Bridesmaid dilemma!!!

meghan.moseley

Okay so here is what is going on!! I have become really close with a friend of my fiance's. I asked her to be a BM.. Her daughter to be a Junior BM.. She and I went and got her dress figured out but did not order it..

Well she recently found out she is prego. She will be around 6 months pregnant at our wedding..  I told her that it was fine and didn't have a problem with that. We will just find a maternity dress for her. Well since this happened. I have gotten no response from her regarding wedding events/dress, etc. I found the maternity options ans sent them to her. I don't know what to do. I have gotten NO response and the dressed have to be order no later than Dec. 1..

HELP please!!

Beachy730

Did she tell you that she wants to still be in the WP now that she's pregnant? 

BTW, Dec. 1st is almost 3 weeks away still.  She has plenty of time to order a dress.  And if she recently found out she was pregnant, I'm sure she has much more on her mind than your wedding right now. 

jessienjeremy

If your getting them from Davids dont listen to their "order by date".  My wedding is 2 and a half months away and I have 2 Bm's who are ordering this week and the delivery date is mid dec. So they LIe.

agreed did she say she didnt want to be in the wedding? Maybe she is just busy. You should call her instead of emailing her.

bablingbrooke

First thing you need to do is take a breath and stop panicking.  She doesn't have to drop what she's doing and buy a dress today.  Maternity dresses are off the rack.  She can pick it up on the morning of the wedding if she needs to.  She's pregnant, has a kid, presumably has a job...she's got sh!t to do and not all of it involves your wedding.  

Second thing you need to do is take an objective look at your communication with her.  Are you calling once a week about the wedding, or twice a day?  Do you ever call her to talk about non-wedding-related things, or has it been all-wedding lately?  You may be wondering where your friend went, but she may be wondering where her friend went.  It can be easy to talk more about the wedding than you realize, and all I'm asking is if you've really looked at this.

Finally, no one likes to be nagged.  She's a grown woman, she'll get a dress.  And if she doesn't, she doesn't--the wedding will go on.  But YOU need to stop harping on her.  You know how when your boss comes by every 4 minutes asking if you've finished the project, you not only don't work faster, you really start to hate the boss?  Same principle.  Trust that your friend will not let you down for your wedding.  Treat her like a grown-up.  A quick VM or email apologizing for the inundation could be a little olive branch that gets her talking to you again.  It really can go a long way.

ETA: Is she married?  That could also be an explanation.  Having been through the "wedding experience" myself, I know that I would take all deadlines with a grain of salt if they seemed early to me, simply because I found that shops often lie about them to get you to buy today.  Maybe she wants to see just how big she is before buying a dress.  She just needs a maternity dress in a coordinating color, not the same dress from the same company.  It doesn't look bad--the woman's pregnant!  You should be happy for her, not stressing over a dress that she doesn't need to buy yet.

meghan.moseley

I talk to her about wedding stuff maybe every other week!!! We are getting dresses at AA. My mom ordered her dress in mid-august and it came in mid-October. So it took every bit of 8 weeks to come in.

I try not to stress about things but if the tables were turned she would be calling almost every day..

bablingbrooke

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-dilemma-5?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:712d2686-6da9-4822-a60b-6cff4b623602Post:b5e990b4-a11d-410a-8450-9ed6e0f3272b">Re: Bridesmaid dilemma!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]I talk to her about wedding stuff maybe every other week!!! We are getting dresses at AA. My mom ordered her dress in mid-august and it came in mid-October. So it took every bit of 8 weeks to come in. I try not to stress about things but if the tables were turned she would be calling almost every day..
Posted by meghan.moseley[/QUOTE]
Two wrongs don't make a right.  I don't have to tell you that.  It just isn't attractive for a bride to freak out over a PARTY.  So don't be one who does!<div>
</div><div>You've given her the information.  She will do with it what she will.  It's out of your hands now.  Don't micromanage your WP; it rarely ends well for the bride in terms of her friendships.  And, as I said in my edited post above, she has many good reasons to wait.  If you're all getting blue dresses, she just needs to find a blue maternity dress.  It doesn't have to be the same designer.</div><div>
</div><div>Every other week can also be a *tad* much to hear about someone else's wedding plans.  Try not talking about them unless someone asks you.  I know it doesn't seem like that much to you, but to be perfectly honest, it can be eye-fork inducing for most other people.  People can be thrilled for you and still want to jump out the window when you talk about menu options or place settings or centerpieces or things like that.  It's minutiae that just isn't that interesting to other people.  Again, try waiting until you're asked for awhile, see if she comes around.   </div>

Manwaithiel

I can understand your frustration. Dressmakers DO take a really long break for Christmas so dress orders are always delayed around then (or so I'm told) and I see your wedding is in March. But just take a few breaths for a second.

Just let her know the "drop dead" date and leave it up to her to go get a dress. If she doesn't get one, she's taken herself out of the wedding which would suck but would not be your fault. Treat her like an adult. Even if you don't think she would do the same for you.

bablingbrooke

Alfred Angelo.  

mbcdefg

Just give her the info about the maternity dresses and let the wedding-related stuff go. By all means, keep reaching out to her to talk about anything non-wedding-related.

If she doesn't get the dress by the deadline (and listen to PPs about stores fibbing about the deadline), let her know that she's free to get a comfy off-the-rack dress, in either your wedding color or a neutral color (maybe black or brown?).

If she doesn't want to be in the wedding, she'll tell you. Otherwise, just try to be supportive. Talk to her in person if possible. Maybe invite her out for coffee, or offer to babysit her daughter while she runs errands, goes to the doctor or goes out to do something relaxing for herself.

zitiqueen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-dilemma-5?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:712d2686-6da9-4822-a60b-6cff4b623602Post:0c61a5ea-2b4e-4cd2-a8f8-e2014bec2084">Bridesmaid dilemma!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Okay so here is what is going on!! I have become really close with a friend of my fiance's. <strong>I asked her to be a BM.. Her daughter to be a Junior BM.</strong>. She and I went and got her dress figured out but did not order it.. Well she recently found out she is prego. She will be around 6 months pregnant at our wedding..  I told her that it was fine and didn't have a problem with that. We will just find a maternity dress for her. Well since this happened. I have gotten no response from her regarding wedding events/dress, etc. I found the maternity options ans sent them to her. I don't know what to do. I have gotten NO response and the dressed have to be order no later than Dec. 1.. HELP please!!
Posted by meghan.moseley[/QUOTE]

Why can't her daughter just be a bridesmaid? What is she doing that's any different than the other bridesmaids that requires the "junior"?

meghan.moseley

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-dilemma-5?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:712d2686-6da9-4822-a60b-6cff4b623602Post:b2d3a2be-595d-4f76-8881-78f481e0f24b">Re: Bridesmaid dilemma!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Bridesmaid dilemma!!! : Why can't her daughter just be a bridesmaid? What is she doing that's any different than the other bridesmaids that requires the "junior"?
Posted by zitiqueen[/QUOTE]

Her daughter is in 1st grade.. One of my nephews is a Junior Groomsmen. But we are having family issues with them so I might not have either.

Manwaithiel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-dilemma-5?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:712d2686-6da9-4822-a60b-6cff4b623602Post:aac547c1-4c34-4ee8-965b-819f7253641c">Re: Bridesmaid dilemma!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaid dilemma!!! : Her daughter is in 1st grade.. One of my nephews is a Junior Groomsmen. But we are having family issues with them so I might not have either.
Posted by meghan.moseley[/QUOTE]

If you've already asked them, then it would be very rude of you to take it back just because you're fighting with their parents. Just saying.

redheadtmk

also if your screen name is your first and last name you should change.

meghan.moseley

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-dilemma-5?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:712d2686-6da9-4822-a60b-6cff4b623602Post:0929d55f-c4ca-42f1-bff1-63cf83305042">Re: Bridesmaid dilemma!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaid dilemma!!! : If you've already asked them, then it would be very rude of you to take it back just because you're fighting with their parents. Just saying.
Posted by Manwaithiel[/QUOTE]

It's not that we are fighting.. They are not talking to any of use. Deleted their facebooks once again (we go through this at least 2-3 times a year, normally around the holidays) won't respond to ANYTHING. just a mess.

Manwaithiel

Once again. Since you've already asked the kids to be in your WP it would be rude of you to take that back. Simply try and get the information for their attire and such to their parents. The parents are responsible for making sure their little ones are ready for the wedding.

And if you go through this regularly with them, then it shouldn't be a surprise that they're acting like this. It has nothing to do with your wedding obviously. You knew how they were when you asked their kids to be in the BP. So be the bigger person, do what you need to do, and leave them to their own devices after that.