How to Honor Someone who can't be with us in our wedding party?

dsulewski

I'm getting married in a little less than a year and we have our bridal party almost set however we do have 1 situation we can't figure out how to solve.

A few years ago my fiance's cousin who was like a brother to him and a good friend of mine passed away. We want to honor him in our wedding party but we aren't sure how to do it.

Our original idea was have him listed in our program and me having an extra bridesmaid that would walk alone in the middle of the line. But now I'm not too sure I want that extra bridesmaid for a few reasons.(by the way I haven't asked her yet so its not like I'm going back on inviting her) To me if I'm so unsure about adding anothergirl maybe I shouldn't do it. We already have 5 attendants each.

Does anyone else have another way for us to honor him?

We'll probably also set up some sort of table or something in remembrance of him and my mother who passed away. Our wedding favors besides being some sort of edible favor will include donations to scholarship funds set up in both their names because it's really important to us and we know it will mean so much to our families and close friends.

AdeleDazeem

Can you name him as a groomsman and list him in the program as such?  I don't know if that is overboard, but it seems like a nice idea in my head right now.

EDIT: and don't add another bridesmaid if you don't want to.  If you ask her solely for the reason of the symbolism of walking alone, then she becomes a prop in your wedding and that isn't so nice.

aerinpegadrak

You can list him as an honorary groomsman in the programs.  Why on earth would you have to add another girl to be partnered with the dead guy?  Uneven sides are perfectly fine, even when everyone listed in the program is present at the wedding.

If you're really hung up on having the numbers in the program be even, then the memory table is probably sufficient.

mbcdefg

You can list him as Honorary Groomsman, or include him in an In Memory Of section, in your ceremony program.

You can have his picture on display, or put a rose on what would've been his chair, or light a candle for him (maybe with his name on it, print it onto vellum paper and wrap it around a pillar candle).

You can have the officiant offer a prayer or a moment of silence for him. Or include him in the Prayer of the Faithful if you are Catholic.

You can include something of his in your attire - FI can wear his watch or cufflinks or pocket square, you can include a locket with his photo into your bouquet, you can have his initials embroidered inside your dress or inside FI's jacket.

Or you can do nothing outwardly, but remember him in your own way in your minds and hearts. Be careful not to do anything that'd turn your wedding into a memorial service. And if his family will be present, DEFINITELY get their O.K. before doing anything public, because they may not be ready or willing to see that.

Don't include a random bridesmaid JUST to symbolize that she should've had a groomsman paired with her. It's not fair to use a real person as a prop. I can totally appreciate your intentions, but that's not the way to do it. Only include people in your wedding party that you are very close to, and do not worry about keeping the numbers even (or having an extra person as a memorial statement).

dsulewski

thanks for you advice. She is one of my very good friends so she wouldn't just be there just because. I've been going back and forth about her for some time because I don't know if she'll necessarily mesh well with the other girls who all have known each other for years. And she's getting married 6 months after me so I don't want it to be a burden for her.

emilyinchile

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_honor-someone-cant-wedding-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:74522f1e-f73c-4b95-bc07-ddf8d6f15193Post:7058d510-ffc0-449e-88f0-85617a2f1de9">Re: How to Honor Someone who can't be with us in our wedding party?</a>:
[QUOTE]thanks for you advice. She is one of my very good friends so she wouldn't just be there just because. I've been going back and forth about her for some time because I don't know if she'll necessarily mesh well with the other girls who all have known each other for years. And she's getting married 6 months after me so I don't want it to be a burden for her.
Posted by dsulewski[/QUOTE]

Those are not good reasons not to choose someone. BMs are your best friends, they don't have to be BFFs with each other, and as an adult this woman can decide for herself whether or not she has the time/money/energy to be in a wedding 6 months before hers.

I would probably list him as an honorary GM.