the most annoying bestman in the world

Ang1926

my fiances best man is the most annoying man in the world. we never hear from him with regards to wedding stuff (unlike my bridesmaid) and when my fiance asks him to attend suit and shoe fittings, its always when it suits him, and then he will turn up and hour late, and then he really doesnt care that hes late. and then he says 'oh well' like its not a big deal. my mothers side of the family is very religious and will not appreciate dirty jokes at the speeches, he knows this but we both think he is gonna do it anyway! talking to him absolutely doesnt help, he just doesnt care. he is the most inappropriate, arrogant, annoying man ive ever come across.has anyone esle come across this with their bestman?

Robyn5298

My fiance used to have a best friend since childhood who sounds very similar to your best man - he's arrogant, insulting, and generally just awful to be around.  Luckily for me he eventually crossed the line one too many times and my fiance finally saw him for what a jerk he was and cut ties.  But while he was around it was awful so I completely sympathize with you.

My advice is just to try not to let him bother you.  Easier said than done, I know, but since he seems to be a lost cause just assume he will be difficult and don't expect anything from him.  All he has to do is get his suit and show up.

As for the speech, maybe your fiance can appeal to him about keeping things tasteful.  He probably won't listen to you but maybe your fiance can get through to him?  Its worth another shot anyway.  But if he does slip in something inappropriate just know that HE is the one that will come across poorly and nobody will see it as a reflection on you.

Good luck and don't let him get under your skin!  He's not worth wasting your energy on.

TrinaCasey

Yes. I attended a JW wedding where the BM was drunk coming to the wedding and then proceeded to say wildly inappropriate things, the best part was when 'Grandpa' took his aside with 5 other congregation members and the BM cam back with a limp.

While I don't recommend that (ok it was hilarious) try having you FI talk to him one on one and explain why you guys are doing what your doing and if he STILL doesn't shape up perhaps consider telling him to (nicely) take a hike. A BM has to respect the Bridal party and it doesn't seem like he's doing much of that. That's only a suggestion, you know the people involved best.

banana468

Please don't take Trina's advice.  There's really no way to nicely ask someone to step down unless you're saying, "Step out of my life."

BUT, you can tell the MC, "If the BM starts to say inappropriate things, cut off the microphone."

Beyond that just relax.  If your wedding isn't until November, there's a reason that he's not excited yet.  Guys aren't "into" wedding stuff like women are.  Trust that he'll get his stuff done on time and that he'll be the appropriate person on the big day though.

heyimbren

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_annoying-bestman-world?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:69fbd96d-8e1c-46f0-bc5b-cd07f9dc437fPost:2217eab2-a6da-46fa-b151-cd60c0fb5f32">the most annoying bestman in the world</a>:
[QUOTE]my fiances best man is the most annoying man in the world. we never hear from him with regards to wedding stuff (unlike my bridesmaid) and when my fiance asks him to attend suit and shoe fittings,<strong> its always when it suits him</strong>, and then he will turn up and hour late, and then he really doesnt care that hes late. and then he says 'oh well' like its not a big deal. my mothers side of the family is very religious and will not appreciate dirty jokes at the speeches, he knows this but we both think he is gonna do it anyway! talking to him absolutely doesnt help, he just doesnt care. he is the most inappropriate, arrogant, annoying man ive ever come across.has anyone esle come across this with their bestman?
Posted by Ang1926[/QUOTE]

What do you  mean you never hear from him about wedding stuff? I'm not exactly sure what wedding stuff you're expecting to hear from him about (unless you mean the attire problems that you expand on).

I think it makes perfect sense that the fittings would be based on when it suits him. What else would you expect him to do? He can't drop everything for a fitting.

But someone being late always bothers me, so I agree with you on that one. 

I understand your feelings about the speech, but there isn't too much you can do about that. Have your FI speak to him and just mention that he should keep it clean and respectful, but that's all you can do. Until he stands up there and does anything, you're only going to drive yourself crazy trying to conrol something that's out of your hands! So try and relax over it and focus on other parts of your wedding. 

Manwaithiel

Just let him do the fittings himself. If he misses them, then I guess he doesn't have attire...and then he probably will just skip it. There problem solved.

That's highly unlikely, however. I'm sure he's with us enough to do his own fittings and get to the church on time.

If he starts acting like an a** then, as a PP said, have someone cut him off at the mic. Make sure the bartender knows to cut him off if he gets too crazy drunk.Etc. Take these precautions and then stop worrying.

mbcdefg

Why do you guys have to go with him for the fittings?

What wedding stuff is he supposed to be talking with you about?

Ditto PPs, in the event that his speech is inappropriate (but I'm willing to bet that he'll be serious for that since your FI asked him to), tell the DJ beforehand to cut the mic and start on another announcement if necessary. Work out a sign, like if your FI pulls on his ear or something.

megk8oz

Hate to break it to you, but men do not care about weddings unless it's their own. Weddings are boring and frilly and chock full of things that men just do not care about. So no, I'm not in the slightest bit surprised that this guy isn't calling you up and asking all about your center pieces or whatever it is that you seem to think he should be doing.

Honestly, while it's great that your bridesmaid is into planning, she really isn't obligated to be either. The only people that are actually "required" to care about your wedding and wedding planning are you and your FI. Anybody else that expresses interest and volunteers help is just icing on the cake.

You're getting married in November, It's now August. I'm really not sure why this guy needs to go to "suit fittings" now. I got married in early January of last year and we were specifically told by our vendor not to get anybody fitted until December before the wedding because of things like weight fluxuation.

As far as him only "showing up when it suits him" ... um, your FI should be taking his schedule into consideration when scheduling things he wants him to attend. When you schedule any type of get together with your friends, do you just pick a time that works for you, regardless of other people's constraints and expect it to just work? Or do you actually think to yourself "Well, Jane works until 7 on Tuesdays, and Mary doesn't have a babysitter on Saturdays, so Friday would probably work for everybody". Plus, it's a fitting. Something that the Best Man can do on his own. It's not like the suit shop isn't going to allow you to get your suits from them if everybody isn't present for fittings at the same time ... and if they aren't going to for some strange reason, then you probably shouldn't be doing business with them.

Like PPs said, if he get innappropriate during the speech, just have your DJ or MC cut the mic. It's one of those things that you can't waste your time worrying about because you pretty much don't know what's going to happen until you're in the moment, and once you're there, there's not much else you can do about it.

aerinpegadrak

Most tux shops have a fitting deadline of 2-4 weeks before the wedding.  You've got four months.  I think it will work out.

zitiqueen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_annoying-bestman-world?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:69fbd96d-8e1c-46f0-bc5b-cd07f9dc437fPost:2217eab2-a6da-46fa-b151-cd60c0fb5f32">the most annoying bestman in the world</a>:
[QUOTE]my fiances best man is the most annoying man in the world. we never hear from him with regards to wedding stuff (unlike my bridesmaid) and when my fiance asks him to attend suit and shoe fittings, its always when it suits him, and then he will turn up and hour late, and then he really doesnt care that hes late. and then he says 'oh well' like its not a big deal. my mothers side of the family is very religious and will not appreciate dirty jokes at the speeches, he knows this but we both think he is gonna do it anyway! talking to him absolutely doesnt help, he just doesnt care.<strong> he is the most inappropriate, arrogant, annoying man ive ever come across.</strong>has anyone esle come across this with their bestman?
Posted by Ang1926[/QUOTE]

And your husband is friends with the most inappropriate, arrogant, annoying man you've ever come across why again?

gottahavashorti

He can go and have his tux fitted on his own time without your FI.

Just cut toasts from your wedding entirely if you're worried about the content of his speech.

Ang1926

we were told by our suit hire place that the guys need to do the fittings now, even though our wedding is the start of nov.they also wanted to do the both guys together so they could make sure suits suit them both.  my FI is friends with this person because they used to spend a lot of time working on motorbikes together, he says how annoying he is but is too nice to cut him off. this man is now unemployed and lies on the couch each day playing xbox so technically it would be nice for him to be free whenever, like my FIs lunchbreak for fittings. so yes my FI does take into his account his very free and open schedule. my FI is always trying to discuss suits, shoes, appointments, the stag party but the BM is just not interested. so thats the wedding stuff my FI would like him to be involved with. thanks for those that left nice advice.

zitiqueen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_annoying-bestman-world?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:69fbd96d-8e1c-46f0-bc5b-cd07f9dc437fPost:7409a7d1-a8d9-47d6-89ba-7611c95a9e80">Re: the most annoying bestman in the world</a>:
[QUOTE]we were told by our suit hire place that the guys need to do the fittings now, even though our wedding is the start of nov.they also wanted to do the both guys together so they could make sure suits suit them both. <strong> my FI is friends with this person because they used to spend a lot of time working on motorbikes together, he says how annoying he is but is too nice to cut him of</strong>f. this man is now unemployed and lies on the couch each day playing xbox so technically it would be nice for him to be free whenever, like my FIs lunchbreak for fittings. so yes my FI does take into his account his very free and open schedule.<strong> my FI is always trying to discuss suits, shoes, appointments, the stag party but the BM is just not interested. so thats the wedding stuff my FI would like him to be involved with. thanks for those that left nice advice.
</strong>Posted by Ang1926[/QUOTE]

Okay, first of all, learn the difference between support and advice. Support is what you <em>want</em> to hear; advice is what you <em>need</em> to hear. Advice isn't always nice, and if you'd bothered to lurk before posting to get a feel for the temperature of the board, you'd know that Knotties don't sugar-coat. We give honest advice that is sometimes painful to hear because, you know, we're Internet strangers and we don't know you. Nobody forced you to post here. If you want to be patted on the head and told to just hang in there, everything will work out fine, go to your girlfriends.

Okay, back on topic -- clearly your FI is too spineless to cut this guy off (in this situation, "too nice" is just a euphemism for "no balls"). Why did he have to make him the best man? Why couldn't he just make him a simple groomsman since he seemed to be aware of his irresponsible, annoying nature?

And that line about him not discussing the stag party with your FI? He's not required to throw your FI a stag party. Nobody is required to throw your FI a stag party, just like nobody is required to throw you a bridal shower. If somebody takes the reins and organizes one, great, but it's not a requirement for the BM or anybody else, and your FI should have no involvement in the planning anyway.

The only thing your bridal party is required to do is to show up for the wedding in the appropriate wedding party clothing, stand upright during the ceremony, and smile for pictures. Anything beyond that is gravy.

Yeah, it sounds like this guy is a lazy d!ck, but your FI knew what he was signing up for when he asked him to be the best man. You can't blame the BM for being who he's always been.