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Not sure if he's a groomsman or not...

So my FI and I have been officially asking people to be in specific positions in the last month and we ran into a road block. His best friend from childhood had already agreed to be in the WP but hadn't yet been asked to the the best man, well when FI asked him to be the best man, friend said, "well, when is the wedding?" and when told, he said, "Ask me again in December." More conversation happened and then friend's reply was "well I just can't ask off of work now," in a way that really upset my FI. So now I have no idea if friend thinks he is in the WP and was either in a bad mood or just not understanding what FI was asking, or if he really won't ask off of his job.
Now, for background information. This friend has always had a hard time with me since FI moved 20 hours awayfrom home  to live near me. He's said horrible things about me and my character to FI and they've had their fights over that in general, but FI has always had a soft spot just because of what they've gone through in their past. Even I'm not mad at friend for saying what he has because I sense it's jealousy. We also both understand that his job is very important for financial reasons but we think it's a little ridiculous for him to say yes about two months ago and then when the subject is brought up again, says "maybe."
The problem is I don't know if friend is in the WP and FI definitely isn't talking to friend about the wedding at all. He only gets very upset at the situation. I don't want to be the one to contact friend but I also can't just wait until December when the wedding is 1-1-11! I'm wanting to contact the whole WP to get their budgets on attire and whatnot.
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Re: Not sure if he's a groomsman or not...

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    I think you and FI have a long time before this will become a real worry--you've got more than a year to go.  In this economy it can be hard for some people to know whether they can take off work for any amount of time, let alone in 12 months.

    FI should broach the subject with him again in a few months, when the friend might know more.  I also wonder if something else is going on.  But if work truly is the issue, and it's not a cop-out, I'd leave it for a bit.
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    I think your FI may want to just wait for another 3 months until you're six months out or so.

    And for now, I'd let it lie.  It sounds like he's "Just not that into the wedding" but it's best to just let things go for now.  If at six months to go he doesn't give an answer, your FI can say, "You know you'll be invited as a guest.  And if you'd rather just do that, I totally understand." 
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    You have plenty of time. Tell FI to lay off him for a while and then ask him again. If he really wants him in the WP, and then the guy can't be there because of work, its not the end of the world. He will have one less person standing with him. THe guy can still be in the program.
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    Tuxes don't take nearly as long as dresses to come in, so as long as you know within a month or two of the wedding, you still have plenty of time.  (Contacting them about their budgets should be done individually anyway, so it shouldn't really matter if he's a late addition.)

    Just leave it be.  Uneven wedding parties are becoming increasingly common, so it shouldn't really have an effect on the rest of your wedding plans.  (Read: don't line up a replacement if he can't make it or demote/promote bridesmaids to keep things even.)  It's completely understandable that he doesn't want to agree if he can't follow through, and that he doesn't want to risk his job, even for a close friend's wedding.  The groomsmen aren't your concern anyway.
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    Thanks everyone! I guess it was a simple answer but I just wanted to discuss it with people not involved at all in my wedding to get honest opinions. I really appreciate it.
    I don't think I ever thought about how long it takes to get tuxes. I am just wanting to plan everything by the end of the summer because I"ll be student teaching up until two weeks before the wedding.
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    bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited February 2010
    If it makes you feel better, our GM were able to order/get fitted for their tuxes from Men's Wearhouse up to 2 weeks before the wedding without a rush fee and up to 3 days before the wedding with a rush fee.  You've got time :)  
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    A word of warning from your friends at Cracked.com: Remember that text is going to be how you make your first impression over the internet; if every third word you type is misspelled, people will automatically assume that you're a moron.
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    Don't worry.  My DH didn't ask his BM until 3 months in advance, and they didn't order their tuxes until less than a month out.  Since it's a rental, it just isn't the same. 

    And even though you'll be busy, you won't have to worry about it.  Your FI can pick out the tux ahead of time, and the guys just take care of getting themselves measured whenever.
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