your wedding.  Give your friend a break.  She doesn't have to be interested and excited 24/7~it's not her wedding.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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    One-issue friends are annoying.  I ended up hiding my brother from my Facebook news feed because his numerous posts were all just rants against anyone who wasn't Microsoft or George Bush, and I didn't want to deal with it anymore.  It doesn't matter what the one thing is, but when a person will talk about nothing else, it's tiresome.  If you've become all-wedding-all-the-time, it's not remotely surprising that she's not interested.  The more you talk about it, the less people care.

    Aside from that, some people just don't do weddings.  It's not a judgment on you, it's just that they're not interested in general.  If your BM is like that, it doesn't matter how much she loves your or how much she supports your marriage, she doesn't care about the damn party and nothing's going to change that.  And that's fine, she's entitled to feel that way.

    Try talking to her about the things you talked about before you got engaged.  Try asking about HER and what's going on in her life.  If she engages, then just stop talking about the wedding with her.  If she's still distant, then you have a problem with your friendship.  Either way, this isn't a "bridesmaid problem."
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

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    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
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    bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited July 2010
    No one likes a "single issue friend."  Yes, the wedding is a big deal and you're excited.  But that doesnt' mean that other people, even your BMs, are just as excited to hear you narrow down your menu options or listen to you agonize about different shades of peach.  These are big deals to YOU, but not to anyone else.  It doesn't mean she doesn't want to be in the wedding or that she doesn't support the marriage, but that hearing about the details is boring.  I have a good friend getting married later this year; I love her and I'm excited for her.  But my eyes do start to glaze over every time she starts going on and on about the details.  She figures I'm interested because I already got married, but I do find myself changing the subject after about 10-15 minutes.  And I'm only listening that long to be polite.

    You're wondering where your friend went?  She's wondering where her friend went!  All she hears about is wedding wedding wedding.  Have you called to ask about her lately?  You both have other interesting things going on in your lives you can talk about--work, school, gossip, hobbies, etc.  Try not bringing up the wedding with ANYONE for awhile.  You are probably bringing it up a LOT more than you realize.  If you want to talk about the wedding all the time, you're going to burn everyone out long before the date and then no one will be excited when it really counts!  Remember that this is just a party--the marriage is long after.  Yes, it's a big deal, but don't forget that it's still a party.  Does it make sense for ANYONE to talk this much about the details of a party?

    If you do get the urge to bring up the wedding a lot and bounce ideas off of people, go to your local board.  That's what they're for.  But anyone THIS focused on the wedding with THIS much time to go needs to take a step back and get a bit of perspective.  Your wedding is starting to alienate you from others.  That's not a good sign.  It means you're probably taking it a little too seriously.
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    Your wedding is a year and a half away.  No-one wants to continuously hear about your wedding for that long.   You chose your WP way too early, and it would look really bad if you "break up" with your bridesmaid.

    Please read all the other posts that refer to demoting or firing wedding party members.
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    Don't try to talk about the wedding with her.  Problem solved.
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    Thanks very much for all your input. I have a problem over analyzing things and you're all right about it being too early and everything. Thanks so much!
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    Smart woman.  Good luck and hang around.  We like people who can take well-meant advice.
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    I'm having a similar issue with one of my bridesmaids.  She and I were best friends when we lived together 2 years ago, but when she moved out last year, she's been drifting further and further from being a friend to me.  I know she's busy with her job and boyfriend (as we all can be!), but she is horrible at calling or texting me back, and I honestly haven't had a real conversation with her in months!  We were super close before, but I'm starting to resent her.  And trust me, the few times we do talk, I only discuss wedding plans, if she brings it up first.  I know I just need to let go of my resentment towards her and just accept that she isn't ever going to be a key person in my life again, but it's sad to think of how much we've drifted in just a year and that I don't really even care if she's at my wedding at all!  (I did bring this up to her a few months ago--just how I miss talking to her on a regular basis--and things have only gotten worse, if anything.)  Do I just let her be in my wedding and pretend I'm happy she'll at least be my friend that day?  Or do I talk to her again and possibly consider having her not be part of the wedding party?
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