Wedding Party

To have or not to have MOH?

My childhood best friend is getting married July 2011 and is having two BMs, one of them being me.  She is not designating one of us to be the MOH because she said we both mean so much to her, and to avoid hurt feelings, etc.  However she told me that yes one of us will have to stand closer to her at her wedding, and sometimes will need to be the ultimate decision maker between the two of us.  She told me I would be that person.  Soon after that, my fiance proposed to me and we picked 3 attendants on each side.  She (friend 1) is one of mine, and in the beginning I said I would do the same as her and not designate one as MOH.  Now I'm wondering if I should change that and have a MOH, but I wouldn't pick her.  The biggest reason I'm not having a "labeled" MOH is because of what she said to me.  I don't want to hurt her feelings by not picking her, but I feel like my other friend (friend 2) has been an important person for both me AND my fiance.  My other friend (friend 2) was my fiance's confidant about his upcoming proposal to me for months.  She has been by my side every step of the way from the time my fiance and I met.  When we've gone dress shopping, she's the one I call into the room while in my skivvies for assistance in getting into a dress.  My only concern about making her the official MOH, besides hurting my first friend's feelings, is sometimes we get into little tiffs with my 3rd BM because they (friends 2 & 3) are very close and sometimes I feel like the 3rd wheel around them.  Even while wedding planning.  Friend 2 & 3 also work with me and have been VERY involved in my wedding planning process.  They both have been extremely supportive.  My first friend doesn't involve me much in her wedding planning, nor has she been very involved in mine, besides random questions and going dress shopping as a group.  Any thoughts or advice for me?

Re: To have or not to have MOH?

  • If your wedding is Oct 2011, I wouldn't choose MOH right now. It does sound a little messy so I would personally avoid drama and hurt feelings and do what your friend did....no MOH
  • By the time we get married, both of my friends will be married.  I wouldn't expect the MOH to do any more or less than the other BMs, I kind want to ask friend 2 to be MOH because I want to give her the honor.  I think she deserves it for being such an awesome friend.  What reasons does one have a MOH anyway?
  • Just choose your closest friend as MOH.

    Don't name someone MOH to reward them for being involved in your wedding, or to punish someone else for not being involved or not making you her MOH.

    If you can't decide, don't have one. Or wait a few months and see if feel differently.

    You don't even have to verbally name someone MOH. You can pick your dearest friend to be the one to stand next to you in the ceremony and do all that stuff. Another girl can sign the license as the witness, and the third can give the toast. That way, they all get a piece of the honor. Personally, if I were you, this would be what I would do.
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