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Old Best Friend or New Best Friend for MOH???

So, I will be finalizing my bridal party selection this August. (I know it's a while from now, just planning our wedding a year and a half in advance.) I have had a best friend since 6th grade and we have shared many milestones in our lives together.  Highschool, College, pledging for the same sorority together, first jobs out of college....a lot.  Shortly after graduating, I hooked her up with this guy who I thought would be a great match for her and he was surprsingly the end to our friendship. Beyond me catching him in "sticky" situations on numerous occasions, he had the audacity to flirt with me one night in front of my now fiance.  Needless to say, that was pretty much the end to our friendship...sad but she didn't believe me over his excuses.  This built a lot of anger and resentment between us and about 3 years passed before we spoke again. 

Meanwhile, my other sorority sister and old college roommate has been nothing but a loyal and honest friend.  She knows me enough to calm my anxiety and I trust not only her judgement but, that fact that she is very dependable and super fun!  In my heart, she is the perfect choice for my MOH.  However, how do I tell my old BFF that she's not going to be my MOH.  I feel like she acknowledges that we have grown apart but, it's still hard for me to physically tell her she will just be a bridesmaid.  Especially because when we were still in college, the three of us were very close.

How would you like to be told that you were NOT chosen to be the MOH but, will be a bridesmaid???

Am I making the right choice???

Re: Old Best Friend or New Best Friend for MOH???

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    mbcdefgmbcdefg member
    5 Love Its First Comment Combo Breaker
    Your MOH should be your current closest friend. Not the person who you have the most history with, not the person who will be the best planner, not the person who lives the closest. Your current closest friend.

    Don't sit someone down and tell her that she's not your MOH/bridesmaid. That will hurt their feelings. Don't address the situation at all if you can help it.

    If you want the old friend as a bridesmaid, just ask her if she'd like to be one of the bridesmaids. If she asks who else is in the wedding, you can say, "Sally and Jamie are bridesmaids, and Kristen is the MOH." If you guys had a mutual falling out, then she is aware that you're not close anymore and probably won't expect to be MOH. And if she IS expecting to be MOH, then her disappointment is her own fault for building her expectations up. If she's rude enough to ask why she wasn't selected, just say, "We're really not that close anymore" and leave it at that. You don't owe her an explanation.

    If you don't want the old friend as a bridesmaid at all, just don't say anything. If you want her as a guest, just send her the wedding invitation. Don't address the bridesmaid lineup unless she asks ... in which case, you can say that you picked Sally, Jamie and Kristen, and then change the subject. Again, if she's hurt, that's not your problem.

    I totally get that you don't want to hurt her feelings, but it would be more hurtful to say to someone, "I'm not asking you to be MOH/a bridesmaid, and here's why."
    image
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    That happened to me, I chose someone who I've been close to since I was 19 (I'm 28 now) and my BFF who grew up basically along with me (lives right across street from me) and played Barbies with, got upset I didn't choose her.

    If you're not close to someone anymore, they're technically no longer your BFF. Sometimes friends grow apart. I would choose the person who you think and know will sit in your kitchen and chat once you're married and will be happy for your ups and sad for your downs !  The person who you think would be there long term should be chosen

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    True...great advice!! I will let them know who I've picked for what and keep it moving.  No need to discuss why or why not she was chosen MOH. I was thinking the same but, I sort of wanted confirmation from the masses ....lol....I didn't want to be a heartless bridezilla.

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    There is NO good reason to choose a WP in August, and a hundred reasons NOT to choose a WP more than a year out.

    What are the reasons?  Scroll down this board and read the countless posts from brides who asked too early, and now regret their decision.

    For a 9/11 wedding, you can wait until at least January, 2011 to choose-even better to wait another month. 

    You may find that you have a clearer picture next January about who to choose than you do now.

    And FWIW:  you don't have to have a MOH at all.  If you can't choose, don't.  Have BMs.  "I love you too much to choose between you."  Have one stand next to you during the ceremony and the other sign the license or give a toast.

    But my strongest advice:  DON'T, don't, don't, don't, choose more than a year out.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_friend-vs-sorority-sister-moh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:6a975971-2766-4521-b8df-d43adc58c633Post:0b1e4a8f-2e94-434c-b9c6-e6bd9956e71d">Old Best Friend or New Best Friend for MOH???</a>:
    [QUOTE]So, I will be finalizing my bridal party selection this August. (I know it's a while from now, just planning our wedding a year and a half in advance.) I have had a best friend since 6th grade and we have shared many milestones in our lives together.  Highschool, College, pledging for the same sorority together, first jobs out of college....a lot.  Shortly after graduating, I hooked her up with this guy who I thought would be a great match for her and he was surprsingly the end to our friendship. Beyond me catching him in "sticky" situations on numerous occasions, he had the audacity to flirt with me one night in front of my now fiance.  Needless to say, that was pretty much the end to our friendship...sad but she didn't believe me over his excuses.  This built a lot of anger and resentment between us and about 3 years passed before we spoke again.  Meanwhile, my other sorority sister and old college roommate has been nothing but a loyal and honest friend.  She knows me enough to calm my anxiety and I trust not only her judgement but, that fact that she is very dependable and super fun!  In my heart, she is the perfect choice for my MOH.  However, how do I tell my old BFF that she's not going to be my MOH.  I feel like she acknowledges that we have grown apart but, it's still hard for me to physically tell her she will just be a bridesmaid.  Especially because when we were still in college, the three of us were very close. <strong>How would you like to be told that you were NOT chosen to be the MOH but, will be a bridesmaid???</strong> Am I making the right choice???
    Posted by MissMolly1[/QUOTE]

    Oh please please please don't have the "This is why you aren't good enough to be my MOH" talk with anyone!
    Anniversary
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_friend-vs-sorority-sister-moh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:6a975971-2766-4521-b8df-d43adc58c633Post:0b1e4a8f-2e94-434c-b9c6-e6bd9956e71d">Old Best Friend or New Best Friend for MOH???</a>:
    [QUOTE]So, I will be finalizing my bridal party selection this August. (I know it's a while from now, just planning our wedding a year and a half in advance.) I have had a best friend since 6th grade and we have shared many milestones in our lives together.  Highschool, College, pledging for the same sorority together, first jobs out of college....a lot.  Shortly after graduating, I hooked her up with this guy who I thought would be a great match for her and he was surprsingly the end to our friendship. Beyond me catching him in "sticky" situations on numerous occasions, he had the audacity to flirt with me one night in front of my now fiance.  Needless to say, that was pretty much the end to our friendship...sad but she didn't believe me over his excuses.  This built a lot of anger and resentment between us and about 3 years passed before we spoke again.  Meanwhile, my other sorority sister and old college roommate has been nothing but a loyal and honest friend.  She knows me enough to calm my anxiety and I trust not only her judgement but, that fact that she is very dependable and super fun!  In my heart, she is the perfect choice for my MOH.  However, how do I tell my old BFF that she's not going to be my MOH.  I feel like she acknowledges that we have grown apart but, it's still hard for me to physically tell her she will just be a bridesmaid.  Especially because when we were still in college, the three of us were very close. <strong>How would you like to be told that you were NOT chosen to be the MOH but, will be a bridesmaid???</strong> Am I making the right choice???
    Posted by MissMolly1[/QUOTE]

    I would like to be told by singing telegram delivered to my office. You know, just to make sure that it was really public and clear that I lost out to the other girl.
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    Emily that is a good one.

    Maybe you could rent a billboard and put flashing lights up there saying "Friend, you aren't as good as my other friend, so there. You are just a regular BM." Everyone driving by could see it, even in the dark!
    Anniversary
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