Jewelry

KSParker2012

I've been thinking recently, my bridesmaids have the same dress and the same shoes and they'll have the same hairstyle, I think it is way to matchy matchy, would it be awful to ask them to wear whatever jewelry they want?  So there is some individuality to it and their styles can come through a bit?  Maybe just have a few specifications like make it silver?  Suggestions? 

banana468

They're wearing the same hairstyle?!

I think asking them to wear what they own is fine.

GoodLuckBear14

Yes!!! At the VERY LEAST let them wear whatever jewelry they want.  If you want to be really nice, let them wear their own shoes (you can pick the color) and please let them wear whatever hairstyle they think looks good on them.

FYI - since you are requiring the same shoes and hair , it is your responsibility to pay for these expenses.

KSParker2012

Yeah i've already paid for their shoes and I will pay for the hair.  I know that.  Maybe I will let them wear whatever hair they want.  Every wedding i've been in we have had the same hair. But thats a thought.

Maggie0829

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_jewelry-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:752c7a3e-0ed4-4863-b98a-0fb2ac92d3faPost:1b82edf1-b35c-45db-9419-60eba8e5bfa0">Re: Jewelry</a>:
[QUOTE]Yeah i've already paid for their shoes and I will pay for the hair.  I know that.  Maybe I will let them wear whatever hair they want.  <strong>Every wedding i've been in we have had the same hair.</strong> But thats a thought.
Posted by KSParker2012[/QUOTE]

<div>So just because every wedding you have been in had the same hairstyles for the BMs does not mean that you have to follow this trend.  Let them wear their hair how they want.  They will feel so much better about themselves...I know this from experience because I was a BM for a bride that demanded our hair be tiny curls almost on top of our heads...it looked horrible on all of us and I felt really ugly.  Let them reflect their own personalities a bit with their hair and jewelry, the prettier they feel the more it will reflect in the pictures.</div>

aerinpegadrak

Jewelry is practically invisible in pictures and in person once you get beyond a few feet away, so if that's the only thing you're doing to avoid the matchy matchy look, it's not remotely going to work.  (The invisibility is why it also doesn't remotely matter what they wear.)

Even if you're paying for the hair, it's not really right to tell them how to wear it.  Different hairstyles work better for different people, and they're going to look less "perfectly poised and coordinated" and more "ruffled blue tux comical" if girls are forced to wear hairstyles that just don't work for their face and hair. 

I couldn't have told you two days after the wedding what hair and jewelry any of our attendants had, let alone now.  It's not really important.

KSParker2012

Thats a good idea, I mean i've never done this before so I'm kinda going off what I have seen.  I think I will let them choose their own hair.  Thanks  

matt&brit

Stephanie do what you want. If you want their hair the same do it the same! Who cares what all the stupid people say!!! We are always wrong no matter what we say on here!

matt&brit

PS to make you feel better, I am making my girls wear the same hair, dress, jewlery, make-up, shoes and even nail polish and everyone can kiss my butt about it!

mbcdefg

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_jewelry-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:752c7a3e-0ed4-4863-b98a-0fb2ac92d3faPost:e14cae4c-72ac-4bd7-a04b-8e3afe6db6a0">Re: Jewelry</a>:
[QUOTE]PS to make you feel better, I am making my girls wear the same hair, dress, jewlery, make-up, shoes and even nail polish and everyone can kiss my butt about it!
Posted by matt&brit[/QUOTE]

That's fucckiing bizarre.

KSParker2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_jewelry-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:752c7a3e-0ed4-4863-b98a-0fb2ac92d3faPost:943298df-6840-4207-9d18-c706ae5f03c1">Re: Jewelry</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Jewelry : That's fucckiing bizarre.
Posted by mbcdefg[/QUOTE]

How is that bizarre?  Its personal preference.  There is no right or wrong way to do anything at a wedding and if she wants everyone to match then it shouldn't matter. I was simply asking for opinions for myself, no need to be rude.

KSParker2012

Hmmm make sure you read who is posting what before you start accusing people.

Viczaesar

In Response to Re:Jewelry:[QUOTE]PS to make you feel better, I am making my girls wear the same hair, dress, jewlery, makeup, shoes and even nail polish and everyone can kiss my butt about it! Posted by mattbrit[/QUOTE]
That's douchey of you. Have fun being remembered by your friends as the overbearing, overcontrolling bridezilla who dictated everything down to their nail polish and make up.

banana468

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_jewelry-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:752c7a3e-0ed4-4863-b98a-0fb2ac92d3faPost:856684c6-f036-47d0-a91c-c7af544a0d06">Re: Jewelry</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Jewelry : How is that bizarre?  Its personal preference.  There is no right or wrong way to do anything at a wedding and if she wants everyone to match then it shouldn't matter. I was simply asking for opinions for myself, no need to be rude.
Posted by KSParker2012[/QUOTE]

Actually, there is a right and wrong way.

Dictating that your BMs match down to the  nail polish is not correct.  It's micromanaging and even if the bride finances that, it's turning friends into props.

aerinpegadrak

I would drop out of a wedding where a bride was forcing me to match avery single aspect of myself to the other girls and tell her to find a more cooperative mannequin.  I didn't even do anything to my nails for my OWN wedding, that's where I'd draw the line for someone else.  Talk about invisible details.

Yeah, you CAN tell your friends that they have to dress and act exactly as you want them to.  And likewise, they CAN stop returning your calls after the wedding because of the callous way you treated them.  But hey, at least you'll have your copy-paste pictures of people who don't talk to you anymore.

KSParker2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_jewelry-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:752c7a3e-0ed4-4863-b98a-0fb2ac92d3faPost:eeedb2af-6623-4bb1-9cf1-1db7f31376c2">Re: Jewelry</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Jewelry : Actually, there is a right and wrong way. Dictating that your BMs match down to the  nail polish is not correct.  It's micromanaging and even if the bride finances that, it's turning friends into props.
Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]

I do not agree. There is no end all be all of weddings.  You can do what you want.  I don't think anyone is going to hate you or stop being your friend because you want them to match on your day....I mean the weddings i've been in we have all matched down to the nail polish and I didn't stop being their friend nor did I feel like a prop.  In fact that was probably the furthest thing from my mind.  She wanted us to be uniform and I didn't think twice about it either time.  I think that is pretty shallow.  Nor did I feel like a soulless clone either I felt beautiful.   NOT trying to start anything just saying there is no ruler over what you can and can't do at a wedding.  I think where you live, your family, how formal it is etc. all play deciding factors.

aerinpegadrak

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_jewelry-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:752c7a3e-0ed4-4863-b98a-0fb2ac92d3faPost:d5247f24-8dcf-4715-a7ba-5554eb12ece1">Re: Jewelry</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Jewelry : I do not agree. There is no end all be all of weddings.  You can do what you want.  I don't think anyone is going to hate you or stop being your friend because you want them to match on your day....I mean the weddings i've been in we have all matched down to the nail polish and I didn't stop being their friend nor did I feel like a prop.  In fact that was probably the furthest thing from my mind.  She wanted us to be uniform and I didn't think twice about it either time.  I think that is pretty shallow.  Nor did I feel like a soulless clone either I felt beautiful.   NOT trying to start anything just saying there is no ruler over what you can and can't do at a wedding.  I think where you live, your family, how formal it is etc. all play deciding factors.
Posted by KSParker2012[/QUOTE]
But there is a right way and a wrong way to treat people.  You may be okay with bending to the bride's every whim, but a lot of people are not, and there's nothing wrong with that.  Personally, I think a bride who's demanding uniformity is losing sight of what makes her friends special, and what's important about the wedding day.  The best weddings I've ever been to or in are the ones where the bride is more focused on treating people well and making sure the day is fun than making sure that every shade of color on display is exactly the same.

banana468

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_jewelry-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:752c7a3e-0ed4-4863-b98a-0fb2ac92d3faPost:d5247f24-8dcf-4715-a7ba-5554eb12ece1">Re: Jewelry</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Jewelry : I do not agree. There is no end all be all of weddings.  You can do what you want.  I don't think anyone is going to hate you or stop being your friend because you want them to match on your day....I mean the weddings i've been in we have all matched down to the nail polish and I didn't stop being their friend nor did I feel like a prop.  In fact that was probably the furthest thing from my mind.  She wanted us to be uniform and I didn't think twice about it either time.  I think that is pretty shallow.  Nor did I feel like a soulless clone either I felt beautiful.   NOT trying to start anything just saying there is no ruler over what you can and can't do at a wedding.  I think where you live, your family, how formal it is etc. all play deciding factors.
Posted by KSParker2012[/QUOTE]

It's all in HOW it's done.

I've matched the members of the BP when it came to fingernail color but it's all in how it was presented.

To dictate to your BMs exactly what you expect them to be doing isn't appropriate unless we're talking about dress choice.  Telling them that you want exact hair, makeup, shoes and nails - especially at THEIR expense is micromanaging and it's rude to expect your BMs to alter themselves that way.

It's one thing if they all agree to something but it's totally different to state that you're wanting Stepford maids.   You know that's a horror story right?

KSParker2012

Indeed I don't disagree with you there.  I agree that if you are going to request all that you should pay for it.  And I have so far.  And i've asked their opinion.  I would never say "you are going to wear this, do your hair like this and like it"  I've been asking their opinions the whole way.  Plus i'm horrible at decisions so they've pretty much decided everything so far   But everyone brought up good points about having some individuality so I'm going to  look at pics of it done both ways and see which I like better. 

banana468

I think that's the point that most are trying to make.  If you even have ONE person who doesn't like the idea, it's not worth carrying it out.

I have short curly hair.  Asking me to wear it all up would just look silly.  A hairstyle that flatters me would not flatter someone with long straight hair.  We're all unique individuals and we should look that way.  :-)

KSParker2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_jewelry-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:752c7a3e-0ed4-4863-b98a-0fb2ac92d3faPost:f5adfab0-6b96-4dc6-b9be-1410f5ec8aae">Re: Jewelry</a>:
[QUOTE]I think it looks more interesting when the bridesmaids DON'T look like Attack Of The Clones. The wedding industry starts programming us from cradle onward to think that everything has to be matchy-matchy.  That's how they make so much money off bridesmaid dresses, shoes, purses, wraps, jewelry, hair and makeup.  Think about it. By the way - a bride CAN'T 'just do what she wants."  She has a license to get married, not run all over her FRIENDS. It stops being "the couple's day" the moment they choose to involve other people in it.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

Yeah, I don't agree with that. It is the couples day and the joining of two families and the support of friends.  I don't think asking advice and having them match is "running all over her friends" unless they don't want to do it.

matt&brit

Just becasue I want all of them the same doesnt mean I am telling them in a bad way. They all agree and they are fine with it and I payed for everything except the dress. So unless you know how I have treated my BM please dont assume how I have been treating my BM!