Groomsman doesn't want to rent a tux...

forreallyserious

DF's best friend and his fiance are planning to surprise him by coming to our destination wedding. They plan on showing up unannounced (to him) at our rehearsal dinner the night before the ceremony. What he still won't know is that his friend's fiance is going to be my MOH. Now his friend is thinking about surprising him further by walking down the aisle as a groomsman. Right now our bridal party consists of DF's brother and my surprise MOH. DF thinks my brother is standing up as my "maid of honor". If his friend ends up in the bridal party, my brother will be on my side. However, after finding out the price of renting a tux, he wants to wear his dress blues (he's a marine). I think it would be tacky for a groomsman to be in blues while everyone else is in a black tux... But I don't want to hurt his feelings and tell him no because I don't think he can afford the rental... What do I do??? What would YOU do?

Peledreamsofrain

I think it's depressing that anyone considers a service uniform to be tacky.  That's a poor trade for defending our freedom.

Maggie0829

You are kidding me right?  You are saying that his dress blues, a Marine uniform, is tacky?



ETA:  Oh just saw your screen name.  You must be "for really serious"...the answer to your question is, LET HIM WEAR HIS UNIFORM!

forreallyserious

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_groomsmen-doesnt-want-to-rent-a-tux?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:67047cd0-655d-43a2-b9cb-a8fccb4c8c6cPost:a4454c12-a650-4d3e-a712-835a8f203b10">Re: Groomsman doesn't want to rent a tux...</a>:
[QUOTE]I think it's depressing that anyone considers a service uniform to be tacky.  That's a poor trade for defending our freedom.
Posted by Peledreamsofrain[/QUOTE]

<div>I didn't say dress blues were tacky! I'm prior Air Force and have a pair of my own! I meant is it tacky to have 3 men in matching tuxes and one guy in dress blues. </div>

forreallyserious

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_groomsmen-doesnt-want-to-rent-a-tux?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:67047cd0-655d-43a2-b9cb-a8fccb4c8c6cPost:deccacd5-8771-4d0b-8f3d-33f3b4eb37c4">Re: Groomsman doesn't want to rent a tux...</a>:
[QUOTE]You are kidding me right?  You are saying that his dress blues, a Marine uniform, is tacky? ETA:  Oh just saw your screen name.  You must be "for really serious"...the answer to your question is, LET HIM WEAR HIS UNIFORM!
Posted by Maggie0829[/QUOTE]

See above. Prior military here. Never said dress blues in themselves were tacky. 

aerinpegadrak

You're 100% wrong.  Dress blues are very formal and appropriate for any occasion, regardless of what anyone else is wearing.  Further, what the groomsmen wear is up to the groom.

I think the surprise groomsman thing isn't a good idea, though.  The choice of a wedding party is a very personal thing, and I wouldn't want to find out the day before the wedding that I was going to be having another attendant, even if it were a very good friend.

Maggie0829

Since you are prior military then you should realize what you are asking is completely silly and ridiculous.  Dress uniforms are formal, tuxes are formal, thus they will not look tacky standing next to each other.

Oh and I agree with PP about the surprise groomsman is a bad idea.  Did your FI originally want this person to be in his wedding party and the guy couldn't because of his schedule?  Or did your FI not ask him at all?  If your FI did not ask him then you shouldn't throw it at him the day before the wedding.

ETA:  And is anyone as tired as I am about the overuse of the word tacky?  Hardly anyone uses is right!

GoodLuckBear14

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_groomsmen-doesnt-want-to-rent-a-tux?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:67047cd0-655d-43a2-b9cb-a8fccb4c8c6cPost:fb327040-637b-45ad-9b6b-1cf4c7c56741">Groomsman doesn't want to rent a tux...</a>:
[QUOTE]DF's best friend and his fiance are planning to surprise him by coming to our destination wedding. They plan on showing up unannounced (to him) at our rehearsal dinner the night before the ceremony. What<strong> he still won't know is that his friend's fiance is going to be my MOH</strong>. Now <strong>his friend is thinking about surprising him further by walking down the aisle as a groomsman</strong>. Right now our bridal party consists of DF's brother and my surprise MOH. DF thinks my brother is standing up as my "maid of honor". If his friend ends up in the bridal party, my brother will be on my side. However, <strong>after finding out the price of renting a tux, he wants to wear his dress blues (he's a marine). I think it would be tacky for a groomsman to be in blues while everyone else is in a black tux</strong>... But I don't want to hurt his feelings and tell him no because I don't think he can afford the rental... What do I do??? What would YOU do?
Posted by forreallyserious[/QUOTE]

There is so much "WTF?!?!?" in this post.

[Deleted User]

Tacky may not be the right word. But I could understand your concern that how having a groomsmen in uniform could take away from the groom in pictures when the everyone else is in a tux & he is not.

Let your fiance be surprised at  his arrival. It's not really his friends place to say, hey I'm going to be a groomsmen in your wedding.  After he arrives maybe then you can ask your fiance if he would like to ask his friend to be a part of the wedding party & switch things up a little. If he says yes & asks, then let him wear his dress blues.

forreallyserious

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_groomsmen-doesnt-want-to-rent-a-tux?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:67047cd0-655d-43a2-b9cb-a8fccb4c8c6cPost:efe8dbdb-7347-4699-9591-a54b5047f269">Re: Groomsman doesn't want to rent a tux...</a>:
[QUOTE]Since you are prior military then you should realize what you are asking is completely silly and ridiculous.  Dress uniforms are formal, tuxes are formal, thus they will not look tacky standing next to each other. Oh and I agree with PP about the surprise groomsman is a bad idea.  Did your FI originally want this person to be in his wedding party and the guy couldn't because of his schedule?  Or did your FI not ask him at all?  If your FI did not ask him then you shouldn't throw it at him the day before the wedding. ETA:  And is anyone as tired as I am about the overuse of the word tacky?  Hardly anyone uses is right!
Posted by Maggie0829[/QUOTE]

<div>Yes, he did want him to be in the wedding originally. We moved the date and the location from April to December, and from our homestate to Florida, so many people were unable to make it. But this couple came to me later and said that they could make it and that they wanted it to be a surprise. </div>

Maggie0829

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_groomsmen-doesnt-want-to-rent-a-tux?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:67047cd0-655d-43a2-b9cb-a8fccb4c8c6cPost:fbcd92ae-f2cc-4861-93d7-6549deebcda9">Re: Groomsman doesn't want to rent a tux...</a>:
[QUOTE]Tacky may not be the right word. <strong>But I could understand your concern that how having a groomsmen in uniform could take away from the groom in pictures when the everyone else is in a tux & he is not.</strong> Let your fiance be surprised at  his arrival. It's not really his friends place to say, hey I'm going to be a groomsmen in your wedding.  After he arrives maybe then you can ask your fiance if he would like to ask his friend to be a part of the wedding party & switch things up a little. If he says yes & asks, then let him wear his dress blues.
Posted by Erikan73[/QUOTE]

Just no.  Having someone in their dress uniform will not take away from the groom in pictures or in person.

forreallyserious

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_groomsmen-doesnt-want-to-rent-a-tux?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:67047cd0-655d-43a2-b9cb-a8fccb4c8c6cPost:fbcd92ae-f2cc-4861-93d7-6549deebcda9">Re: Groomsman doesn't want to rent a tux...</a>:
[QUOTE]Tacky may not be the right word. But I could understand your concern that how having a groomsmen in uniform could take away from the groom in pictures when the everyone else is in a tux & he is not. Let your fiance be surprised at  his arrival. It's not really his friends place to say, hey I'm going to be a groomsmen in your wedding.  After he arrives maybe then you can ask your fiance if he would like to ask his friend to be a part of the wedding party & switch things up a little. If he says yes & asks, then let him wear his dress blues.
Posted by Erikan73[/QUOTE]

<div>This is a great idea! Thank you <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-smile.gif" border="0" alt="Smile" title="Smile" /></div>

forreallyserious

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_groomsmen-doesnt-want-to-rent-a-tux?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:67047cd0-655d-43a2-b9cb-a8fccb4c8c6cPost:df9d1344-6455-4a2c-ba07-2d8f6d3f322e">Re: Groomsman doesn't want to rent a tux...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Groomsman doesn't want to rent a tux... : Just no.  Having someone in their dress uniform will not take away from the groom in pictures or in person.
Posted by Maggie0829[/QUOTE]

<div>That was what I was mildly concerned about. I'll try a quick google search to get an idea of how it'll turn out. </div>

Maggie0829

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_groomsmen-doesnt-want-to-rent-a-tux?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:67047cd0-655d-43a2-b9cb-a8fccb4c8c6cPost:bd23a3e5-8ed9-4b75-8548-95bad3e7f19a">Re: Groomsman doesn't want to rent a tux...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Groomsman doesn't want to rent a tux... : Yes, he did want him to be in the wedding originally. We moved the date and the location from April to December, and from our homestate to Florida, so many people were unable to make it. But this couple came to me later and said that they could make it and that they wanted it to be a surprise. 
Posted by forreallyserious[/QUOTE]

Then I would just have them come as guests.  If when they get there your FI wants to invite this person to be a GM, great!  If not, then having them come as surprise guests is just as good.

aerinpegadrak

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_groomsmen-doesnt-want-to-rent-a-tux?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:67047cd0-655d-43a2-b9cb-a8fccb4c8c6cPost:efe8dbdb-7347-4699-9591-a54b5047f269">Re: Groomsman doesn't want to rent a tux...</a>:
[QUOTE]ETA:  And is anyone as tired as I am about the overuse of the word tacky?  Hardly anyone uses is right!
Posted by Maggie0829[/QUOTE]
Oh, I can go on for days if you get me started.  I think it's a completely useless word.  When someone says "tacky," they mean either "rude," in which case just call it what it is, or "not my style"/"something I haven't seen," in which case, who cares?<div>
</div><div>And I agree that they should just be guests.  If your FI decides that he wants his friend in the wedding since he's there, he's certainly capable of asking on his own.</div>

kaos16

I do not think there is anything wrong in the slightest with having a GM in dress blues.  For my wedding, there will be 4 GM in matching suits and one in his dress blues.  Nothing is going to distract from the bride and groom on their wedding day, especially not one man displaying pride in the sacrifices he makes to be in the military serving and protecting all of us.  If anything, this will add to your pictures and make for lovely memories. 
IMO, it would be horribly rude to tell a member of our Armed Forces that you won't let them wear the dress blues that they have earned the right to wear.

Peledreamsofrain

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_groomsmen-doesnt-want-to-rent-a-tux?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:67047cd0-655d-43a2-b9cb-a8fccb4c8c6cPost:1e49e29f-e1cb-4eea-b7e5-065e98e6bc34">Re: Groomsman doesn't want to rent a tux...</a>:
[QUOTE]I do not think there is anything wrong in the slightest with having a GM in dress blues.  For my wedding, there will be 4 GM in matching suits and one in his dress blues.  Nothing is going to distract from the bride and groom on their wedding day, especially not one man displaying pride in the sacrifices he makes to be in the military serving and protecting all of us.  If anything, this will add to your pictures and make for lovely memories.  IMO, it would be horribly rude to tell a member of our Armed Forces that you won't let them wear the dress blues that they have earned the right to wear.
Posted by kaos16[/QUOTE]

Amen to this.  I'd be honored and proud to have someone in their dress blues up there.  Their sacrafice, dedication, and what that uniform represents is worth more than any weird obsession with color coordination or a bride insisting everything has to be pleasing to her.

PJSPJS

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_groomsmen-doesnt-want-to-rent-a-tux?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:67047cd0-655d-43a2-b9cb-a8fccb4c8c6cPost:efe8dbdb-7347-4699-9591-a54b5047f269">Re: Groomsman doesn't want to rent a tux...</a>:
[QUOTE]Since you are prior military then you should realize what you are asking is completely silly and ridiculous.  Dress uniforms are formal, tuxes are formal, thus they will not look tacky standing next to each other. Oh and I agree with PP about the surprise groomsman is a bad idea.  Did your FI originally want this person to be in his wedding party and the guy couldn't because of his schedule?  Or did your FI not ask him at all?  If your FI did not ask him then you shouldn't throw it at him the day before the wedding. ETA:  <strong>And is anyone as tired as I am about the overuse of the word tacky?</strong>  Hardly anyone uses is right!
Posted by Maggie0829[/QUOTE]

<div>Yes. Also overused: "friendship-ending move."</div>

EAJ2011

It is not tacky to have a GM in his dress blues. In fact it is actually a wonderful thing that people are proud enough to wear them. It doesn't matter if everyone else is in black tuxes, the dress blues will be just a formal and years later you will just be glad he was there. Now if the GM were wearing khakis and a white shirt that would be different. But there is nothing wrong with him wearing his dress blues. 

kmmssg

As a 26 year veteran I have to say it ticks me off, peeves me off, and pissssssses me off when a military member invites their uniform into a wedding or other civilian event.  It is great if they are INVITED to wear it, but if not, it should stay in the closet.  Just because we own it doesn't mean it is wanted at a civilian function and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

Did the other groomsmen say "I don't want to pay for a tux, so I'm gonna wear this instead?"  It is the same thing.

Yes, it is an incredible honor and privilege to wear the uniform.  I say that from the bottom of my heart.  The overwhelming majority of my military friends feel the same way I do about it being "invited" to be worn rather than just deciding to show up in it.  We have been to functions before where we seriously side-eyed a colleague in uniform at a civilian event when they were not asked to wear it.  The small handful of repeat offenders are serious attention hores who have no identity outside of their uniform and want to show off.  
And, yes, that does happen.

As far as your guest, I do agree with others that it would be best if they were guests rather than a surprise groomsman.

RRWB

If they can afford to travel tot he destination wedding can they not afford the tux rental?

mdupon70997

Two of my friends had this problem with one of our other friends in their wedding party. The bride didn't want the GM to wear his dress blues because it was not a "military wedding." The groom did. However, the GM was going to be the only military personnell in the wedding. It's the bride and groom's day. If the GM was to be involved in the wedding then he should be willing to pay whatever costs are required. It is understood that the bridal party pay for their own attire. If your fiance wants him to be a GM then maybe you should decide together whether or not he will wear his dress blues. But I wouldn't want him to wear them either (and I'm a very proud supporter of our military!!!)