Wedding Party
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Keeping the girls involved

Like many women, I have more good girlfriends than is practical to have in my party. I am therefore trying to come up with ways to ask people to be involved and honored for the love and support without being a BM.

Ideas so far:
Perform a short song (for a friend who has an amazing and beautiful voice)
Read poetry
....

I'd like to get some of these ideas sorted out soon, so I can have these ideas to present at the same time as I ask my BM's. (This will be a non-religious ceremony.)

Thank you i advance!


Re: Keeping the girls involved

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    Just coming as a guest is honour enough, really.  Don't force yourself to come up with jobs just for the sake of it.

    GL
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    mbcdefgmbcdefg member
    5 Love Its First Comment Combo Breaker
    edited April 2011
    I think a reading/poem or a song would be fine. If you were doing a religious ceremony I would have suggested bringing up Communion or something.

    If you already have slots for a few readers and singers, I think it's fine to ask these friends. But I wouldn't go nuts trying to create a job for everyone. If you really start getting silly with jobs, I think people will know that they're getting a "pity position." I can totally understand not wanting to hurt your friends' feelings, but remember that they're adults and they will understand that you can't include everyone you love - it's not like kindergarten where everyone gets a participation trophy.

    And many people are actually relieved when they're not asked to be in a wedding party. It means they can just enjoy themselves as guests, rather than worrying about buying an outfit and maybe planning parties and stuff. Don't automatically assume that your friends will be crushed not to be bridesmaids ... and if someone really IS crushed over it, that's really not your problem because it means that they built their expectations up too high and it's not your job to accommodate people like that.
    image
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    Being invited as just a guest is nice too.  Don't make up crappy jobs just to give someone a role in your wedding.  The only acceptable positions are generally bridal party, usher, or reader.  Nobody wants to pass out programs or bubbles.  Nobody wants to be the guestbook attendant.  Nobody wants to serve the cake.  Nobody wants to be your day of coordinator.  Good luck!

    imageDaisypath Anniversary tickers
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    edited April 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_keeping-girls-involved?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:690bbff3-cfbe-4039-a5f8-927b20387886Post:b400cbf2-ece7-4a62-8b3b-ba360bdf1ef6">Keeping the girls involved</a>:
    [QUOTE]Like many women, I have more good girlfriends than is practical to have in my party. I am therefore trying to come up with ways to ask people to be involved and honored for the love and support without being a BM. Ideas so far: Perform a short song (for a friend who has an amazing and beautiful voice) Read poetry .... <strong>I'd like to get some of these ideas sorted out soon, so I can have these ideas to present at the same time as I ask my BM's. (This will be a non-religious ceremony.) Thank you i advance!
    Posted by kjuker[/QUOTE]</strong>

    Wait! Are you planning to have a get together where you ask some of your friend to be bms? If that's the case, the others who get assigned 'extra' jobs will feel like they're being awarded a consolation prize.
                       
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    Oh! I should clarify. No, I don't want to have an event to ask them all at once. I just don't want to ask some girls now, some in two months... whatever. Anyone I ask to be involved I plan to ask in person and one on one.

    Also, for anyone else with similar problems, here is a link on some bridal party non-traditional alternatives. I'm not sure any of them are exactly for me, but fuel for brainstorming is always positive. And who knows, maybe these approaches are just right for you!
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_keeping-girls-involved?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:690bbff3-cfbe-4039-a5f8-927b20387886Post:9b5b5a6e-7be8-4664-822e-7fd3276c0f2a">Re: Keeping the girls involved</a>:
    [QUOTE]Oh! I should clarify. No, I don't want to have an event to ask them all at once. I just don't want to ask some girls now, some in two months... whatever. Anyone I ask to be involved I plan to ask in person and one on one. Also, for anyone else with similar problems, here is a link on some bridal party non-traditional alternatives. I'm not sure any of them are exactly for me, but fuel for brainstorming is always positive. And who knows, maybe these approaches are just right for you! <a href="http://apracticalwedding.com/2010/08/bridesmaid-alternatives-a-compendium/" rel='nofollow'>http://apracticalwedding.com/2010/08/bridesmaid-alternatives-a-compendium/</a>
    Posted by kjuker[/QUOTE]
    Excellent plan!

    Not that you suggested any of these, but guestbook attendant, program hander outer, and personal attendant are shiit jobs so don't make anybody do those.
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    Reader and singer for the ceremony are nice honors, but I wouldn't cross the line into guest book attendant, etc. 
    Don't feel the need for everybody to be "involved".  Being a guest is also involved in the wedding. 
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    A non-bridesmaid: Listens to me complain about how expensive weddings are. Comes wedding dress shopping IF she wants. Helps my mom throw a shower. Comes to the bachelorette party if she can. Helps out doing whatever she likes to do or is good at (i.e. baking snickerdoodles, making invitations, making funny videos of the other guests, drinking mimosas, etc). Helps me get ready day-of (hint: this may involve drinking mimosas). Tells me when I’m being bride-zilla-ish.

     

    How is this person any different from a "real" bridesmaid?


    image
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    My cousin is hell-bent on finding jobs for my sister and I to do at her wedding.  I told my mom that I'm fine being just a guest.  I'm dreading the day that she asks me to be the guest book attendant...because I'm pretty sure that's all she's got left for me.  I intend to turn it down...whether or not I laugh when she asks remains to be seen.

    Don't worry about finding jobs for your friends.  I'm sure they'll be fine with just coming as guests.
    image

    Stop The Drama!

    image Love people. Use things. Never confuse the two.
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    Honestly, I would never ask someone to be guest book attendant or assistant- but I know I will find alternatives.

    And it isn't about being worried about hurting their feelings. It is a genuine desire to have them involved. :)
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    But as several have tried to tell you, being a guest IS being involved.  And please don't overestimate how much people want to be "involved".  Not having to do anything but show up for the party is wonderful.  No stress, no expense, but the fun of the wedding.

    And Good Luck to you.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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