Candle Lighter Ages-25 too old?!?

lkktf3

My two cousins are kind of expecting to be a bridesmaid, I have my bridal party set and if I add them I will have 8 bridesmaids and 8 groomsmen, which my fiance is NOT ok with...so instead of not having my two cousins at all I was going to make them candle lighters?!? Is that ok if their ages are 20 and 25?! For some reason I think of candle lighters as being young.... what should I do? make them guest book attendants instead of candle lighters?!?

bablingbrooke

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_candle-lighter-ages-25-old?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:67f73a50-cf77-4078-968c-088e2484943bPost:16f975c5-5cee-495b-a9d4-9c95bd54b122">Candle Lighter Ages-25 too old?!?</a>:
[QUOTE]My two cousins are kind of expecting to be a bridesmaid, I have my bridal party set and if I add them I will have 8 bridesmaids and 8 groomsmen, which my fiance is NOT ok with...so instead of not having my two cousins at all I was going to make them candle lighters?!? Is that ok if their ages are 20 and 25?! For some reason I think of candle lighters as being young.... what should I do? make them guest book attendants instead of candle lighters?!?
Posted by lkktf3[/QUOTE]
1.  You don't owe your cousins a spot.<div>
</div><div>2.  If you want them as BMs, then your FI (pardon my french) can suck it.  It doesn't mean he has to have 8 GM.</div><div>
</div><div>3.  Invite them as guests if they aren't in the WP.  Grown ups don't want pity jobs--that's what you do with six year olds who are jealous that their eight year old brother got to do something.  Jobs aren't honors like being in the WP is.  So just invite them as guests and make sure you take some photos and spend some time with them.</div>

Beachy730

Ditto brooke. 

Does your FI already have 8, or he wants even sides so he would add more to make 8?  Either way I think its a crappy excuse.  Its not fair of him to get 8 but say you can't, and it doesn't matter if sides aren't even. 

lalap69

Ditto Brooke.

Just want to add that yes, I think 25 years old is too old to be a candlelighter.  Besides which, if they're expecting to be BMs, being a candlelighter isn't exactly going to translate as "just as good".  It's going to translate as "pity job" because that's what it is.

sister2groom

Guest book attendant duties are worse than being just guests.

mbcdefg

If candles play a very important part in your religion/ceremony, then I don't think it's a bad idea.

If you're mainly asking them as a token for not being bridesmaids, then don't do it. Either ask them to be bridesmaids if you really want them as bridesmaids, or just let them enjoy themselves as guests. You don't have to make them bridesmaids or find consolation jobs for them just because they want to be bridesmaids.

Your FI doesn't need two more groomsmen if you decide that you want two more bridesmaids. He should ask who he wants and you should ask who you want. Your sides don't need to be even, and it's rude and insulting to your loved ones to ask them to be slot-fillers (or to exclude them) just for the sake of keeping the numbers even.

Guest Book Attendant is in no way an honor. "You get to stand by a book and bug people to sign it, while everyone else is off having fun!" That's just a crap job. Plus, unless your guests have mental issues, they'll know how to sign a book without someone directing them to do so.

lkktf3

Well my original thought was to not have my cousins at all or make them candle lighters.... but now after all the advice and really thinking about it, I really think it will hurt their feelings to not be a BM. I thought 8 BM sounded like too many but I think it will be better then hurting family's feelings! I think everyone will be happy then!

Now I just need to talk my FI into adding or being ok w/ uneven numbers. I think it will be ok. As long as the bride is happy, he will be happy!!

marinabreeze

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_candle-lighter-ages-25-old?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:67f73a50-cf77-4078-968c-088e2484943bPost:83b845b4-13c5-43bb-ba0c-4e8125090ecc">Re: Candle Lighter Ages-25 too old?!?</a>:
[QUOTE]Well my original thought was to not have my cousins at all or make them candle lighters.... but now after all the advice and really thinking about it, I really think it will hurt their feelings to not be a BM. I thought 8 BM sounded like too many but I think it will be better then hurting family's feelings! I think everyone will be happy then! Now I just need to talk my FI into adding or being ok w/ uneven numbers. I think it will be ok. As long as the bride is happy, he will be happy!! :)
Posted by lkktf3[/QUOTE]

You pick your side, your FI picks his.  Why do you need his permission to add your cousins to your side?  Besides, yes, uneven numbers are okay, and they happen much more often than we notice at weddings. The "even number" wedding party is a relatively recent trend (within the last two or three decades), not a tradition.

Heather8505

but...if you weren't going to have them in the first place, then how were you just convinced to?  If YOU want them, add them.  If you didn't want them, then don't add them but don't make them candle lighters just for the hell of it.