BP Help Please

ironadxn

I am having trouble with my bridal party.  My fiance and I would like to keep it small, only 3 maids and 3 groomsmen, which is completely fine with me.  My cousin is my Matron of Honor, my younger sister a BM and my best friend the other.  Problem:  I have three girlfriends that I was really close with, up until about 2 years ago.  Although we are still good friends, life got in the way and we don't talk as much, don't see each other much (haven't seen 1 since August, the other 2 since even before that).  I feel like I really don't know much about their current lives because when we do talk we only have time for the surface stuff.  They see each other a lot more than I see any of them.  I was with 2 of the 3 this summer at a bar about a week after I got engaged.  While we were in the bathroom one of them asked if she and the others were in the bridal party.  I was taken off gaurd, had not even come close to thinking about it/discussing with my fiance yet, and told her "I guess, although I would have liked to have done the asking."  Yes, I understand I told her she is in the BP. 

After thinking about the wedding as a whole though, and actually planning with my fiance, I really do not want these 3 girls in my BP.  I don't feel as close to them as I would like to feel about people I am asking to be in my wedding.  My fiance is also really not into uneven parties, and he knows for certain there will only be 3 groomsmen. (I know some people will think this is silly, but it's how he feels and he has been very neutral about everything else)   IF I were to have a bigger BP, there are other girls who I am closer to than the 3 who invited themselves in, so that's another issue I am having trouble with. 

Normally, I would feel comfortable just telling the girls the situation.  Actually, I am only worried that one of them will flip out if I tell her I'm only having 3 people.  She is a bit of a drama queen and I am worried she is going to blow this thing way out of proportion. 

Any advice?  Thoughts?

MyNameIsNot

Honestly, I don't think I could marry a guy who thought numbers were more important than people.  Seriously.  Saying something like that would really make me question what kind of person he is.

I get that you were caught off guard, and probably drinking and not totally rational, but I still don't see how you could go back on what you said now without ruining that friendship.  Maybe only one of the three will freak out, but you can be sure you will really hurt the other two, even if they don't tell you.  

jaimed99

If you told them they're in, they're in...you can't just kick people out because you didn't have the ability to tell them no. If, however, you are OK with damaging and essentially ruining a friendship, then go ahead.

With that said, don't base your BP on numbers...if your FI has 3 GM, he has 3 GM...you can have as many BMs as you want...it's ok to not have even numbers. Your FI cannot dictate how many people you have on your side any more than you can dictate his...his being "into" even or uneven wedding parties is irrelevant, and it makes him sound controlling.

ironadxn

Thanks for the thoughts...I kind of figured I was stuck.  Was just avoiding drama because telling her no at the bar would have started a whole scene.  I'm honestly becoming more and more irritated with the way she handles things...but that's another story.

Also, I don't think because my fiance requested even sides he is a bad person or controlling- and I don't think it's necessary to say so.  This isn't what my post was about.  <-- Said in the least snarky way possible

AutumnFair

As you already know your in a no win situation. The girl asked (which was rude) but you said yes. If you go back and say no now you already know what's going to happen the girl(s) are going to be very peeved and probably end the friendship. Basically if you alright with going back on your word, hurting friends feelings, and having a good chance of ending the friendship then tell the group they aren't in it, but I highly suggest just sticking with what you originally decided and leave it be.

As for your FI, he is going to have to deal with uneven sides because putting you in the spot to kick people out is wrong. 

And frogurt pretty much nailed it for lurkers and other Brides out there.

bablingbrooke

It would be pretty sucky to have a friend tell you that, on second thought, you really aren't good enough to be her BM anymore.  You had your chance to correct her, you missed it, and unless you're prepared to 1) possibly end the friendship and 2) look bad to everyone who doesn't know the "whole story" (which, by the way, will be everyone), you're going to have to suck it up.  It would be one thing if you decided not to have a WP after all, but it's quite another to cull certain members from the WP.

I don't think it was right of her to assume, but your response was completely up to you, and you opted to let her be a BM.  You've kinda made your bed here, so now you've got to sleep in it.

ironadxn

Thanks jaimed99....and to the rest of you.

It's just one of those situations where I know I got myself into it by not being upfront from the beginning, but I was still hoping for SOME way out.  Oh well.

Manwaithiel

Good for you Just get through this wedding and then you never have to deal with them again if you don't want to.

But I would honestly ask your FI why uneven sides bother him so much. If you want to ask other girls, I don't see why you couldn't. It's not his decision anyway. Sometimes guys are just so used to seeing things a certain way and change scares them . If he had actual strong feelings against it after thinking about and perhaps sleeping on it, I would honestly want to figure out why. As a PP said, people are more important than numbers and I would want to marry someone who felt that way.

Kate61487

I know this is going to be massivly against the public opinion, but I feel like you MIGHT still be able to get out of this.  I'm just curious if you've talked to any of them about the wedding since this evening; and/or if you talked in any detail that night.  If the ONLY thing you've said to her about the wedding thus far is "I guess" while out drinking I, personally, would just let it ride silently and hope it goes away....  if you have talked wedding stuff with them then I agree you're stuck. 

But if it was me, and "I guess" was the only indication of involvement thus far I would wait, see how long it takes for any of them to bring it up again, and if it's several months out then tell them "x, y and z are my bridesmaids, but I am really looking forward to spending time with you at the wedding!"  and if they push it you could add "I really wanted to keep the wedding party small, and obviously I have to have my sister and my cousin!"