Need a List for Wedding Details/Ideas

khill4784

All of my bridesmaid live out of town, and I'm having a hard time relaying info to them about my ideas and details of my wedding. I'm wondering if anyone knows where I can find a list that I can fill out and send to my girls so they know what kind of things I'm doing... (example- Wedding Colors, Bridesmaids Dresses, Venue, Theme, etc) I want them to be included as much as possible, but it's hard when they are all 1+ hours away from me, and at least 1+ hours from each other.

Thanks!!

TiffannieF

I didn't send anything like that so I'm not sure if I can help....

The only warning I would give is that...as exciting as your wedding is to YOU, it's not to anybody else...not matter how much they tell you it is.  My MOH was beyond ecstatic for me to get married but she didn't help out with the wedding nor ask for details...she had 3 kids and a husband to worry about.

Maggie0829

Honestly, I would wait to tell them anything about your wedding plans until they ask. 

I know you want them to be involved but I think you are setting yourself up for disappointment.  What are you expecting to get out of this email?  Are you expecting them to swoon over everything you have picked and comment on everything single item?  If so, i think you need to lower your expectations of your BMs.  If they want to know what is going on they will ask.

The necessary information that they need to know is info pertaining to their dresses.  Other than that, if they ask how things are going tell them but don't force the information down their throats.

jemmini6

Ditto PP's.  I know you are excited about your wedding, but that's what it is...YOUR wedding.  Your friends can be over-the-moon excited for you, but too much wedding talk about someone else's wedding will grate on just about anyone's nerves.  Keep the details to a minimum unless they ask, or if you and your FI are having trouble deciding on something between yourselves, you can maybe ask for opinions on specific things, but don't bombard them with every little idea you have. 

redheadfsu

I get you want to include them, however, they don't need a fact sheet about your wedding. If they want to know details, they will ask or it will come up in normal conversation. Sending a bullet point of all the details, probably would send the wrong message.

mbody

Why do you need to share all these details with them? Do you need their opinions/approval?

mbcdefg

For the venue, just tell them, "I booked XYZ Venue, here's the website if you want to check it out. Details will follow about transportation to/from the wedding, and the hotel where we'll block off rooms if you want to stay there during your trip."

For their dresses, start off by saying, "Please e-mail or call/text me back with the amount you want to spend on your dress. I'll get everyone's budget and then I'll let you know what price frame we'll be working with, so that we can be sure everyone is comfortable with the price." Your job here is to set the budget at the amount that's within what everyone quoted you ... so if the lowest quote was $125 then you absolutely can't go above $125, or you need to chip in money to everyone yourself to help out.

You can coordinate dress shopping via e-mail or phone. Don't make them all travel to you to go shopping if it's going to be a hardship. If they all live semi-local, then see if they're up for a group trip or if they'd rather do it on their own. Treat them to dinner or lunch if they all come on the same day.

If them coming to you would involve long car rides or airplane flights, it's probably best if they go on their own time, locally. You have a few different options:

1) Go shopping yourself, maybe with a local bridesmaid or your mom or someone, and pick out a few options you like (MAKE SURE they're within the price range that you settled upon with the girls!!!). E-mail them to the girls, ask them to try them on at local salons within maybe 2-4 weeks' time, and e-mail you back by a deadline with their vote. Majority rules. They can order locally, or they can mail you a check and you'll place the order yourself and then ship them their dresses (them ordering their own dresses at their local salons is probably easier). Then they can go to a local salon or tailor for fittings.

2) Pick out a designer that everyone can afford, plus a color/fabric/skirt length, and let everyone choose her own dress from within those guidelines. Again, they can order locally or you can gather their money and order for them.

3) Order from a website that offers easy returns, like anntaylor.com, jcrew.com, nordstrom.com, etc.

4) Mail them each a paint swatch and ask them to get a long/short dress that closely matches that color. Or ask them to wear a black dress.

And once you settle on their dress, then you can pick a neutral shoe color (black, silver, gold, bronze) and ask them to get their own shoes. I would let them wear their own jewelry of their choice, but if you plan to buy it for them then let them know.

For everything else - theme, colors, your own dress, other small details - if they want to know, they will ask. Otherwise I wouldn't bombard them with lists. They need to know the travel info and the info for their own dresses, and everything else is mainly your concern. They will probably ask about it to make conversation, but don't get offended if they don't. It doesn't mean that they don't love YOU. Some people just aren't into the details of someone else's party.

egm900

Everything mbcdefg said.  Make sure to stay in touch with your BMs during the planning process, and don't let the wedding overtake everything.  They have things going on in their lives that they will want to share too, and they will be more receptive to being involved if they don't feel like they're only there so you can have another person standing up at your wedding.  The main thing they need to know is what they need to wear, everything else is optional.

khill4784

Thanks for all your replies... The only reason I thought I needed something was because my MOH was asking for one, so I assumed they would all want something lol. But I get it... no one is really going to care as much as I do about the party favors or the type of shoes I'll be wearing lol.

My MOH wants a list so she can help me plan, which is not really what I want. I would rather do all the planning with my fiance and my mom. So I think I'm just going to nix the whole list idea.

Thanks!

mbcdefg

If MOH wants more details, then share what you feel comfortable with and tell her, "I haven't thought about that yet" or "That part's already done, but thanks for asking!" and then change the subject.

I'm like you ... I didn't enjoy involving other people in our wedding plans. My husband and I did it all ourselves. We're picky and we had simple ideas anyway, and some of the suggestions we got from others were just ridiculous. Who knows what kind of over-extravagant/tacky mess we'd have ended up with if we'd allowed some of our loved ones to actually follow through with their suggestions!

If there's an area of the planning where you wouldn't mind her input and help (something where you won't wind up caring if it's not done the way you would do it yourself, or if it doesn't get done at all), maybe offer that up so that she just concentrates on that one thing and won't bug you about the rest. Maybe ask her if she wants to design a ceremony program or put together a bathroom basket or something. This is only if she keeps asking you for a project, though, otherwise I would just keep quiet about it.

bencomobride

i created a facebook page a just post the new details on that. if ppl wanna read it they do, if not oh well

cubswin12

A possible way of sharing your ideas without shoving them done your BM"s throats is using pinterest (online bulletin board sort of thing).  It is just pictures. No detailed lists, etc.

It is cool and your BM's can log on to see what ideas you are looking at or selected when/if they want to.

Just a thought