Firing a bridesmaid

JaleeZ

I recently "fired" a bridesmaid.

I told her that she needed to get fitted for her dress ASAP within a weekds notice because it took 6 weeks to make the dress and the boutique will be closed the month of December, my wedding just moved to the 8th of january, she claimed she needed 3 weeks to finish her diet, and I said that was okay, although it was puishing it, so after three weeks I called to remind her and she claims she cant go, because I didnt give her enough notice after the three weeks. So she calls me 3 days later and says she can go in 1 week, so I just told her to forget about it...am I wrong for that?

I have known her for 7 years and although we really arent close friends anymore, but I was her matron of honor at her wedding.

Im just frustrated with her excuses

Should I tell her its okay and have her dress rushed?

zitiqueen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_firing-bridesmaid-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:71eee209-6c18-4e9a-b47a-c9abc6d727fcPost:d48523f6-675b-4b13-b7eb-71cfb746badb">Firing a bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]I recently "fired" a bridesmaid. I told her that she needed to get fitted for her dress ASAP within a weekds notice because it took 6 weeks to make the dress and the boutique will be closed the month of December, my wedding just moved to the 8th of january, she claimed she needed 3 weeks to finish her diet, and I said that was okay, although it was puishing it, so after three weeks I called to remind her and she claims she cant go, because I didnt give her enough notice after the three weeks. So she calls me 3 days later and says she can go in 1 week, so I just told her to forget about it...am I wrong for that? I have known her for 7 years and although we really arent close friends anymore, but I was her matron of honor at her wedding. Im just frustrated with her excuses Should I tell her its okay and have her dress rushed?
Posted by JaleeZ[/QUOTE]

bablingbrooke

Yes, you're wrong for that.  You're going to have to eat a lot of dirt to get back in her good graces, and you need to be prepared for it not to work.  Next time, don't get so wrapped up in your wedding that you lose friends over it.  It's so not worth it.

mgietler76

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_firing-bridesmaid-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:71eee209-6c18-4e9a-b47a-c9abc6d727fcPost:d48523f6-675b-4b13-b7eb-71cfb746badb">Firing a bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]I recently "fired" a bridesmaid. I told her that she needed to get fitted for her dress ASAP within a weekds notice because it took 6 weeks to make the dress and the boutique will be closed the month of December, my wedding just moved to the 8th of january, she claimed she needed 3 weeks to finish her diet, and I said that was okay, although it was puishing it, so after three weeks I called to remind her and she claims she cant go, because I didnt give her enough notice after the three weeks. So she calls me 3 days later and says she can go in 1 week, so I just told her to forget about it...am I wrong for that? I have known her for 7 years and although we really arent close friends anymore, but I was her matron of honor at her wedding. Im just frustrated with her excuses Should I tell her its okay and have her dress rushed?
Posted by JaleeZ[/QUOTE]

I don't have the energy to point out everything wrong with this, why don't you check out the 30 other posts with this EXACT title

AllAboutTheBenjamin

I'm glad I don't have friends like you.

MyNameIsNot

You just did the equivalent of ending a close friendship over a dress, and you have to ask if that is wrong?

Seriously, what is wrong with people?

gottahavashorti

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_firing-bridesmaid-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:71eee209-6c18-4e9a-b47a-c9abc6d727fcPost:d48523f6-675b-4b13-b7eb-71cfb746badb">Firing a bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]I recently "fired" a bridesmaid. I told her that she needed to get fitted for her dress ASAP within a weekds notice because it took 6 weeks to make the dress and the boutique will be closed the month of December, my wedding just moved to the 8th of january, she claimed she needed 3 weeks to finish her diet, and I said that was okay, although it was puishing it, so after three weeks I called to remind her and she claims she cant go, because I didnt give her enough notice after the three weeks. So she calls me 3 days later and says she can go in 1 week, so I just told her to forget about it...am I wrong for that? I have known her for 7 years and although we really arent close friends anymore, but I was her matron of honor at her wedding. Im just frustrated with her excuses Should I tell her its okay and have her dress rushed?
Posted by JaleeZ[/QUOTE]
Please read the other 10 posts on this topic that are all listed on this page.

I suggest that you do the following:

OPTION ONE
- ask her to submit a cover letter and resume
- fill out a pre-employment questionnaire
- conduct an interview
- conduct a second interview
- have her fill out forms to make her your employee
- send her a paycheck
- let her know that she is no longer employed, offering her a generous severence package
- begin to pay her unemployment
- wait to be sued for wrongful termination
- send her a W-2 in January
- after a legal battle, pay fines for said wrongful termination

OPTION TWO

Apologize profusely for your wrong-doing and tell her that you don't know what got into you and would love for her to be in your wedding.  Hope that she forgives you and that you did not just terminate a long friendship over a dress.

Edit: Dear Knot, if you are going to give us formatting options, making sure they work would be fantabulous.

Ashes_3

Really? That is awful. My FSIL hasn't gotten hers and she is the only one and I haven't said anything. Why would you ruin a friendship over a stupid dress? Usually it doesn't take as long as said to get the dress so she would have been fine. I think that was extremely rude! You can't treat people like that any time, let alone people who are suppose to share in your day!

frogurt814

WHAT IS GOING ON??!?!?!  Why do people keep talking about "firing" BP members?  Seriously...so weird.

mbcdefg

Why were you making it your responsibility for her dress to get fitted?

She could either rush around and get it done on time, or show up to the wedding in an ill-fitting dress, or not get it fitted at all and sit in the audience. Either way, not. your. problem.

I don't get why you felt the need to babysit her the entire time. She probably kept blowing you off because you were treating her like a five-year-old. I hope you didn't do the same to your other BMs ... they're probably so sick of you and your precious wedding by now.

If you want to remain friends with her (and if you want to ATTEMPT to look like a decent person), call her and apologize and then promise to stop micromanaging her.

megk8oz

http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_firing-groomsman

http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_should-moh-1

http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_fired

http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_firing-bridesmaid-1

tldh

Was there a rash of high school girls whose BF's proposed at the homecoming dance???

That is the only possible explanation for the unbelievable immaturity and childishness that's been popping up here and on other boards. 

gottahavashorti

[QUOTE]Was there a rash of high school girls whose BF's proposed at the homecoming dance???
Posted by tldh[/QUOTE]
Yes and it was ZOMG <em>so romantic</em> they are all going to be 2gthr 4eva!!!!

bdulli13

It's an epidemic.

Like, totally.

bablingbrooke

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_firing-bridesmaid-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:71eee209-6c18-4e9a-b47a-c9abc6d727fcPost:ad6e207f-b62b-48f9-9787-c21ccdf5f29f">Re: Firing a bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]Was there a rash of high school girls whose BF's proposed at the homecoming dance??? That is the only possible explanation for the unbelievable immaturity and childishness that's been popping up here and on other boards. 
Posted by tldh[/QUOTE]
I wish there was a like button on here.  

wegsmom

I'm sure nobody will probably agree with what I'm about to say, but...in my opinion OP (and those like her) aren't the only problem. 

You are asked to be a member of the wedding party because that person values your relationship.  It is not an order or an obligation, you say yes if...AND ONLY IF...this person means enough to you that you are willing to make the commitment (boht time and money) to support her, and if you're not, then say no. 

Certain aspects of being in the WP are a given, including having the appropriate attire (which I think we can all agree on).  If a WP member thinks it's too much trouble to spend a few moments out of their life to have some measurements taken, then that person's relationship with the bride is not all that important.  I mean seriously, you can go to a local dry cleaners to have them taken, send them to the bride and then have her order from there, if necessary.  But make the effort to support  your friend.  IMO, with any relationship you have to consider the other persons thoughts and feelings, not just your own.  We all make sacrafices for people who are important to us.

And BTW, being on a diet is not an excuse...this is why alterations are done.

deepcovejackie

Why??  Why???  You've lost a friend, and she wasn't your employee.

janedoe1113a

Oh this is ridiculous.

Yes, you were wrong.

nannewmur

No, silly, not at homecoming!  It takes 18 months to get everything together! It was at junior prom so she can walk at graduation then get married!  That way, no one will think she is pregnant at graduation!!

sammie24

Everyone needs to chill out. Ya maybe she ruined the friendship but not every friendship you may have had once deserves to continue. If this woman wasn't taking her wedding seriously than she probably doesn't care about not being a part of it.
She said they weren't that close anymore anyways, it was probably more of a paying back the favour type thing. Either way, she needs to take her wedding seriously and do her best to fulfill her bridesmaid tasks and the bride needs to not make bridesmaids of these type of people if these things are important to her.