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Wedding Party Nightmare

I'm getting married in 27 days. I have been friends with my bridal party girls for quite a while and considered them close friends. The first girl decided she wanted to break me and my FH up by spreading rumors that he cheated on me, which I had to do a lot of digging and found out it wasnt true. The second girl is looking for a job and doesnt know if she can get the time off so she stepped down, but doesnt have a job yet. The third girl decided two days ago to stop talking to me completly. She feels like the bachelorette party girls that I was with ditched her when in fact I was very sick with a migrane and passed out at 9pm. I called and texted and emailed her but still no reply.

Has anyone else had issues like this? I just need a little moral support.

Re: Wedding Party Nightmare

  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    It sounds like none of these girls are really your friends at all.  Have your relationships with them always been this way?  
  • I agree it sounds like they aren't very good friends. It's very close to the wedding. Have you considered trying to have family instead? 
  • In Response to Wedding Party Nightmare:
    I'm getting married in 27 days. I have been friends with my bridal party girls for quite a while and considered them close friends. The first girl decided she wanted to break me and my FH up by spreading rumors that he cheated on me, which I had to do a lot of digging and found out it wasnt true. The second girl is looking for a job and doesnt know if she can get the time off so she stepped down, but doesnt have a job yet. The third girl decided two days ago to stop talking to me completly. She feels like the bachelorette party girls that I was with ditched her when in fact I was very sick with a migrane and passed out at 9pm. I called and texted and emailed her but still no reply. Has anyone else had issues like this? I just need a little moral support.
    Posted by JCooper3110
    I hate to say this, but if multiple friends out of the blue start treating you badly, there's only one common denominator there.  Is there anything you might have done to upset them?

    Now if they've always been this way, then they're probably not going to change for your wedding, so it just comes down to unfortunate timing.
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    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
  • I haven't done anything to offend them. If anything, I've been kissing their feet and telling them how pretty they are. One bailed because she got a DUI and cant show up now but has always been a flake, another has always been a flake anyways. I haven't done anything mean to these girls and I am not a mean spirited person. But I don't know why at the last minute they decided to bail out.
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    In Response to Re: Wedding Party Nightmare:
    I haven't done anything to offend them. If anything, I've been kissing their feet and telling them how pretty they are. One bailed because she got a DUI and cant show up now but has always been a flake, another has always been a flake anyways. I haven't done anything mean to these girls and I am not a mean spirited person. But I don't know why at the last minute they decided to bail out.
    Posted by JCooper3110
    I think this is your answer.  You knew how these girls were before asking them to be in your wedding.  They won't change just because they are now BMs.  Does it suck that they are flaking out on such a big day for you?  Yes.  Should it really surprise you?  No.

    Like another PP said, these girls don't really seem like they were that great of friends to begin with.  I would cut your losses and just move on.

  • Eeesh. Well, I have no magic answer as to why they've suddenly started acting this way (other than the DUI girl whom you have admitted was always a flake), but if it's moral support you're looking for, then I'm your gal.

    I can understand why a couple of the previous posters would suggest that maybe you'd done something to upset them, because that does tend to be a logical reason why multiple people would lash out at you at once. However, as you've obviously seen, not everyone thinks or acts logically - plus the fact that they've lashed out in different ways (instead of all having the same complaint) tells me that it isn't necessarily your fault.

    My fiance and I have lost two friends since January, and these were friends we've had and loved for years. In each instance it appeared as though these friends lost their minds completely. They flew into rages out of nowhere and accused us of things that had never happened, while at the same time they forgot things that did happen. When I apologized to one of these friends for what I thought I'd done to make her angry, she rejected the apology outright and insisted that "it's not about that," even though all previous conversations with her had indicated that it was. It didn't help matters that this friend had spent a lot of time drinking and/or being high on pain killers in the months leading up to this. And, just like in your situation, these friends did not have the same beef with us. In fact, they didn't even know each other. They each went crazy in their own way, and came out of the woodwork to tell us how horrible we were for different reasons.

    You just can't work with people when they've reached this level. You have one person actively spreading destructive lies about your relationship, and another who insists on believing that you deliberately ditched her when you've told her you were ill. These are people who recreate reality to suit their needs. How can you work with that?

    For my own part, I can tell you my fiance and I have gone in circles about what happened with both of our friends, trying to think of anything at all that we could have said or done differently to prevent the fallout from happening, but we keep drawing a blank - and no one we've spoken to in detail about it can think of anything either.

    One of my bridesmaids is into numerology, and when I told her what had happened, she simply nodded and summed it up by saying, "This year is a closing year. And for some people, they chose to get their house in order by 'closing' doors in relationships."

    So. It's a closing year. An explanation that really isn't one, but it makes about as much sense as the behavior of these folks in the first place, so why not? I'll go with it.

    (One last little suggestion, though - try not to look as harshly on the friend who's looking for a job. At least she was up front about it, and may even be a bit embarrassed that she spoke too soon as she still has no job.)

  • Yikes. I dont know what Ican say to make it all better. All I can say is what PP's have said. Basically, the majority of the girls sound like they weren't really good friends to begin with. Everyone has a friend like that, some have more than others. We learn who we can trust and count on and who we can't. 
    I know this is going to sound a little crazy, but bear with me. You are stil marrying your best friend (i hope LOL) and it will still be an amazing day regardless of if you have your bridal party there or not. The people that truly matter will be there to celebrate this important day with you. Focus on that. 

    Hope I was able to help a little! Good luck!
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