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Trouble picking bridesmaids

I have 3 friends who I would like to have in my wedding, plus my fiancee's sister.  2 of my friends had a falling out a few years ago and one of them still isn't completely over it.  I'm trying to figure out if I shouldn't ask her to be in the wedding to avoid any potential awkwardness/drama.  She is one of my very good friends and I'd hate to leave her out because of this, but I also don't want to cause unnecessary stresson me and the rest of the bridal party.  Also if I had all 4 of them my fiancee would have to pick his 4th attendant from a group of close friends, possibly creating some hard feelings there...  Any advice?

Re: Trouble picking bridesmaids

  • First of all, your FI would not have to pick a 4th GM. Uneven sides are just fine.

    I think you should pick the people you are closest to, and not exclude one friend because she doesn't like another. That is going to be seen as taking sides and will hurt the friend that is left out even more.

    My advice is to invite them all. If the one doesn't want to be there with the other, she can decline your offer, but I think its in your relationship's best interest to ask whoever you want up there with you. Plus, she may just suck it up and be a mature adult about it all, for your sake, so there would be no drama to speak of.
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Get over the idea of even sides.  Potentially hurting feelings and leaving people out just to have the same number on each side is just a nasty thing to do.  You should both ask your closest friends, regardless of how many that is.  

    If you feel close to this girl, ask her.  Your BMs don't have to all be friends or do things together, and if she can't stand up next to the other girl for 15 minutes, she can decline.
  • Uneven sides are fine.  We had them and my really OCD DH hardly noticed or cared when the time came.  Will you notice in a couple of photos?  Yes.  Will you kick yourself for not asking some warm bodies to come in to even things out?  No.

    Knee-jerk reaction: Who do you want standing next to you when you say your vows?  That is your WP.  Don't think about symmetry, whose WP you were in, whether they're in a position to plan parties or spend money.  Make your decision on the people you are closest to and you will not regret it.

    BUT, since you have about 15 months until your wedding, I'd suggest waiting until April or May to start asking people.  Asking with more than a year to go means that your BMs might get "weddinged out", something experienced by quite a few people on this board, since even the most enthusiastic friends may not be able to stay excited for that long.
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  • trix1223trix1223
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited February 2010
    first things first:  you'll be using the term often now....so....you have a fiance, not a fiancee.  (He has a fiancee).

    Since your wedding is a long way off, don't choose anyone yet.  Why?  Scroll down this board and read the countless posts from brides who asked too far out and now want to know how to "fire" a member of the WP.  Wait until at least 8 months out.

    There is NOTHING for a WP to do this early anyway, so there's no reason to choose, and a lot of reasons not to choose.

    When you are 8 months our, remember WPs are NOT about symmetry.  They are about having those closest to YOU stand with you at your ceremony.  It won't matter if you have more attendants than he does.  During the recessional, one lucky GM can escort two beautiful BMs.

    And as for the ladies not getting along.  They don't have to be friends.  They don't have to like each other.  They should, of course, behave like adults on your wedding day and at least be cordial.

    When you do ask them, you can let them know everyone in the party.  If you're still choosing the two who don't get along, put the ball in their court.  If they don't feel that they can behave like civilized adults, they can decline the honor of being in your WP.

    Don't assume though that they can't behave and leave out a friend that you care about.  GL

    EDIT:  8 months ouT, not 8 months ouR
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • i agree with PP symmetry thoughts, mine wont be even. if you worry about symmetry, someone will be unable to attend last minute or something murpheys lawish like that!
    i also agree to wait to ask anyone until its closer.

    when you do, say " i want you to be a BM along with x x and x. your friendship means SO much to me, i want you there with me on my special day, and i want you to be part of the fun girly planning stuff!
    say that to BOTH friends, if they want to decline because of the other, then they arent the friend you thought they were!
    dont say, will you be my BM even tho X is also my BM? or anything like that. your wedding is about you, hopefully good friends can remember that.
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  • I'm going to echo PPs.  You don't need even sides and I'd wait for a few months to ask.  At that time, ask who YOU want up there with you. 
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